Erin Plays and Mike Matei stream Pac-Man 99 on Switch! – Erin Plays

(Warning: I reviewed the entire 90 minute video)

I saw on Twitter Erin saying that she was playing Pac-Man 99 and some Pokemon game with Mike and I thought, “That’s weird.  Mike must have forced her to play some video games with him.”

No.  I misread.  She was merely advertising her Twitch stream.  She played this game on stream, for money.  As usual.  I don’t know why I didn’t realise this straight away.  Erin doesn’t play video games in her spare time.

Then she talks about how addicted she is to this Pokemon game so now wants a plush novelty of one of the characters.

“New Pokémon Snap is so fun. It also caused me to want a plush Arbok”

She’ll never play the game again but maybe Mike will buy the stuffed toy for her so that she can put it on her dollar store shelves.

So Pac-Man 99.  What a bad decision this is.  We’ll be able to see just how bad Erin is at the game compared to the general “gaming” audience.  The thumbnail shows Erin in seventh place so presumably that’s the highest that she got to.  Maybe Mike was playing that round, though.

0:15 – She’s thanking the horntards for giving her money.  

Erin: Thank you so much William Patrick.  I really appreciate that.  I hope you’re doing well.  He says, “Guess who?”

Mike: Woody the Woodpecker.

Erin: Did somebody say “Woody the Woodpecker?”

Mike: No, I’m saying that he’s Woody the Woodpecker because he said “Guess –” that’s his catch pharse.

Erin: Oh.  I haven’t seen a lot of Woody the Woodpecker.

Mike: (Bad Woody Woodpecker impression) Guess who? (Woody Woodpecker laugh)

Erin: (clueless) Oh yeah.  I know that part.

Mike: He says, “Guess who?”

Erin: Oh.

Mike: Because he comes out of the tree.

Erin: The tree?  Like that Pokemon…

Mike: And he says, “Guess who” and then he laughs.

Erin: Does he do it like that?  With like the scary eyes?

Mike: He does because he’s Woody the Woodpecker.

Erin: Wow.  That’s terrifying.

What amazing chemistry these two have.  Mike is talking about some nerdy bullshit from his childhood and Erin has absolutely no clue what he’s talking about and doesn’t give the slightest of fucks.

She doesn’t even know the fucking character.  She keeps referring to him as “Woody the Woodpecker” because that’s how Mike introduced him.  But “Woody Woodpecker” is the name of the character.

Naturally, she has never seen a Woody Woodpecker cartoon in her life.  She sat and stared at a wall from birth until the age of 29 when she started her Youtube channel.

And she tries to make a Pokemon reference because they must have just recently played a Pokemon game on stream, for money.  These are the only references she can make.  Just whatever the most recent game that she played on stream, for money.  And 1990s pop music bullshit.

What a way to start a stream.  With this awkward as fuck interaction.  But she can’t help it.  She has absolutely no charisma.  She can’t hold a conversation AT ALL from a combination of not knowing anything about anything and just…I don’t know…general stupidity.

1:00 – “Then we’re going to be playing Pokemon Snap.  NEW Pokemon Snap.  Don’t you like that Nintendo named it NEW Pokemon Snap?”

Pause the video at exactly 1:09 to see Mike’s mind racing at this monumentally stupid question.  How is he going to salvage this one?  She obviously doesn’t know about the naming convention for New Super Mario Bros and the like.  But he can’t explain all of this because it will expose Erin as a total fraud.

So he just changes the subject.

Mike: Who are you playing with tonight?

Erin: Mike.

Mike: I get no introduction?

Erin: Oh yeah.  Sorry.  I forgot.  That’s a big deal.  So if you don’t know, this is Mike.  (awkwardly points).  He will be streaming with me tonight.

Mike: Guess who?

Erin: I hope that’s okay with everybody.  

Then Erin does a Woody Woodpecker laugh that’s only vaguely similar to the actual laugh.  I’m not critiquing her impression skills, but the notes are wrong.  It’s like a Chinese bootleg version of the Woody Woodpecker laugh.

Erin: I can’t do it as good as Britney Spears.  I like like the inhale that she takes before.

Oh yeah.  We all know the Britney Spears Woody Woodpecker impression that she does.  What?  What is she even talking about?  

Oh.  I looked it up.  I won’t soil the blog by linking to it but there’s a PAINFULLY stupid video of Britney Spears doing a Woody Woodpecker impression from 2014.  And Erin thinks that we all know about this.  Mike doesn’t have a fucking clue.  Nobody in the chat knows what she’s talking about.  She just makes a random Britney Spears reference because that’s all she knows.  She’s fucking stupid.

