https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3GipqTH05g0
Hey guys! Today, Erin will be playing some SNES games. For the first and last time ever. On stream, for money. For seconds. Strap in for some excitement!
Think of all of the entertainment options that are available today. Fucking this is what people are choosing to do with their free time.
I’m reminded of the circus. My father took me a few times as a kid. Shriner’s Circus. Possibly Ringling Brothers as well. So these were the marquee circus groups. Three ring affairs.
I don’t know. Even 30+ years ago, I didn’t find this impressive. I liked spending time with my father, I guess, and I appreciated the effort but the circus itself? Kind of boring. People doing trapeze stunts and twirling by their hair and motorcycle death globe shit and those unfunny clowns and those poor elephants giving 40 kids a ride at the same time. It didn’t do it for me. How can this compete with television and video games?
But you go back 100 years, the circus must have been quite a spectacle. It’s quite a change from the drudgery of helping on the farm and maybe playing with your corn cob doll.
So you have Erin Plays. You can play all of these video games, you can watch any movie ever made, you can watch much better streamers, but no. Some people are choosing Erin Plays to devote their leisure time to. She’s not even the equivalent of this corn cob doll. It would be like playing with literal trash. But people are doing it. I don’t get it.
0:00 – “I’m starting with Magic Sword. I think I’m going to like this one a lot.”
Here we go. Again with the bullshit. She never played this before (of course) but says that she’s going to like it. So does that mean that she’s going to play it in her spare time? No. She doesn’t do that. So in what sense is she going to like this game? She means that she’s going to like playing it on stream, for money, for a few seconds. It’s fucking idiotic.
Who has a relationship like this with video games? “I like doing this thing for money.” That can be said about just about anything. Give me $100,000 and I’ll enjoy getting punched in the face. It’s fucking ridiculous. People who truly enjoy things do it for free in their spare time.
I suppose that one could say “I enjoy my job” but you’re not going to do that shit in your spare time. Maybe that’s what she means. I don’t know. But playing video games as your job when you don’t have any interest in them…it’s just bizarre.
“I was confusing this game with something I got on my Switch. I can’t remember the name. Wizard Something.”
I think Magician Lord is what she’s thinking of. What a gamer. Once again, she can’t remember the name of a game. Because she doesn’t play games. She might have played this thing for a few seconds and it was almost certainly on stream, for money.
Then she just literally describes what’s happening in the game. This is dog shit. Am I supposed to find this at all funny?
2:15 – Then she presses the wrong button for some special attack and says, “She didn’t know the name of the button she was pressing. She’s a fake!” which I guess is a dig at me. Because who else is talking about Erin Plays?
But I wasn’t even going to make an issue out of that. Calling the “X” button “Y” is petty. Who cares?
Read the fucking reviews to see a novel length analysis of the MANY reasons why you’re a fake. Essentially, you don’t play video games in your spare time, you’ve never played video games in your life unless you were getting paid for it, you don’t know anything about video games, and you’re terrible at video games. I think that pretty well sums it up.
But who really cares? Am I affecting her in any way? Is Shishi reading these reviews and saying, “Gee, this guy really has a point. I’m going to do something else with my time.”?
The people who want to watch your trash are going to watch it. The people who don’t want to watch it, wont watch it. If anything, my little-read reviews are boosting your view numbers. People are “hate watching”.
2:30 – “Are my wrists up for a challenge of a five hour stream? I don’t think so.”
Again with the carpal tunnel. Fucking two minutes in and people are asking about her wrists. She’s conditioned these losers to ask about her wrists. There is absolutely nothing wrong with her wrists. But if there is, do something else with your time.
3:00 – “She called it salt. Yeah, so on my latest video, I don’t know, I called it pepper in Burger Time somebody’s like, ‘No, it’s salt’ and I was like, ‘Oh, maybe I’m wrong’ but he was kind of a dick about it. But then Shishi looked it up and it turns out I was right. It is pepper that you throw in Burger Time. I need to have more faith in myself.”
How much time and money is Shishi devoting to Erin? He makes a lot of fucking stupid gifs and whatnot of her as well. And he’s in all of the streams, of course. He replies to all of her Tweets. He’s also in all of Mike’s streams, I think.
What a way to live your life. “I’m going to spend all of my time and money on a fake gamer grrl”. Why?
