https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Ks9b_El1nA
Oh yeah. Three glorious hours of Pam aka CannotBeTamed. I can watch Once Upon a Time in the West or I can watch Pam “reacting” to a video game promotion. I can watch Seven Samurai or I can watch Pam’s vacant expression for three hours. I can watch Avengers: Endgame or…well, I suppose there are worse uses of my time.
It starts with Pam saying “test test test test” a bunch of times. So we’re off to a good start.
What are The Game Awards anyway? I never heard of this shit.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Game_Awards
Some award show that started in 2014? I guess. Geoff Keighley is involved in this. I only know him from that clip of Erin at E4. I didn’t like him. He comes off as disingenuous.
So then the video starts. There’s Sydnee Goodman. That’s not a typo. That’s her name. Let me look this shit up.
Well, there sure are a lot of pictures of her breasts on her Instagram. I guess that that’s what these people were looking for in a host. “Do you like showing your tits off? Okay! You’re hired!”
And she’s not even…I mean…no, I’m not interested. This doesn’t work for me.
So they couldn’t even get a hot chick for this. I mean, if that’s the route that they’re going, if they don’t care about the person’s knowledge or interest in video games, why couldn’t they get a hot chick?
And just look at her Twitter. She’s a straight up imbecile. I won’t even cite examples. ALL OF IT is stupid.
Back to the video. Pam hasn’t said anything other than “test” so far. And god, she’s so fucking obnoxious. She’s sitting there saying NOTHING but she’s still obnoxious. Just her annoying expression. And she’s sipping her wine because she’s a fucking drunk.
3:45 – Now Nina Struthers comes out. Who is this?
Oh. It’s a character. They’re so desperate to have women on this thing, and apparently there aren’t any real women who are interested in video games, so they had to hire an actor to portray a woman who’s interested in video games. This is Mahria Zook. Boy, there sure are some odd names in this thing. I know that they’re God’s chosen people but how about giving the rest of us a chance once in a while.
And this is all just so overly produced. I won’t speculate on the religion of the producers but you’re free to guess.
It’s just unwatchable. This is how things are in the US. Why is everything so over-produced?
Deal or No Deal in the UK was some bearded host and regular people would open boxes. Nothing fancy. That’s the game.
Then I saw the US version and there’s fucking dancing girls and laser light shows and shit. Why? Just open the fucking boxes. That’s all you need. All of this overproduction makes things fake and unwatchable.
So anyway, this Nina Struthers character is REALLY OBNOXIOUS. Why would anybody think that this is a good idea? It’s not funny. It’s off-putting.
I’m five minutes in and Pam still hasn’t said anything. She’s waiting for confirmation that people are watching her. Why wait? Just do your “reactions”. Why only “react” when you know that people are watching you? These are natural “reactions”, right?
5:00 – Oh finally. Pam says that she doesn’t understand this pre-show because they’re giving awards away. They should just make it part of the show. I concur. This doesn’t make sense.
7:00 – “I don’t know what superchats are.”
Oh, she’s in for a treat. That’s when horny losers give you money, Pam. You’ll like it.
I never even heard of any of these games.
8:45 – They cut to a taped victory speech and it’s some giant nerd who owns a video game company or produced the game or something. This is the reality. These are the people who are making the games and these are largely the people who are playing the games: giant nerds. Specifically: giant nerd men. Giant nerd men with bad haircuts who can’t get a date.
But they have this facade that it’s all hot chicks who are playing video games. I mean, look at the award show. There were two people in it and they’re both “hot” women. These people never played a video game in their fucking lives. One of them was literally an actor playing a part.
9:30 – Oh, and now we have Connie. She’s the CEO of Jo-Mei. Does anyone know what that is?
It’s a games developer but I can’t even find out what games they’ve developed. They don’t have a Wikipedia page. Not noteworthy enough.
https://twitter.com/CorneliaGeppert
She’s German. I don’t know if she’s also Jewish. Let’s hope so. It’s only fair. These people have been through so much. Can’t we at least give them The Game Awards? I want an all-Jewish The Game Awards. Is that asking too much?