So that was the introduction to the video.  Erin having an awkward as fuck and brainless discussion with Mike.  Nobody knows what the other one is talking about.

By the way, the thumbnail that showed Erin in 7th place is how the stream starts.  So she apparently got 7th place OFF STREAM.  That’s convenient.  Let’s see if she can replicate this achievement when the camera is rolling.

And she’s only on rank 2.  Your rank goes up the more you play the game.  That means that she got 7th place on one of her first attempts at the game.  She must be a real Pac-Man pro.

Oh.  Then she asks Mike if he wants to go first and he declines, saying that it’s her stream.  So she takes the controller from him.

So yeah.  That was him playing.  He got to seventh place.  Not Erin.  He was the one playing off-stream.  He was showing her how to play.  Giving her some pro tips so she doesn’t completely embarrass herself.

2:15 – Then she does an insulting impression of the chat.  Well, they are mentally retarded.  It’s fucking outrageous.  Insulting the mentally retarded.  These retards are giving you money.  

Erin drops the controller and then Mike says it was a million dollars.  Erin says, “It wasn’t a million dollars.  Because there’s going to be somebody in the comments like, ‘It was a million dollars?” and then she makes the face above, imitating her mentally retarded “fans”.

It’s absolutely disgusting.  This is what she thinks of the people in the chat.  And she’s right, of course.  They are retarded.  But she’s happy to take money from these retards.

So she’s playing this Switch game with a Super Nintendo controller.  Mike did this on his Pac-Man 99 stream.  It doesn’t work.  There aren’t enough buttons or analogue sticks or something to play the game properly.  So why the fuck are they using it?  Erin doesn’t need the extra challenge.  She needs every advantage she can get.

3:00 – Erin says, “You’ll give me twenty bucks for it?  No.  No.  I don’t know what I’m saying.”

She got embarrassed because her idiotic female comedy half-joke wasn’t going anywhere.

“I’ve only played this a few times.”

Great.  Let’s check it out.  You lead the horntards to believe that you got to seventh place on one of your first attempts so let’s see.

“I really liked Tetris 99.”

She played it once.  On stream, for money.  And then never again.

3:45 – “So I like that…all the ghosts…I like the ghost train that you eat.”


By the way, this is a HORRIBLE layout for this.  The bottom corner of the screen is covered by the window that has Erin and Mike in it.  Couldn’t she have re-sized this just a tiny bit so that we can see the entire fucking game area?  You can cover up some of the stuff on the side bars but not the actual playing area.

Erin is TERRIBLE at the game, by the way.  You know how in Pac-Man, you wait by the power pellet for the ghosts to arrive and only when they get close to you do you eat the power pellet?  This way you you can eat them, which is a bit part of the game.

Erin doesn’t know this.  The ghosts are nowhere near her and she eats the power pellets.  She’s in absolutely no danger and she eats the power pellets.  She’s just randomly going through the maze.  SHE NEVER FUCKING PLAYED PAC-MAN BEFORE!

I mean, what the fuck.  This is a strategy that ANYONE figures out within the first two or three play sessions of Pac-Man.  Erin doesn’t know it.

Then she eats a power pellet when the ghosts are ALREADY BLUE.  This is just unbelievable.  

She re-tweeted a doctored Pac-Land gif recently.  As here:

She wants the world to know that she is ALL ABOUT Pac-Man.  Because she recently played Pac-Man 99 on stream, for money.  HORRIBLY.  

This has to be the worst Pac-Man footage I’ve ever seen.  How can anybody be this bad at the game?  She obviously has never played Pac-Man before.  How is it possible?  Even for somebody who doesn’t like video games, hasn’t just about everybody played Pac-Man at some point in their lives?   Some version of the game?  Maybe that Google thing from a few years ago?  Something?

She never played it.  I’m not saying this as a joke or exaggerating or anything like this.  She genuinely has never played PAC-MAN before.  It’s impossible.  Just look at this fucking footage.

4:45 – Then she dies and she says, “I panicked!”.  No.  You suck ass.  You’ve never played this before.  PAC-MAN.  

“Everybody seems to like Pac-Man 99.  It’s fun!”

Oh yeah.  This is some fun shit for Erin.  First time in her life playing Pac-Man.  And she’s fucking god awful at it.

Then she shouts out Super Geoff.  This is a guy who also posts on her Twitter.  He’s a mentally retarded black man who works in a grocery store, as mentally retarded men often do.  It’s no criticism of grocery stores but it’s true that it’s one of the few places that retarded people are able to find work at.  And this man is CLEARLY mentally retarded.  I won’t get into it.  But just look at his Twitter.

