Gamer Girls

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n8RQnIlLOr8

Erin played Bomberman games before, briefly, on stream for money.  I think the Saturn game was even one of them that she played.  And she was really, really bad at them.  Naturally.

As recently as two months ago, she was playing a Bomberman game on the Turbo Grafx.  I review it here:

https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2020/06/checking-out-pc-engine-games-on.html

She died on the first bomb.

She didn’t know what the “bomb” powerup did.

She didn’t understand how the blast radius of the bombs works.

So she was entirely unfamiliar with the game.  But that was two months ago.  Has she been playing Saturn Bomberman every day in her spare time and is now a pro?  Let’s find out.

Oh my god.  Twenty-six minutes?  This is too much.  Nobody wants to watch a 26 minute Erin Plays video.  Ten minutes is too long.

0:00 – “Hey guys!  Today we’re going to play Saturn Bomberman on the Sega Saturn.”

It’s redundant, of course.  But she’s totally unfamiliar with the Saturn so has to say it because she assumes that you, the viewer, is as clueless about video games as she is.

“So I thought it would be a good opportunity to try out the new wireless controllers from RetroBit.”

What?  Again with this shit?  I’m pretty sure that she promoted this same company at least twice before.

What must they be paying for these ads?  Pennies, right?  Because how many sales are going to come out of Erin promoting the product?  Four thousand views.  How many people do you think then went out and bought the controller?  Or even clicked her affiliate link?

And she’s so disingenuous about it.  “Oh, it’s the perfect time to try out this cool new controller.”  Like she actually uses it and this isn’t an ad, it’s just a happy coincidence.  She doesn’t fucking play video games in her spare time so she doesn’t use ANY controller.

And even if she did personally use this controller in her free time, who gives a fuck?  Would anybody buy a controller on the strength of it being ERIN’S preferred controller?  That would be a reason NOT to buy one.  “God, if she’s this shit at video games maybe it’s because of the controller.”

Then she gives a full 30 second commercial on it.  Exactly 30 seconds.  That’s what Retro Bit obviously paid for.  Even if they just gave her the controller, that’s the payment.  And she actually says in the video that they gave her the controller, unlike in previous commercials where she left this important piece of information out.

0:45 – “I really love this game because I really love how the level design looks.”

She played this thing briefly.  I’m going to say for less than five minutes.  Maybe way less than five minutes.  On stream, for money.  But she’s talking like she’s very familiar with the game.  I don’t appreciate the dishonesty.  It’s insulting.

“I can play this for a very long time (nervous laugh)”.

She has a nervous laugh because she knows she’s a fraud.  She CAN play it for a very long time, but will she?  Has she?  No.  Of course not.  Unless she’s getting paid.

1:00 – She gets the bomb powerup.  “Okay, so now we can throw more than one bomb at once.”

We all know this.  Well, I wouldn’t say “throw” because that’s a different powerup that allows you to throw bombs but we all know that we can use two bombs now that we have the bomb powerup.  Everyone knows this.  Everyone except Erin from as little as two months ago.  But now she’s talking like she knows all about it.  She’s going to give us some pro tips on this game.  “Hey guys!  Remember to get the bomb powerup to be able to throw two bombs at once!”

“Usually that takes me until not like the second level to do that so I lucked out.”

Is that right?  Are the powerups randomised?  In the first Turbo Grafx game, you get a flame powerup on the first level and a bomb powerup on the second one.  So that would be right there.  But…no, there’s something not right here.  Erin doesn’t have a clue what’s going on.  You probably always get the bomb powerup in the first level in the Saturn game.

1:15 – “You need to blow up all of the red little blinky things.”

It’s just so stupid. 

“I wish I knew what they were called.”

I guess looking it up was too much effort.

Then she gets the animal mount and starts congratulating her awesome video game abilities.  She’s like 10 seconds into the game.  She’s just amazed that she hasn’t died yet.  I mean, it’s kind of true.  She’s doing better than she normally does.  But for any normal player, this would be expected.  It’s expected that you don’t die in the first ten seconds.

1:45 – “I don’t really like clowns but those are pretty cute clowns.”

Oh.  We’re doing this again.

