Conventions I'm Attending + YOU Vote on Where I Will Go – John Riggs 

He’s hyping the fact that you can vote on which convention he attends.  Who gives a shit?

0:45 – “This contest and this video wouldn’t exist without today’s sponsor: Raid Shadow Legends.”

Can you explain?  He’s been making videos for years without sponsors.  Does it cost money for him to make these videos?  It’s just him sitting in front of his fucking webcam.  

And it’s a “contest” now?  How is voting for what convention John Riggs goes to a contest?  There’s no winner.  Only losers.  

I think that John Riggs has been putting these shit ads in his videos for a while now.  I rarely watch his videos so I’m not completely sure.  But he did a really weird video on that testicle shaving product where he put the razor on his tongue.  Whatever.

2:30 – The first convention you can vote on in this “contest” is in South Carolina.

2:45 – Wait…he’s saying things like “for the first time ever, I’ll be in (something) Houston.”  So…are we voting on this shit or not?  This “contest” is really confusing.

3:15 – He’ll also be in Arlington.  I guess.

3:30 – And Los Angeles.

4:00 – He also hopes to go to Renton City…wherever that is.  Oh.  Washington.

So he’s able to go all over the country but not his home state.

4:30 – He shills for some homebrew game that he made.

Oh.  Then he talks about how there’s a contest wherein you can be in this game.  Why the fuck didn’t he say that at the start of the video?  

And this still doesn’t explain how this required a sponsor.  It costs John Riggs money to add somebody’s name and/or vague likeness into a homebrew game that he’s making?  No.  Plus, he’s going to make money from selling the fucking game.  Although, how much money he’s going to make is another question.  Is there a big market for homebrew NES games?

No, I think that was a separate contest.  I don’t know the rules of this contest.  He didn’t explain anything.

5:15 – So now it’s time for the actual “contest”.  Vote on what convention John Riggs should attend.  I’ll say the AVN Awards.

Oh, I see.  Apparently, the producers of Raid Shadow Legends are paying for John Riggs’ flight and hotel for this “contest”.  

Are you fucking insane?  First of all, I REALLY doubt that that’s true.  How much can these fucking Raid Shadow Legends possibly pay?  Enough for a flight and hotel?  I’d be really surprised.

Secondly, WE DON’T CARE.  How the fuck is this a “contest”.  A contest would be if the WINNER gets a free flight and hotel room.  

But no.  In this “contest”, no matter what you vote for, the “winner” is John Riggs.  It doesn’t make any fucking sense.  Why would he say any of this?  

All he had to do was put the fucking Raid Shadow Legend commercial in the video, accept the free flight and hotel accommodation, and say, “Hey, you guys can vote on which convention I go to.”  That would make sense.  It would be stupid because who cares what convention he goes to, but at least there wouldn’t be this bizarre “contest” angle where the only person who “wins” anything is fucking John Riggs.

So he starts going over the options.   There’s one in Georgia.  He says, “If you live near to that one, maybe that’s the one that you choose.”

So this is the “contest”.  You can “win” by getting a chance to maybe see John Riggs.  If you stalk him at a convention.  Maybe just by happenstance you’ll run into him.  But no promises.  

What kind of fucking prize is that?  This just doesn’t make any sense.

9:00 – “Once again, Raid Shadow Legends, they’re sponsoring my flight, they’re sponsoring my trip, they’re sponsoring me being a guest or a fan or both at one of those six conventions.”

This is the third time that he’s mentioned fucking Raid Shadow Legends and this “contest” still makes absolutely no sense.  What is wrong with him?  

I would be really surprised if the people who make that shit game are literally going to pay for his flight and hotel accommodation.  What I think John Riggs means is that he’s getting money from these people, as usual, and he’s going to spend this money on a flight and hotel.  That’s it.  Who gives a shit?  John Riggs gets a fucking vacation from some shitty ad that he put in a stupid Youtube video and that’s the “prize” of this “contest”.  

9:15 – “I hope that we see each other face to face really soon.  How about that?”

No thanks, John.  But he’s giving a shout out to all of the sexy ladies out there.  All of the sexy ladies who are into 45 year old married fat men with three children.

So the options are Atlanta, Pittsburgh, Milwaukee, Philadelphia, St Louis, and Hartford.  And he has a link where you can go and vote.  It’s like some fucking Webmonkey or whatever polling site from back in the day.  You don’t even have to vote.  You can just click “see results”.  So that skews everything.  

Not that it matters anyway.  Once again, who the fuck cares where John Riggs goes on his vacation?  What kind of “contest” is this?  

And again…even if your choice “wins” what does it matter?  You then have to buy a ticket to the event, travel there, and….then what?  He’s not saying that he’s going to meet you.  What the fuck is the point of this?

The Atlanta option has an insurmountable lead.  So that’s where John Riggs is going to go on his vacation.  That’s the “prize”.  John Riggs going to Atlanta is the “prize” of this “contest”.

But he’s also going to all of those other conventions: in South Carolina and Texas and California.  How is he paying for those?  Raid Shadow Legend isn’t sponsoring those “contests”.  

I don’t think that John Riggs has a job.  And he has three children, one of which I think has a serious mental disability and requires near constant monitoring.  But he’s traveling all over the country for these nerd conventions.  To try to pick up chicks.  While his poor wife is at home with these kids.

He’s fucking vile.  

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