Let’s say that she’s not fake. Let’s say that Erin is the greatest gamer grrl of all time. Why would you spend so much time and money on her? Who gives a fuck? Don’t spend all of your waking hours on watching somebody else play video games.
Let’s say that Erin is some hot babe and he’s jerking off to this. It still doesn’t make sense. You blow your load and then you go eat a sandwich or something. If he was simply jerking off to this shit, he would immediately lose interest after ejaculating. But he doesn’t seem to do that.
There’s some deep mental illness that’s causing this behaviour. And it’s disgusting that Erin takes advantage of this.
4:00 – “Erin’s wrists have a good hour and a half. Well, if anyone knows, it’s New Wave Junkie because he’s been in my streams forever.”
Again with this shit. I won’t even make the obvious handjob joke.
Then she claims that she doesn’t have the energy to do long streams. Maybe this isn’t the job for you, Erin. But what’s more low-impact than playing video games? Think of a job that she could do that would be easier than playing video games. I’m struggling.
6:30 – Somebody suggests that Erin plays an RPG. “If you can suggest an RPG that I’ll actually like, let me know. Because the only RPG that I ever got into was…Mario & Luigi…Superstar or something? For like Gameboy Advance? I played the fuck out of that in high school.”
Come on. She’s so into this fucking game that she doesn’t even know what it’s called.
Let me look this shit up. Mario & Luigi: Superstar Saga. She was close, I guess. And the release date checks out with the time frame. Who knows? Maybe she did actually play this game. Maybe for…who knows? Three hours? That would be a long time for Erin.
7:45 – “Thank you so much Mike for the raid.”
He’s in for some loving tonight. In the butt, of course. Where else?
9:30 – “Oh my god. I think we’re at another bossy boss.”
This is the commentary. She just makes idiotic comments about what’s happening in the game. “Here’s a fairy. Here’s a ninja” whatever. It’s stupid. Who’s being entertained by this?
11:00 – “Look at all of these things. I know they’re like medallions but they look like cookies.”
Oh. X looks like Y. Very funny stuff. Keep those rib ticklers coming.
Let me browse ahead. This is brutal.
She plays this game for like 25 minutes. Fuck. No. I’m not doing that.
Then she plays a Scooby Doo game. She doesn’t have a clue what she’s doing so quits after about 90 seconds.
Oh great. Then it’s more Castlevania. I never tire of that.
Then Smash TV.
Then a bunch of other bullshit games.
Then she ends with a Robcop game. Because what 32 year old woman doesn’t want to play a Robocop game from 25+ years ago? This is what 32 year old women are playing, right? Violent platformers featuring killer cyborgs on an ancient console.
Why isn’t Bobdunga playing these sorts of games? Or Pelvic Gamer? Or SupaPixelGirl? Or Pam aka CannotBeEntertaining? Why do these women all play RPGs and casual games?
Because these women are actually interested in video games. And these are the types of video games that most female “gamers” enjoy playing.
Some women like first person shooters. Some women might even like fighting games. Or sports games.
But how many women are playing 25+ year old poorly-received platformers featuring “macho” characters? The numbers are so small as to be virtually zero. She has absolutely no interest in this, nor should she. As she makes clear on a routine basis, she never played these games before. So there’s no *nostalgia* in it for her. That’s the only possible reason that anyone, of either gender, would ever play these shit old games.
I can see somebody firing up Super Mario Bros once in a while. But Robocop Versus Terminator?
According to Wikipedia, the game got 5.8/10 from Electronic Gaming Monthly. Even at the time, nobody wanted to play this piece of shit.
But Erin is there, “Oh, I like this. This is so fun.” And then she never plays it again. It’s a total scam and she’s getting NOTHING from it.
How long can she go on entertaining Shishi and Sergio and a half dozen other mentally ill losers? There’s no money in this. There’s no prestige in this. This is a complete and total embarrassment.
She doesn’t want to work and she can’t even do this. It too hard on her wrists. Or so she says. But she still wants to get paid. She still thinks that she deserves to have 100,000 subscribers. Just beg for money. “Hey, I’m a 32 year old gamer grrl but I’ve never played video games before and I still don’t really play them but give me money anyway.”
It’s not working and it will never work. Pack your stuff up, move back in with your parents in California, and get a job like everybody else.