Land of Illusion for Sega Master System – A Review – hungrygoriya

Okay.  I’m doing it.  All of the gamer grrls seem to love Hungry Goriya.  The gamer grrl’s gamer grrl.  Let’s try this shit again.  I’ve tried in the past and she’s just sooooooooooooooooo boring.

I can’t.  Three minutes and 41 seconds.  That’s my limit on this one.

She’s just fucking reviewing the game.  That’s what she seems to do for all of these.  “Here’s the manual.  ‘A’ jumps.  The graphics are cute.  The gameplay is fun.”

The game is 30 years old.  I just don’t know who’s benefiting from these videos.  If you want to see how the game is, spend 15 seconds of your life downloading the rom and trying it out.  Or if you want to read a review, there must be reviews available online.  Or read the Wikipedia article.  Or watch a playthrough.  Or watch a review that somebody else has already done.

I’ll tell you what might work.  FUNNY reviews.  I don’t mean in the AVGN sense where you do stupid skits but it can be the exact same format as she’s doing but…you know…saying funny stuff.  Instead of boring stuff.

Question Mickey’s sexuality.  Why is he collecting all of this shit anyway?  I don’t remember this from the cartoons.  Where is this nightmarish hellscape anyway?  Why is everything trying to kill Mickey?  Point out plot holes.  Advance your own comical fan theories to try to make sense of the game.

Let’s check out her Twitter.

“Don’t have negative thoughts.” is her description.  I fucking hate this hippie shit.  Some things are bad.  Your “content”, for example.  We’re allowed to point this out.

You know, I would LOVE if everybody created good “content” and I could do reviews about how awesome it all is.  But that’s not the reality.  These gamer grrls all suck ass.  At least as far as content goes.  And, frankly, as human beings.

So what am I supposed to say?  Am I supposed to lie?  “Oh, no.  This video was actually really good.  I loved it when you talked about the colours!  Keep up the good work, ladies!”

Am I supposed to ignore it?  If you ignore the trash, it will just go away.

No, some things in life are unpleasant.  It’s okay to say so.

I can assure you that these same “think positive” people don’t apply this mantra to, for example, Donald Trump.  Hey, how about saying something positive about him?  Don’t be so negative all of the time.  If you don’t like him, don’t talk about him.  Donald Trump is a real person with real feelings, you know.

Hitler.  The man loved his dog.  How bad could he have been?  Dogs sure are cute.  Why do people always focus on the negative?

What these “think positive” people are really saying is “Don’t say anything negative ABOUT ME”.  They can’t take any criticism.  You’re a “hater” if you don’t like their shit content.  They refuse to accept that the content might be bad.

Or maybe it isn’t bad.  I mean, people have different tastes.  You can’t please everyone.  But the people who don’t find your “content” appealing probably aren’t voicing their displeasure because they go through life “hating” on everything.  They’re doing it because they think that your “content” is bad.  It’s as simple as that.  And that’s okay.  It’s okay not to like everything.  And it’s okay to voice these opinions.

Here’s her blog:

On 15 March 2020, she did a post about how she opened a PO box because she was just so sick of people wanting to send her stuff.

Hey, here’s an idea, tell these people that you don’t want this shit.  Right?  That’s what a reputable person would do.  “Guys, I don’t need the video games.  I know what you’re trying to do.  Just stop it.”

No.  “Okay, boys.  Here’s my PO box.  Send me all of your shit and maybe I’ll talk to you.”

Am I a “hater” for pointing out that these women are taking advantage of mentally ill giant nerds who lack any semblance of social skills and therefore can’t get a date with a woman?  I’m a “hater” for pointing out morally reprehensible behaviour.

Maybe you’re the negative person.  Maybe your behaviour is having a negative effect on the world.  Maybe by my pointing this out, I’m attempting to make the world a better place.

But no, she titles that post, “The Kindness of Others and Other Things”.  It’s some kind of fucking Bizarro World.  “Okay, boys.  I’m ready to take advantage of your inability to form a real life relationship with a woman for my own financial gain.  Form an orderly queue.”

These people aren’t sending her these games because they’re kind.  They’re doing it because it’s the closest thing they’ll have to having a girlfriend.  They’re somehow getting off on this.  And she’s taking advantage of this.

Why is nobody sending me games?  Where are all of these kind men who send games to strangers?

Aside from the immorality of taking advantage of complete social retards, I wouldn’t even want this shit.  I have a job.  What do I need with this trash?  If I want a copy of Donkey Kong Jr Math, I’ll just fucking buy one.  But what’s the point?  I downloaded the entire NES library twenty years ago.  You guys ever hear of this?  Emulation?  Roms?

2 thoughts on “Land of Illusion for Sega Master System – A Review – hungrygoriya

  1. Haha I had to listen until I heard inflection in her voice. I seriously thought she was some text to speech program. Wow. She could be the next Alexa. Asperations. She needs to pause after periods though. She must have forgotten them.

  2. It does sound kind of robotic. Pam aka CannotBeEntertaining is similar. Both of these women are Canadian. I don't know. There's just something about Canada that seems to make people boring.

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