So she got 62nd place that time.  Out of how many?  99, I guess.  Wow.  Those other 37 people must have been mentally retarded too.

Round 2.  Mike is talking about which Star Trek members he wants to have sex with while Erin plays the game really, really poorly.  Once again, she dies without clearing the first stage and she just immediately goes to the power pellets.  This is how I used to play on the Atari 2600 version as a 7 year old.

Did she do better or worse than 62nd place?  Has to be worse, right?  Yeah, 71st.  I don’t get this.  Who are these people dying even faster than Erin?  Are they intentionally dying for some reason?

7:00 – “Thank you so much Games and Movies for gifting a sub.”

This is that guy who has a bunch of videos of him at Disney World and whatever hugging the characters.  And he’ll leave comments on Youtube videos that just say “HUGS!”.  And look at the guy.  He’s CLEARLY RETARDED.  

Here’s a video from his channel:

Nobody ON EARTH would not recognise that man as retarded.  I know that “retarded” is a big naughty word these days but I’m not saying it as an insult.  The man is legitimately mentally retarded.  Same as SuperGeoff.  These are the people going to the chat.  These are the people giving her money.  Doesn’t she have ANY sense of decency?  And she’s fucking mocking these people.

7:00 – Mike continues to talk about Star Trek and Erin keeps trying to change the subject because she doesn’t care AT ALL about this but Mike continues.  This is really, really annoying.  How could he possibly live with this woman?  She’s fucking awful.  He’s talking about this nerdy shit and she can’t even pretend to care.  She can’t even shut the fuck up while he’s talking about this nerdy shit.  

He’s doing this for the chat.  The chat asked some stupid, nerdy question.  Shut the fuck up and let him answer the question.

So round 3.  Erin continues to eat every power pellet she can find, straight away, even when there are no ghosts anywhere near her and even when the ghosts are already blue.  She also makes no attempt to eat the ghosts when they’re blue.

She makes some totally off-topic comment, “Space cowboy was on my (something)” because she’s totally incapable of contributing to this Star Trek discussion.  Then she dies again.

“Thanks Games and Movies.”  Maybe he gave her more money or said “HUGS!”.

She got 45th this time and is happy with that.

Mike is continuing to talk about Star Trek and Erin isn’t even listening.  She wants nothing to do with this.  She’s talking to the chat.  She’s looking at everything other than Mike.  “Please just get me the fuck out of here.  Why did I leave California for this?  I wonder if my job at the record store is still available.”

Then she starts dancing.  She has NO IDEA what Mike is saying.  She hasn’t been listening.  I haven’t even been listening.  I don’t give a fuck about this stupid shit.

Then she interrupts him to thank another retard for giving her money.

Oh my god.  She immediately goes to the power pellet.  This is just unbelievably bad.  She never played fucking Pac-Man before.

Why is nobody calling her out?  Why is somebody like Pam aka CannotBeEntertaining associating with this CLEAR FRAUD?  Pam knows that Erin is a total fraud.  How can you not?  

Why are Joe from Gamesack and John Riggs holding Erin up as some kind of real “gamer”?  Okay, they’re trying to have sex with her but…is it worth completely destroying your integrity?  You can try to have sex with her WITHOUT claiming that she’s an actual “gamer”.  

And the most baffling thing of all is Erin’s mother sending her a Super Mario Bros gingerbread house for Christmas.  Erin’s mother MUST know that Erin has absolutely no interest in video games.  It’s Erin’s mother who would set Erin down every day in front of the staring wall.  She knows that Erin never played fucking video games until the age of 29 when she started the Youtube channel.  So why in the name of fuck is Erin’s mother sending her video game related TRASH for “the holidays”?  

We have another 90 minutes of this and I’ve already gone on too long.  It’s just…Pac-Man.  Erin never played PAC-MAN before.  

The first review I did of Erin was on Pac-Land.  And in that video, Erin says, “Power pellets?  Are they called power pellets?  It sounds weird to me.”  That’s when I first knew that something is not right here.  She never played fucking Pac-Man before.  She does not play video games.  At all.  She has no interest in this.  This is a scam to shake horny retards down for money.  

Let’s just see if she ever improves.

10:30 – Mike has been talking about Scottie from Star Trek and Erin said “Ew Scotty?  Oh, I was thinking of somebody else.”  Then at 10:30 she just starts laughing and says, “I have no fucking idea what you’re talking about.”

She doesn’t know the character Scotty.  And this is somebody who has claimed numerous times that she’s a big Star Trek fan.  