I mean, she did try to talk about the game, for a change, and we saw how that went.  So…she just can’t do it.  She needs to find something else to do with her life.

Yeah, then she gets another bomb powerup.  So this is how the game is.  They give you a lot of powerups.  It’s like the Neo Geo game.  So there’s no reason why she should have been surprised by getting this bomb powerup the first time.

“Uh oh.  We just trapped ourselves.  Oh my god, that was close.  I thought that we were going to be dead.”

Two issues arise.

1.  She didn’t know that the level 1 bomb only extends two tiles.

2.  She didn’t know that you don’t die when you have an animal.  You just lose the animal.

How did she not know these things?  Obviously, because she has almost no familiarity with the game.  Or any of the Bomberman games.

2:00 – “Ooh, so now we got the little flame icon.”

Why is she surprised?

Then she talks about how this flame icon looks like some character that was on skateboards back in “the 90s”.  Did you ever have a skateboard, Erin?  No.  So another story about something that she didn’t do.

Her parents have a lot of explaining to do.  Why does she have absolutely no memories of doing stuff as a child?  Whatever they did, it turned her into some kind of sociopath who has no regard for other people’s feelings and just uses people for her own financial gain.  In this case: 100 Youtube bucks a month.  Fortunately, not all sociopaths are successful.

2:30 – “Look at that.  I want to go to that amusement park.  It is so welcoming and cute and colourful.”

She’s referencing the level complete little graphic.  This is very entertaining commentary.

2:45 – “Oh my gosh.  They’re mice with little cat balloons.”

Oh.  That’s cute.  We can all see it but okay.  You’re pointing out cute stuff.  That’s all that you can do when you don’t know anything about video games.

“Now do you see why I love this game?”

No.  No, I don’t.  And stop this bullshit right now.  You played this game for FIVE MINUTES, on stream for money.  If you loved the game you would have played it in your spare time at some point.  Stop lying to the viewers.

3:00 – “This game, although it’s cute and fun…”

If you removed “cute” from her vocabulary, she would be completely unable to “review” any game.

3:15 – “Back in the day, you could play this online with a friend.”

Yeah.  But did YOU play it back in the day online with a friend?  No.  You first played this game in 2020, for a Twitch stream, for five minutes.  And that’s the ONLY time you played this game before making this video.

When was this game released?  1997.  So Erin was…like 9?  Even by her own questionable account, she wasn’t playing video games at this point.

But she’s again talking about this like she has first hand experience.

Also, I noticed REALLY bad vocal fry during this video.  I used to find Erin totally unwatchable because of this vocal fry and then I guess that I just got used to it.  But it’s really bad and really annoying in this video.

3:15 – “I didn’t have any friends who had a Saturn growing up.  So I wasn’t exposed to the Sega Saturn at all.  Not until later in life.”

Give us the date, Erin.  Because when she says, “Later in life” what she really means is “after I started my Youtube channel, for content”.  But if she said that, which would be the truth, it would sound fucking ridiculous.  And she knows this so that’s why she keeps everything hazy.

3:45 – She claims to be “congested”.

More lies from Erin.  She’s constantly ill.  It’s a way to get sympathy.  It’s all part of her attempts to manipulate people for her own gain.

4:15 – “I’ve actually never played multi-player Bomberman now that I think of it.”

You’ve only played these games briefly, on stream, for money.  Why do you have to think about it?

“My first exposure to Bomberman was a Nintendo Power issue.”

Oh great.  So a story about how she DIDN’T play Bomberman.  This is going to be fascinating.

“I didn’t have the game.”

Huh.

“But I just remember drawing him.  Like from the Nintendo Power article.  I just remember drawing him.  All the time.”

Bizarre.  If true.

5:15 – She talks about some Saturn accessory in Japan being “cuter” than the North American version.

5:30 – “Look at the little hippo swimming around.”

5:45 – Then she gets hit, as a result of awful gameplay, and is surprised that she didn’t die.  She just lost the animal she was riding.  She didn’t know this.  But when it happened, she said, “Oh, that’s right.  I remember.”

