Gamer Girls

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LBOo6UxwBJY

Hey, new top.  The 70s!  I’m so *nostalgic* for it.  Remember Charlie’s Angles?

And we get to see that sweet ice cream/candy cane tattoo.  Hot!

Oh yeah.  If you make this full screen, you actually get a good look at it.  It looks like…well, I’m not here to shit on anyone’s appearance needlessly.  But that is one bad tattoo and I understand why she regrets it.  Bad placement, bad design, bad theme.  I mean, unless I knew that it was ice cream, I would assume that that’s a brain.

0:00 – “Hey guys!  Today I want to try something a little more interactive than usual.”

Oh my god.  It’s finally happening.  Some kind of VR Power Pad video?  Myfreecams?

“Instead of me just playing games and telling you about them, this time I’m going to be playing five different games and I want you choose which one of them is the worst of the bunch in the comments below.  I want you to try to convince me why it’s the worst one.”

What?  This sucks ass.  All she’s doing is fishing for more comments.

God, this is…no.  I’ll give it a chance.  She’s not done yet.

“After two days, I’m going to pin the most compelling response that convinced me which is the worst.”

Oh my god.  It only got worse.

That’s it.  That’s the fucking “prize”.  She’ll pin your comment.

WHO THE FUCK CARES?

So she’s going to play five games that she never played before (of course) and then you, the viewer, has to present your case for which game is the worst.  Presumably you, the viewer, are familiar with the game that you’re choosing.  And Erin, of course, is not.  So…I’m not even sure if I entirely get the point of this.

I mean, who cares if she deems your argument the best?  She’s still not going to play the fucking game.  And why would she anyway?  Why would she want to play bad games?  She doesn’t even play good games.

 And what’s in it for me?  “Wow, I convinced Erin of the persuasiveness  of my argument.”  Now what?  I get all the bitches?  She’ll send me a clock radio?  No.  You just get your comment pinned.

This is the dumbest fucking thing in the universe.  How is it possible that she always comes up with these awful ideas?

Take Madam Fomo, for example.  She does contests where she wants you to subscribe to her pornographic Instragram and her pornographic Twitter and if you do both of these things and leave a comment, you’ll be entered into a no doubt legitimate drawing to win a Switch or something.  That’s how it’s done.  Whether or not the contest is on the up and up, the prize is something that people would actually want.  So she does get a lot more comments.

The prize here is a pinned comment.  Who the fuck cares?

What about an autographed picture from Erin?  Couldn’t she at least have done that?  It would be fucking hilarious and I’d be mocking it mercilessly but it would at least make sense and I could see the horndogs being interested in that.

No.  Just…I’ll pin your comment.

0:15 – “First up is Skate or Die”.  She never played this before.  Of course.

0:30 – “I know that this is like a classic NES game but that doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s good.”

Everybody knows that it’s bad.  Nobody regards this as a classic.

0:45 – Oh god.  Straight away.  She can’t even operate controls for the stage select.

1:15 – “I used to goofy foot back when I would try to skateboard back in middle school”.

I can’t tell if she’s being sarcastic or not.  I’d be astonished if she actually did something in her childhood.

2:30 – She doesn’t know what character she is.  “Okay so I’m the blue.  With my ass in the air.  Of course.  Face down, ass up.”

Shishi has to change his underpants now.

3:00 – “The controls make me want to die.  I guess that’s where the title Skate or Die comes in.”

It’s technically a joke, so I feel it important to mention this.  Most of her “jokes” are just “X looks like Y”.

4:15 – “I’m tired of doing this, I think that we’ve done all of the events, so let’s move on to the next game.”

I doubt that she’s done all of the events but I’m glad that it’s over.  She didn’t know the controls and she didn’t even try to figure it out.  Read the manual?  Look shit up on the internet?  No.  She’s just going to wing it.  She’s such a pro, after all.

I know that the controls are supposed to be bad in the game, but you know what would maybe be an interesting video?  Erin taking the time to try to figure the controls out.  Actually become competent at Skate or Die.