Do I still have the review where Mike showed her the Star Trek shirts?  Let me check my personal archive.  Sadly, no.  But there was a video where Mike was showing Erin various Star Trek t-shirts and she had NO IDEA who anyone was.  She would just vacantly read the t-shirts.  Most of them had the name of the character written on them.  

But there was one shirt that didn’t have the names of the characters on them so she started panicking.  She didn’t recognise the characters.  And who was on the shirt?  The obscure characters of Captain James T Kirk and Captain Jean Luc Picard.

Big Star Trek fan.

Then Mike and Erin start arguing because she’s CONSTANTLY interrupting him with stupid shit.  And Mike is trying to answer the fucking question.  He’s clearly getting annoyed with this, as anyone would be.  

She says, “Stop talking to me.”  Maybe she’s retarded too.  He’s not talking to her.  He’s answering the fucking question from the chat.  All you have to do is sit there, shut the fuck up, and play the game poorly. 

51st place that time.

13:00 – They’re talking about how the guy who played Geordie is a guest host on Jeopardy.  Erin says that he’s a good host.  Mike asks who the other guest hosts have been.  Erin doesn’t know.

So she knows that Levar Burton is a good host of the show but doesn’t know any of the other hosts.  So she only watched the Levar Burton episodes?  More fucking lies.  She doesn’t do anything.  I think that she just stares at a wall even today.  If she’s not on stream, she’s staring at a wall.

Oh, now Mike is playing.  Erin got bored.  After 10 minutes.  She didn’t even want to play at the start.  She suggested that Mike start off.  He, rightly, refused saying, “It’s your stream.”  

She wants no part of this.  Why does she do it?  Because she wants that $200/month from the horntards or whatever she gets from them.

15:00 – “I’m trying to think if I could pick anybody…I’d pick Lance Bass.”

Oh yeah.  I had to look it up.  I knew it was some boy band from “the 90s” but didn’t know which one.  NSYNC.  

This is all she knows.  It’s fucking boring.  

Then she starts thinking of somebody else.  And comes up with nothing.  She’s a complete fucking moron.

15:45 – “Jose would pick the Spice Girls.  Now, Jose, would you pick all the Spice Girls to host?  I think that that would be a little chaotic.”

It’s a man with limited English abilities and almost certainly mentally retarded trying to participate in this brainless conversation, knowing that the only thing that Erin knows is 1990s pop music.

And then she comes up with that boring as fuck rejoinder.

16:00 – Then Erin tells a RIVETING story about Justin Bieber giving Victoria Beckham a pair of shoes.

Who the fuck would be at all interested in this?  But this is what Erin does.  Erin reads or watches videos or somehow gets this information about 1990s pop stars that nobody fucking cares about.  And then she’ll talk about it like we all know about it.  Like we’re all sitting there watching videos of Britney Spears doing Woody “the” Woodpecker impressions.

17:15 – Erin actually got 80th place.

17:30 – Then they start making fun of Super Geoff, who, as we’ve established, is a legitimately mentally retarded man.  “Who would be Super Geoff’s backup band?”  

Well, I’ll say Corky from Life Goes On, Geri from the Facts of Life, and Benny Stulwicz from LA Law.

But I’m not here to make easy jokes on the mentally retarded.  That’s not what I do.  

What was Erin’s stupid answer?  Josie and the Pussycats.  Why?  What does that have to do with anything?  But she doesn’t know anything.  So she just named a cartoon band.  

18:30 – She died again.  “I’m bad at this while talking.  I need to play this in complete silence.”

I really hope that Mike calls her bluff.  Let her play in silence.  See how she does.

76th place.

Then Mike chastises her for looking at the chat instead of the game.  It’s because she wants nothing to do with the game.

Erin gets annoyed by this.  “I didn’t know that this was Mike Matei Live.  I thought that this was Erin Plays.”

He’s right.  Concentrate on the fucking game.  At least while you’re playing it.  And she just got done saying that the reason she’s doing so bad is because of outside distractions.  So shut the fuck up and focus on the game.  Let’s see if you can do better than 76th place this time.

19:00 – She suggests that her Twitter handle should have been ErinPlaysFartPudding.  There’s no explanation for this.  Some of that “female comedy”, I guess.

43rd place.

21:00 – “What’s our favourite restaurant to go and eat at?  I don’t know.”

They don’t do anything.  Erin in particular.  She stares at a wall.  

What long-time couple would be unable to answer this?  I mean, give something.  Just give ONE restaurant that you’ve eaten at.  McDonalds?  Say McDonalds.  