This is something that has been in every single Bomberman game ever since they introduced these mounts in probably…the second Bomberman for Turbo Grafx?  That was like 1992, maybe?  1993?  “Hey guys!  Remember 1993?  That was a good year!”

6:00 – “I need the boots.  Or did I get the boots?  It’s been a while.”

I don’t think that the game works this way.  Why is she expecting to get the boots?  It’s not automatic.

6:15 – “You know what I always found funny about Bomberman?”

Oh, please tell us.  Tell us what you’ve “always” found funny about this game series that you’ve played for LITERALLY no more than 15 minutes in your entire life.  On stream, for money.  Tell us about how obsessed you are with this series that you played for a quarter of an hour in your entire life.

Then she tells a bizarre story about how the game is similar to Pac-Man, in the sense that Pac-Man also had a number of games in the franchise.  Then she goes on and on about how popular Bomberman is but you never hear anyone talk about it.

She’s actually presenting Bomberman as some kind of “hidden gem”.  She kind of did a similar thing with Castlevania.  Because to her, these are all “hidden gems”.  Pac-Man is a “hidden gem” to her.  This is all new to her and she can’t even fathom that other people know about this shit.

Mike was doing a stream recently and he was talking about games that Erin likes.  He said, “Erin likes Castlevania and…umm…yeah, she likes Castlevania.”

He must know that this is all fake.  She has absolutely no experience with video games and everything she does is a first play through.  And her alleged fondness for Castlevania is a fraud.  You can’t like a game but only play it on stream, for money.

7:00 – “Where’s Bomberman’s Lego set?”

Is that the test?  Until you get a Lego set, you’re not popular?  What a fucking idiot.  She recently tweeted about this NES Lego set so now she’s all about it.  She wants to tell the world, “Hey!  I know some gaming news!  Kind of.”

And for the second time in this stream, she mentions that there are 70 Bomberman games.  God bless Wikipedia.  Helping Erin perpetuate her fraud since 2017.

8:15 – “So if I’m playing this, you know, not on stream or just by myself…”

Let me stop you right there.  That doesn’t happen.  Just watch the fucking video.  How can she be surprised by such fundamental gameplay mechanics if she plays this game in her spare time?  Not to mention the horrendous gameplay.  It’s fucking bullshit.  This is a bald faced lie.

9:00 – “Oh, he’s pink now.  I like him.  He’s so cute.”

She’s talking about the mount that she gets.

Then she says, “I always feel bad when I kill him.  Like when I take a hit and he dies.”

Not four minutes earlier, she was surprised that this is what happens when you get hit while riding one of these creatures.  But now she says that she “always” feels bad about it.

It’s all fucking horse shit.  All she does is lie.  And it’s a child’s level of dishonesty.  She contradicts herself within the same fucking video.

9:30 – “So now our bomb length/width is getting even longer.”

Radius.

9:45 – “Look at that little nice detail.  The little lamp post with the flies or butterflies swimming around.”

Moths.

This reminds me of the time when Erin revealed that she doesn’t know what a fly looks like.

Then there’s footage spliced in where Erin says that you can play this game with up to 10 players.  She starts it, “Now that I think of it, you can actually play with 10 players”.  Something like that.  Earlier in the stream, she went on about how you can play with up to 8 players.

Who gives a fuck?  I didn’t even mention this as proof that Erin doesn’t know anything about the game.  But she had to go back and insert this footage in.  Of all the errors that she made in this video, of all of the obvious lies, THIS is what she wanted to correct.

10:15 – “So now we’re on the pirate ship.  This always reminds me of Donkey Kong Country.”

Again, “always”.  She played this game for five fucking minutes.

But this is noteworthy because I don’t think that she ever did a video or stream of Donkey Kong Country.  I might be wrong.  Indeed, I must be wrong.  But if I’m not, this is probably the first time that she ever mentioned a game that she didn’t do a video or stream of.

11:45 – “So far this controller feels pretty good.”

Oh.  RetroBit must have paid extra for additional commercial time.

12:30 – “I’m always weary of wireless controllers.”

She means “wary”.  But this video is certainly making me weary.  I’m not even fucking halfway through this.

13:15 – “I remember when I was a kid…”

Let’s see what this riveting tale about nothing is about.

