Browsing a 1994 JCPenney Catalog with Erin! – Erin Plays

She’s going to get 100,000 subscribers with this?  It is absolutely rock bottom, zero effort trash. Looking at some beat up old fucking catalogue?  Come on.  Nobody can possibly give a shit about this.

And in her last video where she did this, it was just, “Oh, look at this.  Oh, look at that.”  We can all fucking see it.  There was nothing like, “Oh, I had one of those”

I reviewed (or attempted to review) her last catalogue video here:

Yeah.  My memory was correct.  All she did was point out “cute” stuff.  For twenty fucking minutes.

Then later, she got two “cute” toy robots from the 1980s that she saw in this catalogue.  Solely so that she could get some more “content”.

So let’s see how god awful this latest Erin Plays video is.

0:00 – This is the 1994 JC Penny catalogue.  She’s *nostalgic* for this because she used to go to JC Penny.  And she claims that she used to circle stuff in the JC Penny catalogue that she wanted for Christmas.  I don’t believe this for one second.  She didn’t do anything as a child.  She had no interests whatsoever.  She sat in front of a blank wall for 29 years and then started a Youtube channel about video games.

0:45 – She starts with the video game section.  She struggles to remember what the Super Scope was called.  You can hear her frantically looking for the name of this thing on the page.  Then she says, “I never had one of those.”

This is what the video is going to be.  She’s going to go through it and say, “I never had one of those.”  She never had anything.  Ever.  She was locked in a cage and fed gruel through a metal slot for 27 years.

“I remember almost renting Yoshi’s Safari from Blockbuster.”

That’s the closest that she ever gets to *nostalgia*.  Remembering NOT doing stuff.

“I still to this day have never played with the Super Scope.”

We get it, Erin.  You don’t play video games.  You don’t have to keep reminding us.  Move on.

1:30 – She claims to have received Mario Kart in an Easter basket as a child.  This is the first I’ve heard of this.  It’s all bullshit but whatever.  It’s new bullshit at least.  Why has she never done a video or stream of Mario Kart then?  Please refer to my previous comments about bullshit.

1:45 – “Mario Fun with Numbers.  I’ve never played Mario Fun with Numbers.  Maybe that would be a good stream.”

No.  It would not.  And this is the way she views video games.  How about playing Mario Fun with Numbers in your spare time?  No, let’s just do it on stream, for money, for the first and last time ever.

Also, no normal, functioning adult would ever want to play Mario Fun with Numbers for any reason.

“Power Rangers.  That’s a good beat em up.  I did a video on that game.”

Of course.  That’s the only way you play any video games.

2:15 – When looking at Home Improvement, the video game, Erin claims to have watched Home Improvement, the television show.  Naturally, she has no memories of playing the game.  And I don’t even believe that she watched the sitcom.

2:45 – “Isn’t it crazy when you think about it that there were six Mega Man games on the NES?”

She’s blown away by something that happened 30+ years ago because she’s only now become aware of it.

3:45 – Then she waxes nostalgic about playing Batman for the NES for the first time ever as a 29 year old woman making a Youtube video.  She claims that it’s her favourite game of all time.

4:00 – “When I first got the Super Game Boy, it changed my life.”

I don’t remember that video.  In which video is she playing the Super Game Boy?

Oh.  Yeah, that thing that lets you play Game Boy games on the SNES.  She has used that for videos.  So that’s what she’s talking about.  She’s vaguely suggesting that she had this as a child but no.  She’s being *nostalgic* for something that happened a few months ago when she was playing video games, on stream, for money.

4:45 – Listen to her talk about the fucking Game Gear.  First, she says that the Gameboy is a “better deal” because it’s half the price of a Game Gear.  The Game Gear had always been more expensive than the Game Boy.

Then she says, “The Game Gear definitely has its place.   People love the Game Gear.  I mean, it was in colour.  It’s cool.  It’s beefy.  It looks more intense than the Gameboy.”

She doesn’t have a fucking clue.  She’s just looking at the picture.  I mean, we all fucking know that its in colour but she doesn’t realise this.  She doesn’t understand just how basic this level of knowledge is.  Because to her, this is all new.  She became “interested” in video games in 2017.

5:00 – “Then you have your little carrying cases.  I think that these are so cute.  They look like little lunch boxes.”

Does anybody give a fuck?  I mean, who’s the audience for this shit?  I don’t give the slightest of fucks what “retro” plastic trash Erin thinks is “cute”.  Who does?

5:30 – Then there’s a Sports Illustrated for Kids game.  She never played it, of course.  Never even heard of it.  Neither have I.  Who cares?

But then the only *nostalgia* she can muster is again, non-game related.  She says that her school had copies of Sports Illustrated for Kids.  Wow.  Great.  Such an interesting story.

Then she looks at Genesis games.  She never heard of ANY of them.  She just reads the title and moves on.