She’s boring, she’s stupid, and she doesn’t do anything.  So she can’t answer ANY question.

23:45 – They’re talking about the Three Stooges.  Erin says, “Is his name really Moe?  I don’t know anything about the Three Stooges.”

Another rare gap in her knowledge.

I don’t know how Mike does it.  What’s the appeal?  He clearly HATES this.  He HATES her idiotic comments as much as anyone else does.  He hates her rudeness.  He hates her blatant stupidity.  He hates her comments about 1990s boy bands.  He hates her terrible video game abilities.  What is he doing?  Why does he continue this?  

There are people out there who say, “I want to find a woman who likes video games so that we can play video games together.”

I never understood this.  I like women and I like video games but I don’t put the two together.  Video games aren’t even in the top 1000 things that I like doing with women.  And I don’t just mean sexual stuff.  Just about anything is more appealing than playing video games with women.  It’s nice to have somebody to go places with and talk to and whatever.  Video games?  No.  Who cares?  I’m not 11 years old.  I don’t need to sit on the floor and play video games with somebody.

But Erin isn’t even that person.  Mike isn’t playing video games with Erin.  Erin doesn’t play video games.  

So what’s the appeal for him?  Because I think that he was looking for a woman who plays video games.  He’s one of these freaks who wants to find a woman to play video games with.  

It can’t be the conversation.  She’s not particularly attractive.  I mean…how much buttsex does anybody need?  And can’t he find somebody else to have buttsex with?  What about Tony from Hack the Movies?

25:30 – Somebody in the chat says that the Three Stooges is “Basically like a real life Looney Tunes”.  Erin replies, “But without the wacky animals.”

Well…yes.  Thank you for that observation.

27:15 – 63rd place.

28:15 – Mike starts talking about things that Erin likes.  This should be interesting.

Mike: Erin likes the Kardashians.

Erin: No I don’t.

Mike: Yeah you do.

Erin: Oh.  Yeah.  Sometimes.  I haven’t watched it in years.  I know about music.  

Mike: And I know nothing about music.

Erin: Yeah so we even out.

That’s an interesting way of phrasing, “We share absolutely no common interests.”

But yeah.  Music.  That’s it.  That’s the only thing on Erin’s list.  And when she says “music” she means “1990s pop music.”  That is the only thing that she’s interested in by her own admission.

Erin: “I like this girl who does impressions of the Kardashians on TikTok.  That’s what I like.”

Oh.  So when you argued that you didn’t like the Kardashians like 15 seconds earlier, that was a lie.

Then she says that she likes Jersey Shores and the Hills.  She’s a real intellectual.

30:15 – “No, I’ve never been outside of the US.”

No surprises there.  I’ll just move on.  This is going to be long as fuck.  I just want to see how good she does at this.

31:00 – Erin never watched Seinfeld or Friends.  Oh my god.  Let’s just move on.  She’s never done ANYTHING.  Fine.  I can’t keep commenting on it.

But wait a minute.  Erin is all about “the 90s” but somehow missed the two most popular shows of the decade.  Oh fuck.  What was she doing?  I say staring at a wall as a weird half-joke but what else could it be?  She has never fucking done ANYTHING.

She’s just sitting there watching Britney Spears Woody Woodpecker impressions all day?  Reading all the latest news about 1990s washed up pop stars?  

Maybe she and Mike should do some traveling after the “global pandemic” is over.  It would be an opportunity for Erin to broaden her mind.

I used to think that it’s bullshit but it’s true.  You see how people in different countries live.  The public transportation and the different shit in the grocery stores and restaurants and whatever.  It’s a little insight into how people live.  

But Erin prefers going to Disneyland ten times a year.  Who needs international travel when you can just go on the It’s a Small World ride for the thousandth time?

“I’ve never seen Gothic Girl…surprisingly.”

Why would that be surprising?  That’s the default position for Erin.  “Have you ever…”  “No.  No, I haven’t.  You name it, I haven’t done it.”

And is that even the name of a show?  There’s a Goth Girl on IMDB that ran for three seasons but it doesn’t have a Wikipedia page.

31:30 – Erin tells a story about how when she was in high school, a waitress brought her a big bowl of ranch dressing.  She ends the story by saying, “It was one of those things like that’s going to stick with me for life.  That was like 17 years ago.”

So the highlight of Erin’s life is when a waitress brought her a bowl of ranch dressing.  When she was in high school.  

Well, I guess so.  It seems like this was one of the rare times in her life when she was kind of doing something.  She was outside of the house, at least.  So I can see it being memorable for such a person.