Anyway, Pam has no interest in this shit. She’s just talking about her pets. I agree. Pam’s pets are more interesting than this shit.
Also, I’ve noticed that most of these games they’re showing feature female protagonists. Who’s watching this shit? Is it all women? Are there millions of women out there tuned into The Game Awards? Is that the audience? Maybe it is.
17:00 – Whoa. It’s some weird old gay guy doing a scripted promo. This isn’t what I want to see. Let’s see some more young Jewish women showing off their tits. That’s what I think of when I think of “gaming”.
18:30 – Oh here we go. We get a musical interlude. It’s a Japanese woman singing…I don’t know. I think it’s in English. Do you suppose that she’s Jewish? Maybe they found a Jewish Japanese woman.
But yeah, I’m really rocking out. This is video games. A Japanese woman singing in what may or may not be English.
I appreciate Melt Banana as much as the next guy. I also like Shonen Knife. Their Osaka Ramones album is a favourite of mine.
But…come on. This is the fucking Game Awards. This is a farce. Why is this 90% women? The Successful Women in Business award show doesn’t have this many women in it.
I’m not even sure if this woman is singing entirely in English. I literally only understood one word so far and I think I’m halfway through the song. Is this mostly in Japanese? I’m asking this totally seriously.
The song is over. Totally incomprehensible. But it sure was slickly produced and she was moving a lot. That’s all that matters.
22:30 – Pam shakes her head at a corny “joke” that the presenter told. Now, Pam is the most receptive audience that you could possibly have for this thing and even SHE doesn’t appreciate the female “humour” that this woman is being forced to employ.
How much less appreciative of this shit are the smelly dudes sitting in their underpants watching this shit?
23:45 – Another fucking musical interlude.
I don’t even know what I’m looking at. It’s a cartoon and the singer is androgynous. And even from the voice, I can’t tell if this is a man or a woman.
Was Rammstein not available? What is this shit? Who is the target audience?
Can we get some men who actually look and sound like men on this thing? Let me look at some statistics. I don’t want to be accused of sexism here.
A quick Google search suggests that 45% of “gamers” are female. Well…okay. I must be grossly out of the loop.
So indeed, this is an awards show aimed at young women. Apparently, these are the people who are playing video games. They want to see women and androgynous…whatever this is. I get it. Whatever. It’s not for me but I’m not the intended audience.
26:00 – Pam isn’t even talking about the fucking awards at all. She’s not interested in who’s going to win the coveted Best Esports Coach award? Sorry, Crusty. It just wan’t your year.
27:45 – Stephen A Smith. Oh. I thought that this was an actor. No, he does some shit on ESPN, I guess? Commentary? But this is clearly entirely scripted and being done for comedy purposes.
28:30 – They show the winner of the best Esports athlete or something. It’s a little fucking nerdy Japanese guy.
This is it. I don’t care what this award show is trying to portray, I don’t care what ridiculous statistics you want to show, THIS is what the average “gamer” looks like. Not Jewish women showing their tits off.
So that was the pre-show. Gveret Goodman is now going to hand over to Geoff Keighley. She also teases an appearance by Eddie Vedder. Who the fuck wants to see any of that shit?
I want more interviews with female-owned game companies that I’ve never heard of. I want Yoko Ono to come out of retirement to sing a song for us. I want to see more commercials for cute games that feature female protagonists. And I want this all to be hosted by Daphne Rosen. THAT’S what video games are all about.
As for Pam aka CannotBeEntertaining, she wasn’t actually too bad. She showed a complete disinterest in the proceedings, which is true to life. This is how a normal person would “react” to this complete joke of a program. And when she did say something related to the show, she was critical of it. And her criticisms were all valid. The Game Awards are a giant piece of shit.