She saw advertisements in Nintendo Power where you could order game soundtracks.  That’s it.  That’s the story.  She didn’t actually order any.

14:00 – She talks about how people only talk about this game because you can play up to 8 players but that it’s also good as a single player game.  “That’s the only way I’ve ever played this game.”

Yeah.  We know.  For that five minute session on Twitch where you were playing various Saturn games.

You know.  That just reminded me.  Let me try to find the video.

Right here, boys:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JjuNKFWAgdE

Start at 0:00.  It’s Mike and Erin playing various Saturn games.  Erin starts the stream by saying:

I’m here with Mike and we are going to explore the Sega Saturn. Now, I’m excited because I don’t know anything about the Sega Saturn and I’m not afraid to say that but I want to learn about it.

That was five months ago.  I reviewed that video here:

https://www.reddit.com/r/GamerGrrls/comments/f6u5iv/mike_and_erin_play_sega_saturn_games_erin_plays/

Definitive proof, if any were needed, that Erin has been lying this entire video.  “I don’t know anything about the Sega Saturn”.  She explains in this video that she has NEVER played a Saturn game before.

At the 47 minute mark, she starts playing Bomberman.  Obviously for the first time.  She doesn’t know what she’s doing.

53:45 – Mike says, “Your dinosaur is essentially another hit.”  Erin says, “That’s cool.  I didn’t know that.”

She is clearly playing the game for the first time.  This was five months ago.  And this mount thing has been a staple of the Bomberman franchise since about 1993.  So she obviously has no familiarity with the franchise.

So all of this talk about how she “always” thought about Bomberman and she loved the series and she’s a big fan from way back.  All bullshit.  She first played the game five months ago.  On stream.  For money.  For about ten minutes.

She also points out the “cute” hippo in this inaugural attempt at the game and how his eyes widen when a bomb goes off.  This is the exact same commentary that she made in this latest video.  How she “always” found it “cute”.  By “always”, she’s referring to the time that she played the game, on stream, for money, for ten minutes, five months ago.

Let’s just watch the rest of this fucking bullshit.  Try to get through it.  This dumb lying bitch.  How stupid does her audience have to be to fucking believe this?  They aren’t watching the previous videos?

14:30 – She compares the game to Harmful Park.  A game that she often mentions.  A game that she played on stream, for money.  Of course.

16:15 – She has great difficulty beating this level 1 boss.  A boss which she clearly has never seen before.

17:45 – “What’s that thing wiggling?  Oh, it shot us over there.  Are we dead?  Oh, now we’re dead.  Okay, that was funny.  I forgot that that was a thing that happened.”

She didn’t forget.  She never fucking got this far in the game before.  She only played the game that one time, five months ago, for ten minutes.  Stop the obvious fucking lies.  This is an insult to the intelligence.

17:15 – “Look at that big grasshopper over there.”

It’s a preying mantis.  What Erin doesn’t know about the insect kingdom is rivalled only by her lack of knowledge about video games.

Then she mentions that he’s cute.

17:45 – “Ooh, I don’t want that pincher bug getting released.”

It’s a beetle.

She’s horrible at the game, by the way.

19:30 – “This is very stressful.”

Fuck off.

“Do you like how I switch back and forth between saying it stresses me out and it relaxes me?”

No.  I don’t give a fuck.  We all know about your stupid lies.  It’s what you do.

19:45 – “I remember this level”.

It’s impossible.

21:30 – “Oh my god.  What are those?”

They’re the non-timed bombs.  She obviously got the non-timed bomb powerup.  The ones where you detonate them whenever you want.  They have a different sprite.  It’s been this way at least since 1993.  In every Bomberman game since then.  AND SHE’S TOTALLY UNFAMILIAR WITH IT.

But she claims to have played this game before.  She’s presenting herself as some kind of Saturn Bomberman pro.

This is fucking disgusting.

22:15 – “I like having the little bomb detonator thing.  I forgot about that.”

IT’S BEEN FUNDAMENTAL TO THE SERIES SINCE THE VERY BEGINNING!

Fuck off with this fucking bullshit.  Jesus Christ.  Close the fucking channel, you vile fraud.

22:30 – “Oh, I remember this.”

