https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oQRaa8-uszc
0:00 – “Hey guys!”
Her usual stellar intro.
“What’s up? The time has finally come. I am playing Castlevania: Symphony of the Night for the first time ever.”
On stream, for money. As always.
“I am excited.”
She’s been waiting so long to play this game. On stream, for money.
“I am nervous.”
She doesn’t want her poor gaming skills to be exposed. Don’t worry, Erin. Everyone already knows. They don’t care. That’s not why they’re going to your streams.
“This could easily go horribly wrong and I might have to do a do over stream.”
It makes you wonder how bad the streams are that she DOESN’T upload.
“But we’ll see. I’m really excited.”
So you’ve said.
“We’ve got Shishi here and NewWave and Brisbie and…”
The gang’s all here. Let’s get this party started.
It’s just so fucking pathetic. This is pornography for a handful of hardcore, mentally ill nerds. Why would anybody do this with their lives?
It’s like the Dunkin Donuts man. Remember him? “The 90s”. He would say, “Time to make the donuts” with his exasperated expression. Life at Dunkin Donuts was wearing him down. He was bored with making pastries every day.
That’s Erin. But instead of donuts, Erin is saying, “Time to make pornography for a handful of socially awkward sexual deviants.”
Every day. She has to wake up every day and know that this is her life. She makes weird video game pornography for like five to ten mentally ill dudes. What a pointless existence.
1:45 – “I’ve already played Castlevania 3. Many, many times.”
Always on stream, for money. And about three times. That’s “many, many times” in Erin’s world.
2:15 – HungryGoriya is there. Why? She seems to be in these streams fairly often. What is she getting out of this? She must know that Erin has no interest or knowledge in video games. This is some weird porn. Maybe HungryGoriya has this same bizarre fetish.
Erin misses the first jump. Then the second jump. Then she’s unable to whip the first candle. Three times. So says, “Okay, fuck it” and gives up. Then she misses the third jump. And she’s constantly jumping for reasons that escape me. Then she misses the fourth jump. Twice. Then she gets hit by the first enemy straight away.
This is just so unbelievably bad.
“I’ll get the hang of it. Just give me a second.”
“Can I like stop getting hit?”
She’s getting hit every single time.
Then she starts imitating the character’s laugh. “This laugh!”. It’s just so fucking funny. She’s a comedy genius. Oozing with charisma.
7:00 – “Jump. I got my fingers all mixed up. I don’t think I’ve ever had nerves playing a game before…like on stream.”
Where else would you be playing games?
9:45 – “Yep. First time playing this.”
Of course.
16:15 – She gets the Cube of Zoe. “Zoe is a cute name.”
16:45 – “Kind of, M Buster. It’s better today. Thank you for asking.”
He must have been asking about her alleged carpal tunnel syndrome. Fucking ridiculous.
17:00 – “I did have a Playstation as a kid but the only game I had on it was Spice World.”
What a “gamer”.
19:00 – After being told that she picked up armour by the chat, and mispronouncing “curiass”, clearly a word that she’s never seen before (but is common in video games), she goes to equip it. “So what does that do?”
Well…I’ve never played this game either. But if I had to guess, I’d say that it reduces damage taken.
She’s reading the responses. “Oh, it takes less damage? Oh, it increases your resistances. Cool.”
You know…like armour in video games usually works. I mean, what the fuck? How can she not fucking know this?
31:00 – Somebody in the chat mentions a cameo in a Voutar video. Whoever Voultar is. Some “Youtuber”. Here’s the video:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FQMO8sdzazI
Right at the start, a few nobodies do little intros at the start of this, including Joe from Gamesack. Then it’s Joe’s internet girlfriend Erin who says, “Voultar is back?”
Mike Matei also does an intro.
Those are the only people I recognise. Fortunately, he gives the links to everyone who did one of these stupid intros in the description.
This guy has 73,000 subscribers, which isn’t a huge amount, and I’m seeing the word “solder” in a lot of his video descriptions. He doesn’t actually have many videos, but what’s here seems to be like tutorials on how to mod various old systems.
How many of these videos do you think Erin has watched? If it’s more than zero, I’d be astounded.
Back to this shitty Castlevania video. I guess.
31:30 – So I’m going to grind to that guy a little more because he was kicking my butt. Oh yeah. She died to the boss and then re-loaded. So the chat told her to “grind”.
Who the fuck wants to watch this? Well…the same can be said at any point in any of Erin’s videos.
She doesn’t have a clue what she’s doing. And she’s getting hit a lot.
32:45 – “I’m not used to RPGs and shit where you have to equip stuff.”
She’s said this multiple times during this stream. She never played an RPG. Unbelievable. She’s right there fucking telling you that she never played an RPG. This is some “gamer”.
36:30 – Somebody asks what she puts on her hot dog. “I put ketchup, mustard, sometimes cheese, if it’s available.”
Wow, that is just like super interesting. Such exotic condiments. She’s clearly as passionate about food as she is about video games.
Unbelievable. Even her food is boring.
There’s some fucking hot dog place in California. I think that she’s mentioned it before. Pink Dog or something. She really misses it. And this is what she would get. “Give me a hot dog with ketchup and mustard and cheese, if you have it.”
Wow. I can see why that place is so popular.
I haven’t eaten a hot dog past the age of 10 but I know the regional differences and disputes. Relish, onions, tomatoes, sauerkraut , those hot peppers, whether or not you should put ketchup on them, the importance of bun quality, whatever.
No, just ketchup and mustard for Erin. She’s really living life to the fullest. Exploring the world of cuisine.
Oh here we go.
37:00 – “Yeah, I did go to Pink’s. I went to Pink’s once in high school and I thought it was really greasy and I threw up afterwards and I didn’t go to Pink’s since.”
Oh. I must have been thinking of someone else.
I know who it must have been. Some skank from California who I met up with. She’s a prostitute in the Middle East now. She posts on Instagram once in a while about how she’s crying and her “midlife crisis” and various mental health related shit. How much demand do you think there is for a 35 year old Chinese-American prostitute in the Middle East? Oh, a picture of her in a bra. No thanks. She wasn’t even cute ten years ago. Time to get a job.
Anyway, the world is a sick place. Am I going to go back and watch desperate sociopath Erin milk these horny mentally ill nerds out of cash for another hour? Fuck no. I need something more life affirming.