But, no.  That’s too much effort.  She might have to play this game for upwards of 45 minutes.  Let’s just crank out another stupid video where she doesn’t know what she’s doing.  But this one’s different!  The person with the best comment gets it pinned!

4:30 – “Okay, so this is called Thexder.  This is technically a Famicom game.”

Untrue.  Thexder was the first PC game I ever owned.  It was originally a PC game.  And it was excellent.  At least on PC.  I haven’t played it on NES.

“I hear it’s really bad.”

From who?  I’ve never heard this.

“I’ve never played it.”

Well, no shit.

4:45 – “Oh my god.  This is so disorienting.”

It’s because she doesn’t know the controls.  Again.  The game looks perfectly fine.  Not as good as the PC version, though.

“This hurts my brain.  Look at this shit.”

She just doesn’t know the fucking controls.  Has ANYONE ever said that Thexder isn’t a good game?

She’s playing a game, she’s shit at it, so she blames the game.  By that definition, all games are bad.  And indeed, that’s her view.  She has no interest in this shit.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jhHa_sSFPpQ

There’s a complete playthrough of the Famicom version.  It seems to play identical to the PC version.  The bullets seem to work slightly differently, though. And not one person in the comments had anything negative to say about the game.

5:00 – Then she stands still while enemies swarm her and she dies.  So she says, “What was that?” and there was a weird edit.

What are we supposed to be taking away from this?  SHOOT THEM YOU FUCKING IDIOT!  USE YOUR SHIELD!

She doesn’t know how to play the game.  It’s fucking idiotic.  The game isn’t bad.  You’re bad.

5:30 – “I like the colour scheme.  It kind of reminds me of like 80s original Transformers”.

I have no idea how.  But some of that great “colour” commentary that we all enjoy.

“So I think that’s enough Thexder.”

What made it bad?  She didn’t even get past the first little area.

5:45 – Bigfoot.

“Oh my god.  I know about this, actually.”

She’s surprised that she’s familiar with a game.  I am too.

“I thought that it was going to be about the monster.”

Oh.  So how familiar could she actually be about the game?  Maybe she just meant that she’s familiar with the truck.

Once again, she doesn’t know which character she is.  She had the same problem, repeatedly, with Skate or Die.  You’re the one who keeps dying, Erin.  It’s not hard to figure out.

7:00 – She references Bible Buffet.  A game that she made a Youtube video on.

7:15 – “I don’t know what the fuck’s going on.”

That’s the whole video so far.  This is stupid.  She doesn’t know the controls.  She doesn’t know how to play.  Why would anybody want to watch this?

She’s not demonstrating how the games are bad.  She’s demonstrating how she’s a fucking moron who doesn’t take the time to learn how to play a game before doing a video on it.

She literally can’t move this truck AT ALL.  It’s a race and she just sits there while the other truck takes off.  Then the other truck wins the race and she’s still at the starting line.

How does this make it a bad game?  Maybe it is bad but she’s not even fucking playing it.

8:15 – Ha!  She said “boing”!  That’s hilarious!  That’s her catchphrase!

Then she just quits.  Again, what made it a bad game?  Not knowing the controls, I guess.

8:30 – Dynowarz

“We got two little robo-dinos.  That’s cute.”

Uh huh.

She never played this before, of course.

Again, has anyone ever said that this is a bad game?  I never even heard of the game before.

Then…I mean…she just played the game, poorly, for like a minute.  What made it bad?  This is fucking unbelievable.  This is complete low effort trash.

10:30 – “This is Bart Meets Radioactive Man.”

Or Bartman Meets Radioactive Man to give its actual title.

Oh yeah.  She never played this before.  I almost forgot to mention it.  Not that it needs to be said.

11:15 – “At least I can move unlike Thexder or whatever.”

You were bad at the game.  That’s why you had difficulty.  Take five minutes out of your day to learn the controls.

12:45 – “I like the Bart sprite.  I think it’s cute.”