There’s nothing on screen.  It’s just the generic boss stage layout.  But she remembers this.  But she didn’t remember all of those other things.  I don’t even know what she’s remembering.  Just a blank boss stage layout.  She’s “remembering” this basic layout from the stage 1 layout that she played five minutes earlier and doesn’t realise that it’s the same fucking layout in every boss battle for all of the Bomberman games since the very beginning.

Then the boss comes and she clearly has never seen him because she comments on how he’s cute.

22:45 – She dies immediately and says, “I don’t remember what to do.”

YOU’VE OBVIOUSLY NEVER PLAYED THE GAME BEFORE.

Look, if you’ve never fucking played Bomberman let me lay it out for you.  These bombs that you can detonate are the key to beating the game.  Every game.  Every Bomberman game since at least the first Turbo Grafx game.  Everybody knows about them.  If you’ve played ANY game in the series, you know this.

Erin didn’t know about this.  Even if we exclude all of the other shit that she says that she didn’t remember, this is enough.

It’s like playing Pac-Man and saying, “I forgot about the power pellets.”  Which, by the way, is something that Erin sort of said in the past.  “Power pellets?  Is that right?  It sounds wrong to me.”

“Okay, we don’t have the detonators any more.”

That’s another thing that she “forgot”.  She mentioned this a few times earlier in the video.  When you die, you lose your powerups.  She keeps “forgetting” that this is the case.  This has been the case with every Bomberman game ever released.  She “forgot”.  Repeatedly.

“Do we get his little feet?  Like I don’t know what to aim for.”

Did you forget?  You forgot how to beat the level 2 boss?

23:00 – “Oh no.  He pushed the bomb at us.  Oh, this is going to be tough.”

Another thing that she “forgot”.  How the boss operates.

23:15 – “I love the buttons on this thing.  I really love the Saturn controller.  I never know how much I liked it.”

She first played a Saturn five months ago.  On stream, for money.  Briefly.  But now she’s going on about her lifelong passion for the Saturn controller.  Which, by the way, she’s using some third party controller that was given to her for advertising purposes.

24:15 – “I liked the first world where we were in a theme park.  What happened to that?”

Oh yeah.  Earlier in the stream, Erin said that she really liked this game because it’s about being in a theme park.  It isn’t.  That’s just the first few levels.  I guess that Erin “forgot” about that too.

25:00 – “If I die, making it this far, I’m going to be so pissed.”

Level 2.  She considers getting to level 2 an achievement.

Then she gets a game over and gives up.

Boy, she’s not very good at this game.  And she sure did forget a lot.  Something seems fishy about this.  It’s almost like she only played this game for ten minutes before.  On stream, for money.  And she has absolutely no experience with ANY Bomberman game.  Or video games broadly.

25:30 – “I’m lucky enough to own the physical copy.”

Oh really.  Mike did a stream of Bomberman not long ago.  Let me look that up.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kCSDIYK8nfU

He streamed it three years ago.  He got a bit further with the game than Erin did.

But Erin has a physical copy of this game.  A game that five months ago, she admits to never having played before.  She never played ANY Saturn game before.  So she must have acquired this game within the past five months.  Where from?

This is Mike’s game.

Then she shows the manual.

25:45 – “So it does have a list of all of the items, which I should have consulted, it’s just that I forgot that I had the manual.”

What didn’t Erin forget?  She should go to the fucking doctor.  This is not normal.  This might be the early stages of dementia.

Then she says that she’s going to watch some Duke Nukem videos.  Yeah, I don’t think so.

She ends the video by again shouting out the good people at RetroBit.  If you want to purchase it, the link is in the description.

So this was very long.  But let’s see what the horndogs have to say about this BLATANT fraud of a video.  They’re going to be calling her out left and right, I assume.  It’s going to be merciless.

– “Such an epic game! Love the vid!”

– “Makes my day to see a new video from Erin!”

– “Your hot mama.”

– “Do you have any idea how much Saturn Bomberman costs?”

She doesn’t.  It’s Mike’s.  But let’s look this up.

$150.  Is she really going to spend six weeks’ wages on a video game?

She must have “forgot” that it was Mike’s copy.