7:00 – “Ooh, the Sega Genesis has been priced down to $119.99.  Ooh, it’s the Sega Genesis 2.”

WHAT THE FUCK IS A SEGA GENESIS 2?  She just reads it and moves on.  She never fucking heard of this before.  Has anyone?

This would have been an interesting thing to point out.  “Ooh, they were calling the redesign of the Genesis the Genesis 2.  That’s weird.”  But no.  She can’t give you this information because she’s completely clueless about video games.

8:30 – Weird pronunciation of “electronic”.  Long “e” sound.

9:00 – She claims to have had a V-tech laptop and enjoyed pretending that she had a real laptop.  This must have been some time in the past three years.  Just get a real laptop, Erin.  You can get them for pretty cheap these days.  Spend some of that $100/month that you’re getting from Youtube.

9:30 – Then she talks about the colour scheme of one of these toy laptops.  It’s just really bad.  Nobody fucking cares.

10:30 – “Oh my god.  Oh my god.  I had a teacher that had this.”

She doesn’t even know what the fuck it is.  Wow.  This is some real *nostalgia*.  “Here’s something that I vaguely remember existing at my school at some point.”  Whoa.  You really paint a picture, Erin.  It sure takes me back to simpler times.

“Those freaking cardboard bricks.  That reminds me of pre-school.”

Uh huh.  Any story attached to that?  Nothing fucking happened to Erin.  Ever.  She never did anything.  She never experienced anything.

11:15 – “When I was four, I was really into Barney”.

Really.  I have no fucking idea what I was doing when I was four.  It’s just fucking ridiculous.

“I don’t think I had any of this, though.”

Of course you didn’t.  You were raised in a sterile plastic bubble.  It would explain why she seems to have every disease and affliction known to man.

11:30 – “Here are some skateboards.  Look at this Mario one . ‘Go Yoshi’.  That is so cute.”

Yeah.  You ever have a skateboard, Erin?  Of course not.  So more fucking idiotic comments about things being “cute”.

I mean, skateboards were popular in 1990s California, right?  The weather is good for it.  You had Tony Hawk and whoever.  No.  She never owned one.

12:00 – She claims to have had Barbie roller skates.  Really?  In the 1990s?  At the height of inline skating?  I mean, they’re in the catalogue so I guess roller skates were still being sold but I’m calling bullshit on this too.  No roller skates allowed in her deeply religious family.  She was raised in a cult compound that didn’t allow toys.

12:30 – More *nostalgia* for things she didn’t own.  This time, Rugrats toys.  She was really into Rugrats as a kid.  Or so she claims.

She also would have wanted some Power Rangers toys.

13:00 – “That’s cute!  She’s working the drive-through.”

She’s describing a Barbie McDonalds playset that she wasn’t allowed to have as a child.

13:15 – Some Polly Pocket toy. “I would have freaked out if I got that.”

This is fucking trash.  I don’t want to watch another seven minutes of this.  We get it.  You didn’t have any fucking toys and some toys are cute and you like certain colours.  Who cares?

16:30 – Star Trek shit that she never owned.  Listen to her pronounce “Ferengi”.  She never watched a single fucking episode of this shit.  And yet, she claims to be a big time Star Trek fan.  More lies from Erin.

17:30 – Power Rangers.  “I didn’t have any of these”.

This is the world’s worst *nostalgia* trip.

She should start a channel about toys.  Every video can start with, “I didn’t have one of these.”  It would only be a slight change from her video game channel where every video starts with, “I never played this before.”

17:45 – “You know what robot I like from Robocop?  ED-209?  I think it is?  I like him.  He’s a good robot.”

You like him so much that you’re not even sure what his fucking name is.

18:15 – She claims to have owned some Lion King pyjamas and Lion King bag.

19:30 – “I’ll be sure to do more of these.  I think that this was really fun.”

God no.  This was fucking terrible.

I don’t say these things to be needlessly negative.  If she was putting out good content, I’d say it.  I say it when other gamer grrls put out good content.  But Erin produces the most god awful trash imaginable.  I can’t understand why Mike doesn’t help her with these videos.  Or better yet, tell her that these are bad and she should stop doing them.  He knows that they’re awful.  The kind thing to do would be to tell her to stop.

The least she could have done was check out the bra section.

Hey, Retro Ali left a comment:

– “This just made me way too nostalgic.”

From one boring imbecile to another.

Somebody named “ashley pyatt”, who presumably is a guy, despite the name, spams “Erin is a gangsta” and similar comments about Mike Matei and Tony from Hack the Movies repeatedly.

– “As always Erin thiccccccccccc”

Literally, the only thing you see of Erin in this video are her hands.

– “technically mario 2 isnt even mario game its mario chars reskinned over the game of doki doki panic the real mario 2 is the lost levels but awesome vid as allways”

Wow.  Look at this pro gamer.  He knows all the obscure trivia.

– “Erin’s hand lovely as always”

Talk about desperate.

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