Then the chat doesn’t understand what the big deal about this story is so MIKE jumps in and defends Erin’s idiotic story.  

Somebody asks if she ever had Paul Newman’s ranch dressing.  “I probably had it at some point in my life but I can’t tell you anything about it.”

Oh.  Fascinating.

37:30 – 43rd place.  And another retard gave her money.

41:15 – “You want a Pac-Man Amibo?  Do they make those?”

Oh my god.  I have ZERO interest in Amibos but even I know that they make these.

By the way, they never change the attack options.  There’s Standard, Stronger, Speed, and something else and on the other side there’s Random, Hunter, Knockout, and Counter.  Because they’re using an SNES controller, they CAN’T change that second one.  But they can change the first one.  They just don’t.  Because Erin is so bad at the game that it doesn’t even matter.

42:45 – 62nd place.  Mike says, “You have to take first.  First place.”

I’m reminded of the time that Erin got first place in Fortnight on her first attempt.  And then first place again when she teamed up with Mike.  

“Whoa.  Really?”

Yeah.  Or so Erin claims in a now deleted portion of a stream.  In footage that was never recorded.  She was apparently playing a game in her spare time for the first time in her life.  And did phenomenally well.  What a tragedy that she wasn’t recording it.

43:00 – “Do either of us play Dungeons & Dragons?  No.”

Did you really need confirmation on that?

“I tried to.  I played it for a bit and I could not get into it and I tried really hard.  It’s just, it’s not for me.”

Oh sure.  Erin was trying to play Dungeons & Dragons.  She was there with all of her nerdy friends, huddled around a little table.  “I get to be the elf mage!  So cute!”  Then she got slain by a kobold.

44:15 – 67th place.  Erin got distracted talking about a board game that she couldn’t remember.  It had cherries.

45:45 – Now Erin is talking about Creepy Crawlies.  “I never had one.”

47:00 – “Dr Dreadful?  It’s not ringing a bell.”

“Moon boots?  I remember moon boots.  I never had any but they were cool looking.”

“We like Pac-Man 99.  I just realised that it’s one of those games where I can’t talk while playing it.”

So don’t talk.  Shut the fuck up and let Mike talk to the horntards about Star Trek while you focus on the game.  What’s the problem?

49:00 – “I think I like like Tetris 99 and this so much because it’s like so fast-paced and it’s like the sessions only last as long as you can survive.”

Oh.  You really like it, do you?  And Tetris 99?  Huh.  Because I don’t think that Erin has ever played Tetris 99 IN HER LIFE except for that one time when she played it on stream, for money.  And that’s the same thing with Pac-Man 99.  

You know what other game is fast-paced and only lasts as long as you can survive?  Pac-Man (1980) for the arcade.  Erin never played that one.  But there’s also Ms Pac Man (1982) also for the arcade.  Erin might like that one better because there’s a female protagonist.  Or there’s Jr Pac Man (1983) again for the arcade.  Erin might like that one because Jr Pac-Man is so cute.

But she’ll never play any of that shit.  Unless it’s on stream, for money.

By the way, Erin is clearly miserable playing this but she keeps talking about how fun it is.

70th place.

52:00 – 55th place.  And Erin was talking about Super Mario 35 or whatever.  She’s mad that she never got a chance to play it (on stream, for money) before they took it down.

52:15 – “I should have bought a Wii U.  I remember like the week I was going to buy one, they announced the Switch and I was like, ‘Oh, I’ll just wait.'”

Oh.  Yet another story about something that Erin DIDN’T do.

53:30 – “I never got into Animal Crossing but I think the merchandising is very cute.”

God, I still can’t believe how bad this gameplay is.  She always immediately goes to the power pellets.

55:00 – 63rd place.

1:00:30 –

Mike: What’s your favourite Castlevania?

Erin: I don’t know.

She couldn’t even answer this.  Castlevania is, allegedly, her favourite series of all time.  She’s played these games MANY TIMES on stream, for money.  But she doesn’t know.  And Mike even prompted her with the correct answer: Castlevania III.  She’s played that game the most, on stream, for money.  But she doesn’t know.

36th place.

Then she describes Castlevania III as, “That game just feels like home for me.  Like there are parts in the game that are really comfy.”

She played the game a few times, on stream, for money, and that’s it.  But that’s her happy place.  Castlevania III.  Never bothered playing in her spare time, though.

Then Mike asks her to rank the Castlevania games in order from best to worst.  And Erin looks like she’s about to kill him.  She doesn’t fucking know.  She doesn’t know the games.  She only played them once, on stream, for money, with the exception of Castlevania III which she played a few times on stream, for money.

