TOP 5 JRPGs with Best Dungeons – Pelvic Gaming

I think that this is the video that she teased about a week ago, promising a lot of delightful female comedy.  And on Twitter, she says, “I worked really hard on this one! Hope you love it!!”.  So let’s check it out.  Maybe I will love it.

But before I begin, I have to point out the weird title.  “Top 5 JRPGs with Best Dungeons”?  What?  I don’t know what that means.  “Top 5 JRPG Dungeons” would make sense, of course.  Even “Top 5 JRPGs with Cool Dungeons”, I guess.  But I don’t know what she’s saying with this title.

0:00 – She says that she’s doing her first top 5 video.  Ummm…no?  She’s done loads of these.

Then she says that this idea came from her wonderful Patrons and she encourages you to become a Patron over on Patreon dot com.  Wonderful.  Just keep shaking those retards down for money.

She says that if you’re on her Patreon you get to vote on what games she plays next.  Even though in previous videos, she made it very clear that she doesn’t care what games anyone suggests she plays.  She plays whatever she wants.  

Let me check the archives.  Maybe I can find the exact quote.

I talk about it here:

“Understand at the end of the day I am going to cover games that *I* want to first and foremost. Life is too short to live for other people and what they want.”

Can that be any clearer?  Here’s the tweet:

She goes on, “In conclusion, whatever food Mama is serving for dinner, is what’s for dinner. Eat it or not.”

So go fuck yourselves, horntards.  I do what I want.

0:30 – She explains what the video is going to be.  Yeah.  Top 5 JRPG Dungeons.  Why didn’t she just title it that way?  It’s bizarre.

0:45 – She advertises her affiliation with something called Normal Boots.  This is some…channel, I guess, that does Minecraft videos.  I don’t know.  It’s a collaborative effort among about four people.  That delightful gay man PeanutButterGamer is one of them.  He did a video with Pelvic Gamer not long ago.

I mean…he can’t have any sleazy intentions, I guess.  He’s clearly gay.  I don’t know.  I guess that it’s not like a regular job interview where you should hire the most qualified person.  It’s fucking Youtube.  You just make videos with people you’re “friends” with.  So whatever.  Good luck on those Minecraft videos.

3:15 – Weird pronunciation of “Sega”.  She pronounces the “e” as an “e”.  But that’s not right, is it?  “Say-ga”, surely.

By the way, no female comedy so far.  Unless she means the little countdown things.  Like she fights off animated bats for “5” and for “4” she lights some kind of CGI fire from her hand.  They weren’t funny.  I don’t even think that they were supposed to be.

6:00 – Oh.  She gets crushed by a CGI thwomp for “3”.  I think that these are supposed to be funny.  Is this really what she was talking about?  God, she really oversold this.  It’s hardly Def Jam levels of comedy.

7:15 – Now she’s wrapped in some really bad fake bandages (I think that it’s literally toilet paper) for the “2”.  

I mean…I knew it wasn’t going to be funny.  But this is ridiculous.  Why even advertise this as funny?  It’s these little three second half-jokes in between the actual content.  The actual content is just straight reviews of the games.  

11:00 – Here’s the “1” little “comedy”…thing.  I don’t even know what’s happening.  Is she walking down imaginary stairs?  Is she opening an imaginary treasure chest?  I don’t know.  Whatever it is, it’s not funny.

13:30 – The video is over.  She ended by blowing kisses to the horntards and telling them how much they mean to her.  

Then she gives a shout out to Toki, the “script editor.”  Why does she need a script editor?  Anyway, it’s just some horny loser who did it for free so whatever.

Oh, it’s a woman.  Or a guy in a dress, which is probably more likely.

She also advertises the Normal Boots channel.  Again.  And her Patreon.  Again.  And she blows kisses to the horntards and begs them to “support” her.  Again.

I really wish that I knew who Toki was but there’s no information anywhere.  

Anyway, yeah.  Big, big disappointment.  I mean, I was moderately engaged for the first three games that she showed.  But then she started with her gross fucking vulgarity about getting her ass eaten out and whatnot and I just lost interest entirely.

And the “comedy”…how shit.  This is not comedy.  I didn’t even realise that it was supposed to be funny until the third one.  And the fifth one, the final one, was confusing.

PeanutButterGamer leaves a boring comment.  Great.  I bet that the horntards leave boring comments too.  I’m not going to check to confirm.

Let me check out this Normal Boots.  Should I do a separate review on this?  No.  Let’s just plough through.

Oh, ProJared was on here.  That’s probably why they stopped it.

Yeah.  They’re rebooting this but ProJared is out and Pelvic Gamer is in.  Let me compare crews.

The old crew was:

Did You Know Gaming
The Completionist
Satchell Drakes

The new crew is:

Did You Know Gaming
The Completionist
Pelvic Gamer
Proton Jon

So they got rid of a few people, actually.  I never heard of anyone except for ProJared, by the way.  Let’s check out a video.

Four gay men flapping their wrists and screaming over video games.  Oh.  I think that this channel may have limited appeal.

There’s the video that Pelvic Gamer advertises.  She’s playing Minecraft with, it seems like six other people.  It’s…how to describe it…unwatchable.

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