https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BlLKRcNtOGM
You guys like trash, right? Well, strap in.
She’s playing the PC-Engine games! Why start there? She hasn’t played any of the TurboGrafx games, except for Splatterhouse. And that was only on stream, for money, of course.
Well, whatever. It’s all going to be the same shit anyway. What difference does it make if she sucks at games that received a US release or she sucks at games that were only released in Japan?
0:00 – Oh god. She starts with some Parodius game and then says, “I really like Parodius and Parodius was a parody of Gradius…” and I tuned out at this point. Mere seconds into this. She’s giving us gaming noobs a history of the franchise. A franchise that she only played recently. Briefly. On stream, for money. But now she’s a fucking expert and she loves the game.
It’s just so disingenuous. Does she not see this? Does she not understand why this is offensive? It’s insulting the intelligence of the audience.
If you like a game, you play it in your spare time. That’s the minimum requirement. She doesn’t even do that. You can’t say that you like a game if you only play it on stream, for money. Why doesn’t she get this?
What I want to see is Erin being honest with the audience. Start the stream by saying, “Hey guys! Today I’m going to play some video games. I’ve never played them before and I’ll never play them again but I sort of enjoy playing them on stream, for money. I guess. Sometimes. For short periods, at least. But please be aware that I will never play these games again unless it’s on stream, for money. I don’t like video games in that sense. I like music and Disney but how am I going to make videos about those topics? So I play video games on stream. If you guys want to watch, that’s cool. If you want to jerk off, that’s okay too. This is a judgement free zone here at Erin Plays. Speaking of which, thank you Shishi for subscribing for 18 months.”
0:15 – “Oh, look at that. That’s cute.”
Uh huh. Off to a good start.
0:45 – You can be the PC Engine man! I’m going to be him.”
Then she chose Bomberman because she’s a fucking idiot and doesn’t know how the character select screen works.
1:45 – “So my goal is when I find a game that I really like, I’m going to do a dedicated stream to the game.”
Oh. Yeah. Makes sense. Because that’s what people do when they find a game that they like. They then play it on stream, for money. And then never again. It’s just fucking stupid. I can not believe that anyone is watching this trash.
But I have a better idea of who the audience is, since I investigated Shishi and that other guy a bit. These are GIANT NERDS. People who are so nerdy that it’s probably due to serious mental health problems.
I mean the mentally ill need to be entertained, even giant nerds need to be entertained, but when you start taking money from these people in exchange for pretending to the their friend, that’s when it becomes immoral. But of course Erin doesn’t give a fuck about this because she’s an immoral person.
3:45 – “That was a cute little boss.”
It’s just so terrible. Is it possible that she thinks that this is good?
How am I going to get through another hour of this? I’ll just have to ignore the stupid comments and only mention the REALLY stupid comments.
4:30 – “As you can probably guess, I think I’m going to be in love with this game. I really like it.”
It’s “cute”. That’s the reason. Fuck off. And she’s only going to play it ONCE. For a stream. For money.
It’s just fucking disgusting on so many levels. Who deserves the blame? The mentally ill nerds watching this shit or Erin for taking advantage of these mentally ill nerds? I suppose Erin. The mentally ill nerds are a vulnerable group and Erin is callously taking advantage of them.
Then Erin is talking to Hungry Goriya, who is in the chat, and apparently was playing Castlevania Rondo of Blood. Erin says, “I love Rondo. I want to play that again.” Once again…why doesn’t she just play it then? Everything has to be on a fucking stream, for money.
Oh, by the way, the screen where Erin is featured is tiny. I don’t know why. Maybe she has a cold sore or something.
She’s also REALLY BAD at getting these powerups. It’s almost like she’s never played a video game before.
7:00 – “Screw you, really cute pirate ship.”
Mike has commented before on her overuse of the word “cute”. He clearly knows that it’s bad. Why doesn’t he sit her down and beg her to stop doing this? Has he done this and she’s just incapable of saying anything else?
10:15 – “The music’s so cute.”
11:15 – “Is this game cute enough for Erin Plays? Yes.”