1:05:00 – God, she’s still talking about Castlevania.  Just shut the fuck up.  I don’t want to hear this bullshit any more.  Let’s go back to hearing which Star Trek characters Mike wants to fuck in the ass.

1:09:30 – 52nd place.  Shout out to Hungry Goriya: the super lesbian gamer grrl.  She’s hot for Erin.

1:11:00 – They’re talking about Wall Street Kid.  Erin says, “I tried it, on stream, and I was just like, ‘I don’t know what I’m doing'”

1:12:15 – Mike says that he bought 50 copies of ET in the run up to the AVGN Movie in an attempt to create a false scarcity and drive up the price of the game.  What an odd thing to admit.

1:13:00 – Erin says, “Once, at a convention, I saw an ET for $5.”

Erin didn’t buy it, though.  She doesn’t do that.  She doesn’t do anything.  But she thinks that it’s weird that the game would be that cheap because she doesn’t know anything about video games.

Oh.  She actually thought that the game was over-priced at $5.  Mike didn’t get this either.  She goes on that she saw it at another table for $10 and “Was like, are you fucking serious?”  

She thinks that $5 is a lot of money to spend on a video game.  

Let me check Ebay.

Yeah, between $5 and 20, I guess.  Then a few weird sealed ones for hundreds of dollars.  

She doesn’t have a clue, though.  Five dollars.  She thinks that that’s too much to pay for a video game. It can’t get much lower than that.  

This is somebody who makes $200/month so she has a child’s level of understanding about money.

1:14:00 – “I think I played a Gex game in my life but I don’t remember anything about it.”

1:14:45 – One of the horntards mentions Princess Tomato, a game that Erin played on stream, for money.

“I actually liked it.  That’s like the only text adventure game that I ever gave a shit about.”

It’s also the only text adventure game that she’s ever played.  On stream, for money, of course.

1:16:15 – “No love the PS Vita?  I never have played one.”

Then she asks Mike if he has one.  He says that he has a PSP.  Erin says, “I never had any of that.”

1:16:45 – “Do I like SpongeBob?”

Holy shit.  She’s actually watched this.  “It’s alright” is her review.  “I don’t have anything interesting to say about it.”


1:17:15 – Mike screams like a girl.

“A Night Trap stream?  I might do it.  I mean, I’ve never played it.”

1:20:00 – “So Erin, do you have any early memories of playing Pac-Man or any Pac-Man games?”

Oh, I’m so glad that I stuck around this long.  Finally, we can hear the lies about Erin’s alleged familiarity with Pac-Man.

Erin: I do!  Probably the first video game I’ve ever played was Ms Pac-Man.  It was a tabletop at a steak restaurant with my grandpa.  And then another restaurant had the red tent(?) machine.  Mario.  I think Excite Bike was probably on the other side because that’s what I’ve seen.  

Mike: Mario/Excite Bike, yeah.

Erin: But I didn’t play that.  I played Mario.


Oh my god.  She’s not going to.  She played Ms Pac-Man in a steak restaurant, once, with her grandfather.  That’s her history with Pac-Man.

Oh.  Here we go.

Erin says, “And then I played regular Pac-Man…I don’t remember where.  Ms Pac-Man was the first.  I played first.”

She can really paint a picture.

It’s just lies.  And bad lies.  

I played Pac-Man the arcade game once in my life.  I was never interested in arcade games but I remember where it was.  It was in a miniature golf pavilion.  

That’s the story.  You don’t need more than that.  But if the story is true, or if you’re AT ALL good at lying, you’ll be able to say where it took place.  Just make something up.  “It was at a carnival”.  “It was at a bowling alley”.  Easy.  But Erin is so unfamiliar with video games that she doesn’t even know where arcade games were located.  She can’t even lie effectively about it because she doesn’t know where they were typically located.

1:21:15 – “I would like to have a red tent machine, ummm, one day.”

This was after Mike said that the first arcade game he got was Ms Pac-Man.

Now Erin is all about that fucking red tent machine.  Whatever that is.  Because she played it once with her grandparents at In-N-Out.  And it instilled this lifetime passion for video games in her.

But yeah, that’s it for her Pac-Man story.  She played it in a steak restaurant.  What about any ports?  Did you ever play any Pac-Man ports, Erin.  No.  If she did, she would have said so.

And just look at her horrendous gameplay.  There is no way that she played any Pac-Man game before.  I mean, I’ll give her the Ms Pac-Man at a Chi-Chi’s that one time with her grandfather but that’s it.   It’s not sufficient.  One game of Ms Pac-Man, once in your life, does not a Pac-Man pro gamer make.  