Uh huh.

And that’s it.  Again, she’s bad at the game so it’s a bad game.  That’s all that we’re supposed to take away from this shit.

“I know I had fun playing through these”.

She played these for no more than five minutes each.  And she had no idea what she was doing.  How could she possibly have had any fun?

“I would like to do this again.”

You know why?  Because this was absolutely zero effort.  Even less effort than her videos where she plays one game for the first and last time ever.  Because here she can just play for five minutes, say that the game sucks, and move on.

Then she encourages you to leave a comment to win that sweet, sweet pinned comment award.

This was fucking stupid.

NewWaveJunkie already got his ass-licking comment “hearted” and it’s at the top.  So is this contest already over?  His is the only “hearted” comment.

And I just realised something.  In two days, people will have moved on.  Nobody is going to come back to this video to check who got the pinned comment.  Nobody gives a fuck.

The whole thing doesn’t make any sense.

Oh, Retro Ali left a comment:

– “There definitely are some… interesting NES games out there ahah.”

Holy fucking shit is she boring.

– “I’m sorry but Skate or Die should not be on this list. Take the time to learn the game, it’s actually quite fun.”

That guy will be banned soon even for that mild rebuke but he’s right.  The same applies to every game that she did.  It’s fucking stupid.

 – “I think when you’re comparing games of this quality, you have to look beyond the surface to determine which one is the worst of the bunch. Like yeah, they all mostly look like crap and have horrendous controls, etc, etc. What really separates the puke from the shit, though? 

In my mind, Dynowarz has to be the worst of them all. It’s not overtly the worst in the bunch (that’s probably Big Foot, I’d say), but it has enough going for it that it kind of starts tricking you into thinking that it might be good. The graphics aren’t absolutely abysmal, the music doesn’t exactly pierce your ears to a heinous degree, and it looks like the gameplay could be fun if you can overcome the crap factor elsewhere. It actually has pretty sweet box art as well! 

So what’s the problem? Well, it teeters on the edge of being bad enough to not want to waste your time with it while simultaneously being tempting enough that if you do devote the energy into learning its quirks, maybe there’s a hidden gem underneath all the corrosion. It’s a time sink that likely has an overwhelmingly medium payoff, so instead of playing games that are actually entertaining you end up withering your free time away trying to playing fucking DyNoWaRz. That’s why I say it’s overall the worst of the lot, lol.”

Wow.  That guy really wants that pinned comment award.

By the way, nobody else is really putting any effort into their comments.  They either aren’t answering the question or they’re just saying, “Skate or Die because it’s bad” or the like.

– “Beautiful & like video games”

Did he even watch the video?

– “Oh no. They all sucked and you were terrible at all of them.”

– “I just noticed the tattoo is it new?”

– “IDK. I’d say you are the best”

– “are you singel ???”

– “Skate or Die is better than how’s it’s displayed in this video. If you knew the controls it might have received a different response.”

Yeah.  Also, lots of people are “voting” for Thexder and every single one of these people make it clear that they’ve never played the game before.  They’re just going by Erin’s horrendous playing.

– “And the winner of Hottest YouTube thumbnail goes too!!!!!!”

– “Erin is like a breath of fresh air.”

– “Erin you are so beautiful! We should go on a date sometime…”

– “This girl is so fine”

– “Great idea for viewer participation.”

He’s out of his mind.  The things will say to try to get a date.

– “Thexder is the worst. For real. Also people will say that it’s not because they are Square fanboys or fangirls. They need to be taken down a peg anyway so it should be crowned as “the worst” of all these games.”

That was Joe from Gamesack.  He’s in love with Erin.  His comment doesn’t even make sense.  But Erin replies with, “Nice reasoning. I like this comment. A+”

– “I like the fact that every thumbnail you make is unique. It shows care and dedication for your channel.”

-“So hot so thicc as usual”

Then Erin says, “Thank you”.  Then he replies with, “I got a comment hell ya.”