16:45 – “Look at these little guys. See, I’m noticing new things. I might want to do a video on this.”
It’s the same fucking game that she’s been playing and has already said that she’s going to do a video on it.
19:30 – She starts playing Bomberman 94. I vaguely remember seeing her play a Bomberman game before and getting really pissed off at how bad she was at the game. Let’s hope that’s not the case this time.
20:15 – First fucking bomb, she traps herself and dies. No enemy anywhere near her. She just killed herself from her own fucking stupidity and complete unfamiliarity with the game.
21:00 – “I’m going to die. (doesn’t die) No I’m not.”
She has no clue how this game works. She was clearly out of the way of this bomb but still thought that she was going to die.
Yeah. Then she gets the bomb powerup and says, “So now I can drop two bombs at once, I think?”
What’s the point of this? It’s just so fucking stupid. She never played a Bomberman game before. Clearly. Why start now? On stream, for money? Do something else with your time.
26:30 – “Let’s try a different game because I could sit here and play Bomberman all day.”
After she just demonstrated a COMPLETE lack of knowledge about ANYTHING in this game.
27:30 – She’s playing China Warrior. “I don’t think I’ve ever actually played this.”
You don’t say…
“Maybe I have. Like, I know of it, obviously.”
She might have played it. But she doesn’t remember. What’s she’s talking about here is that she might have played it FOR SECONDS, on stream, for money. She counts that as having played a game.
So when she says, “I’ve never played this before” for every single game she plays, that means that she hasn’t played it AT ALL. Not even for a few seconds, on stream, for money.
“This is like iconic for being really fucking weird.”
I’ve never heard anyone talk about China Warrior. She doesn’t even know the name. She called it “The Kung Fu”, which is the weird translated title that they used for this Turbo Grafx mini console. But the game was released in North America as China Warrior.
29:00 – Somebody asks her if the Turbo Grafx mini is a good system in terms of build quality. She doesn’t know, of course. But she says, “I noticed some lag on…what game was it…I don’t remember.”
What great commentary. How can she possibly notice “lag” in the game? People who say this are super nerds who have played the game on the original hardware and claim to notice a very slight difference in timing on emulators. You think that’s what Erin is talking about? She can’t even remember the name of the fucking game. There’s no way that she played the game extensively on the original hardware and is making this uber nerd observation about the microsecond difference in the emulated version.
“With any of these emulator systems, there’s going to be a little bit of lag.”
She’s just aping what she hears Mike say. I’ve never noticed ANY LAG on any emulator in the past 15 years. I mean, I guess if you’re playing a Gamecube emulator or something, it will probably noticeably lag on some (most?) computers. And like 20 years ago, I had huge lag on some Nintendo 64 games on my emulator. It was because my computer wasn’t fast enough and the emulator wasn’t advanced enough.
But this was 20 years ago. And for a Nintendo 64. Even 20 years ago, all 8 and 16 bit systems were emulated perfectly.
31:45 – Oh. She takes her sweater off. This is what we’ve all been waiting for.
“Have I seen Blazing Saddles? No.”
It’s just ridiculous. She doesn’t do ANYTHING. Don’t ask these questions. “Have you ever…” no. Fill in the blank. You name it and she hasn’t done it.
33:00 – “So what do you guys want to see?”
Competent gameplay from somebody who’s at least remotely interested and knowledgeable about video games. I’m done.
It is annoying. You'd think maybe she would actually play a game many times to get good or even competent at it, and then take to the stream. I mean just speaking frankly what does she have to lose by playing bomberman for a few hours before she streams it? The whole “I've never played this before” is just softening the earth for her atrocious gameplay and utter lack of meaningful commentary on the game itself. My only solace is her failure to gain traction and attract a large audience. I've never been so disinterested in video games than when I watch her stumble through them.
She doesn't play games in her spare time because she has absolutely no interest in video games. She also has absolutely no interest in creating half-way decent “content”. She hates playing video games. Even though this is her “job”.It would be like if you make videos about The Backstreet Boys for a living but you hate The Backstreet Boys. You'll reluctantly talk about them, in a video, for money, but no fucking way would you listen to the albums in your spare time.