Mike and Erin play WARIO WARE on the Game Cube! – Erin Plays


0:00 – The video starts mid-fail.  Erin is doing bad at the game (of course) so has to restart.  That’s how the fucking video starts.

Oh.  You know what this video is going to be?  Erin playing very short mini games and failing at all of them.  This is…this is not something that I want to watch.  It’s as simple as that.

These mini-games are like three seconds each.  So it’s Erin basically saying, “I’ve never played this before” and then immediately dying.  Every three seconds.

Who the fuck thought that this was a good idea?

And this video is edited.  She deleted the earlier portions of this video.  I don’t know how much.  So how bad must she have been at these games on her earlier attempts that THIS is where she starts it?

3:45 – They’re talking about shaving a lightning bolt into Mike’s hair for some reason and Mike says, “If you donate enough subs to Erin, we can do that right now.”

It’s pathetic.  He’s so desperate to prop up Erin’s shit Youtube channel and Twitch stream because that’s what their agreement was about.  She agreed to unlimited butt sex in return for becoming a gamer grrl superstar.  And it’s not happening.  And it will never happen.  It’s sad to witness.  Just give up.  Go back to California and get a job.

4:15 – Erin says that she has 8000 followers in Twitch.

Is that a lot?  I tried to look up how much money a person with 10,000 followers gets but couldn’t really find anything.

No, I can’t.  I’m at five minutes.  This is awful.  I randomly looked through the rest of the video.  Erin says “that’s cute” a number of times.  I’m done.  There’s nothing here that I want to see.  And I don’t understand why anyone would want to see this.

I mean…an idiot playing a game for the first and last time ever, really poorly, and saying “that’s cute” probably about every two minutes on average.  This is stupid.  Two fucking hours of this.

Let me check out her Twitter.  Maybe there’s something semi-interesting there.

No.  Of course there isn’t.

There’s something just so off about Erin.  I don’t even recognise her as a human being.  She lists all of these stupid interests in her description (McDonalds, video games, whatever) but…they’re clearly fake.  She doesn’t know anything about this shit.

And her stories…it’s always about stuff that she DIDN’T do.

Somebody asked her what her favourite television show is.  “I don’t watch tv” was her answer.  And then she listed some shows from “the 90s”.

I don’t recognise any of this as any experience that any human being could have.  What the fuck has she been doing with her life?  She never developed a genuine interest in anything?  She’s never done anything?  She’s 32 years old.

Here’s what I’ve pieced together.

When she was 4 years old, she had some bootleg Barbie cars.

When she was 6 years old, she had an officially-licensed Barbie car.

At around the age of 8, she got an SNES and one game: Barbie Super Model.

Around this time, her father purchased the Revenge of Arcade PC game and she played Pole Position on it.  Maybe once.

She watched Sailor Moon at least once as a child.

At some point in her childhood, she got a Playstation and some Britney Spears game.  She also got Yoshi’s Island and Super Mario All-Stars.

As a teenager, she went to Pink Dog once and threw up afterwards.

She got a degree in English.

As an adult, she worked in a music store.

At the age of 29, she started a Youtube channel where she pretends to be interested in retro video games.

A year later, after spamming various retro video game channels in a callous attempt to enter into a butt sex for Youtube promotion agreement, Mike Matei took the bait and she moved in with him.

That’s it.  That’s as much as I know about her.  And I’ve been watching her videos and streams for at least a year now.  Pretty much all of them.  I don’t think that I’m missing anything.

I mean, obviously there seem to be large gaps in this biography but I think that these sections are intentionally left blank.  She didn’t do anything.  It was just her staring at a wall.

She seems to have no life experience whatsoever outside of being a fake gamer grrl on Youtube.  It’s crazy.

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