1:22:00 – “I keep sighing, not because I’m bored but because my asthma.”

Oh.  Okay.  That’s two lies in one sentence.

1:24:00 – 54th place.

1:24:30 – “I liked my dad’s review of King Kong vs Godzilla.  He’s like, ‘I fell asleep for a while.  I woke up, they’re on a boat.”  I don’t know what he was saying.

Oh.  The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.  He seems like a bright guy.  A real sharp cookie.  And he sure can spin a mean yarn.

Mike then suggests that if Erin’s father made a Youtube channel reviewing movies, Mike would watch it.

I think that the channel would have limited appeal.  Much like Erin’s channel.  Retards only.

1:25:15 – “Somebody asked if we saw Mortal Kombat.  No.  I haven’t seen any of the Mortal Kombat movies.”

1:25:45 – Somebody asks about that dreadful Talking about Tapes that Mike did and Mike keeps talking about busting Tony’s balls.  I fucking hate this low-brow expression.  But yeah, Mike says it repeatedly.  He’s all about Tony from Hack the Movie’s testicles.  I mean, whatever.  I’m an open-minded guy.  Whatever you’re into.  Nobody’s judging.

1:27:15 – 31st place.  A new Erin Plays record.

Then Mike says, “It takes me a while to warm up with this game too.”

Yeah.  That’s the problem.  Erin just hasn’t warmed up yet.  Give her another five years of intensive Pac-Man 99 practice and she might just break the top 20.

1:31:30 – Alright.  Final attempt.  Let’s see what you got, Erin.  Make those retards proud.

1:33:00 – 71st place.  She got distracted.  By her suckage.

Oh, Erin is playing again.  Bonus.  She’s “addicted” to this game, I guess.

God.  Erin actually ran away from a blue ghost.

And they just keep talking to Hungry Goriya.  Mike, are you fucking blind?  This woman is trying to steal your sugarbaby.  Don’t encourage her.

Wait…maybe he knows what he’s doing.  It’s a way to offload that parasite.

1:36:15 – 25th place.  We learned some pro strats from that gameplay.  Run from the blue ghosts.  Eat all of the power pellets as soon as you can.  Regularly eat the cherry in the middle to advance to the next level, thereby making the ghosts faster and vulnerable for shorter periods of times.  

Then somebody gives her a home remedy for asthma.  Black coffee.  Mike is having none of it.  He never responds to this shit about Erin’s various maladies because he knows it’s all made up.

So that’s the video.  Wow.  That was some shit.

On to the comments.

– “I played it on my channel too. I think it’s best to get as many pellets as you can, wait until the last second to get power pellets, and only get the fruit once all four power pellets are gone. I got 1st doing that.”

Yeah, well, that guy gets it.  But here’s the problem: Erin is bad at video games, doesn’t know what she’s doing, and doesn’t care.  So your pro tips are useless.  Plus, she’ll never play this game again in her life.  So you’re too late.

– “Ok, I was just having some coffee and a leftover birthday brownie and checking stocks at 210pm but yes, I will absolutely stop that and watch this right now :0)”

You’re a real busy beaver, TheyCallMeRubberneck.  Enjoying a birthday brownie.  Checking his stock portfolio.  But he stopped all of that wheeling and dealing in order to watch Erin suck at a video game.  It’s good to have priorities in life.

– “the best couple in the world ♥ love you guys from Iraq”

Erin says, “Aw, haha thank you :)”

It’s terrible what happened in Iraq.  Dropped bombs all over the country.  Killed their leader and much of his family.  Destabilised the country for…going on 30 years now.  And the pretence for this war was entirely fabricated.  

Now this guy is watching Erin Plays.  When will the atrocities end?  

4 thoughts on “Erin Plays and Mike Matei stream Pac-Man 99 on Switch! – Erin Plays

  1. while you're pointing out the idiosyncrasies in her game play and empty-headed commentary and how it contradicts her claims to being a “gamer”, how about we ponder about the fact that she just presents herself as “erin”. no complement, no middle name, no anything. just erin. everyone on cinemassacre has both a name and a middle name. heck, anyone who regularly puts out content on the internet wouldn't go four and a half years just by a single 4 letter name, and nothing else. and it's not like she's a celebrity either, flaunting her status on the strength of a single moniker. she's pretty anonymous, even for e-celeb standards. i doubt that erin is even her real name.

  2. She's boring and she's dumb so incapable of coming up with an interesting “Youtuber” name. And if people like ShiShi ever found out her full real name, these mentally challenged losers would be camped outside of her home every day.

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