REVIEW | Xenoblade Chronicles Definitive Edition – Pelvic Gamer

0:00 – Jump scare.

What is she fucking doing?  No exaggeration, this is the worst makeup and hair I’ve ever seen.  You know what she should do?  Watch some of Pam aka CannotBeEntertaining’s makeup videos.  Is she still doing those?

Possibly?  The last one was two weeks ago and Pam is pretty meticulous with the uploads, always churning out some boring pile of shit once a week.

Anyway, back to — god.  I can’t.  I can’t even look at this.  It’s PAINFUL to watch these Pelvic Gamer videos.  She’s just going to review some fucking JRPG that I don’t give a fuck about anyway.

But in the description she says:

I love this game. And it is hands down one of the best JRPGs I’ve ever played. And you should give it a go too!!

I found this interesting.  “Give it a go”, I mean.  It’s a British expression.

I’m reminded of an English work colleague who said, “no worries” and was called out for this by another English colleague.  “You’re just trying to impress (the Australian work colleague)”.  Because “no worries” is, of course, an Australian expression.  It was even in Crocodile Dundee, I think.  But this woman who said “no worries” denied that it was an Australian expression.

I’ve always made a conscious effort to avoid any British or American vernacular.  Because if I use the American vernacular in the UK, it comes off as, “Hey!  Look at me!  I’m different!”  But if I use the British vernacular it comes off as totally disingenuous and like I’m just putting this on.  Trying to sound British.

So if a universal alternative exists, I go with it.  It’s not always ideal, though.  Like with garbage/trash.  They don’t say “garbage/trash” in the UK.  They say “rubbish”.  But “rubbish” is super gay so I’m not saying that.  I say “refuse” instead, the universal alternative.  But then people think, “Refuse?  What the fuck are you talking about?  Oh.  Rubbish.”  So I just try to avoid talking about the subject of detritus.

Aluminum is another difficult one.  They mispronounce the word in the UK and there’s no dispute about that.  Everyone knows it but they continue to mispronounce it out of national pride.  I don’t want to get involved in that.  So one day, I’m in the grocery store and can’t find the aluminum foil.  So I ask one of the workers where the “tin foil” is, thinking that this is a universal term.  He got an attitude with me.  “Oh the TINFOIL.  Yes, the TINFOIL is over there.”  Really emphasised the “tinfoil”.  Fucking asshole.

But I get it.  In the US, I had an encounter with a British family at a job that I had.  And they were asking me where the “garriage” is.  What?  “The garriage.  Where’s the garriage?”  I’m not following this at all.  “The garriage.”  They were getting increasingly angry and I never figured it out so just pointed to a random direction.

They were asking about the fucking parking lot.  Where’s the parking lot..  And they were trying to say “garage”.  They pronounce it “garriage” as in “carriage” in the UK for whatever bizarre reason.

I try to keep things separate, American terms and British terms.  But increasingly, one finds Americans using British terms and the other way around, of course.

Queue, for example.  Fifteen years ago, fucking nobody in the US was saying “queue”.  But now, I think because of Netflix, they are.  And they’re using it wrong.  “Queue line”.  Fucking idiots.

In the UK, a “queue” is like a line of people whereas a “line” is strictly like the geometry term.  It’s something you write.  You make a line through a word, for example, as in crossing it out.  “Queue line” doesn’t make sense.

And what about cell phones?  People aren’t using them any more?  It seems that the British term “mobile” has taken over.

So here we have Pelvic Gamer giving it a go.  Instead of trying it out.  Good for her.  I guess.

Oh, here’s an interesting Twitter post:

She’s complaining about people asking her to review particular games.  She says:

Understand at the end of the day I am going to cover games that *I* want to first and foremost. Life is too short to live for other people and what they want.

By the way, “at the end of the day” is a British term.  But here’s her pinned comment on her latest video:

Woot! It’s finally here!! If you enjoyed this video be sure to check out my Patreon! ^^ For $1 you can vote on which games I play next or TOP 5 videos I do!

So which is it?  Do you care about people’s suggestions or do you just do whatever you want?  She just wants the dollar.  Literally, in this case.  One single dollar.

She’s a fucking hobo begging for change.

I used to encounter a drug addict at the train station always confronting people for money.  I always said, “no” when I’d see him.  Generally, for hobos I’ll add “sorry” but this guy was aggressive and would approach you so you have to be firm.

One day he starts following me home.

Hobo: Sorry, mate.  You’re a big guy.  I don’t want any trouble.  But can you help me out?

Me: No.

Hobo: I just lost my bus fare…

Me: NO!

Hobo: Fuck.  I was just asking for a pound or two.

The same fucking guy every day for like three months.  Pulling this lost bus fare scam.  And he didn’t recognise me.  And I’m not big, he was just trying to butter me up.

But the most galling thing is that he was asking for a pound or two.  Who the fuck gives a pound or two to a hobo?  “Spare change” is the usual amount that they ask for.  This implies something less than a pound.

So anyway, Pelvic Gamer is going to take your dollar and then do absolutely nothing in return.  Sure, you can vote but she’s not going to do anything with that vote.  She plays games that SHE wants to do.  So why the lies?

Just like that drug addict lied about his intentions, Pelvic Gamer lies about hers.  It’s the hobo code.

So the lesson here is don’t give money to beggars, be it the “e” or the street variety.  You’re not going to be able to have any say in what videos she makes.  She’s lying.  She’s just going to take that dollar and spend it on more blue lipstick.  She just made a fool out of you.

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