Gamer Girls

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gI0YdGDkxt8

0:30 – He’s talking about the mountain from Rocky IV.  “Have you ever wondered where that is?”

No, James.  I don’t give a fuck.  Rocky IV was a terrible movie.  And even in good movies, I don’t wonder where the shit was filmed.  

And Jimmy’s acting is so fucking bad.  

“Shouldn’t the moundain (sic) be just as iconic when it comes to Rocky?”

He’s comparing the mountain in Rocky IV to the museum (or whatever) steps from the original Rocky.  

No, Jimmy.  The original Rocky was a critically acclaimed film and a massive hit.  Rocky IV was an unimaginative cash grab that was poorly received by critics and audiences alike.  And the mountain wasn’t even a big part of the movie, as far as I can recall.  I know that there were scenes where he was training in the mountains but…who cares?  

Jimmy really enjoys shit.  I don’t mean just literally (although literally too).  This is a film curator?  Rocky IV?  Family Matters?  He has terrible taste in film and television.  This is the stuff that children in the 1990s enjoyed.  He hasn’t advanced past that.

1:00 – Loads of shots of Jimmy in the airport and the airplane with his mask.  

It was a big scam, Jimmy.  You can take the mask off now.  You’re not going to catch the nasty old cold.

 It’s just sad.  This is a guy, obviously mentally challenged, and this covid scam really fucked him up.  The constant scare mongering was enough to fuck up people with normal intelligences so think what it did to seven and a half years in special education James Rolfe.

2:00 – He’s with some guy named Derek who Jimmy says directed some Rocky documentaries.  Great.

3:00 – “Remember the cabin and the little village area where he trains?”

Not really.

“Where was that?”

Who gives a shit?

Quick shot of an outhouse.  That one went straight to Jimmy’s spank bank.

And Jimmy cannot pronounce “mountain”.  It makes for very difficult viewing when he’s doing a video about a mountain.

4:45 – Jimmy is walking some path to find some film location…or something…I’m already not paying attention.  But suddenly, he comes across a sign that says “area beyond this sign closed to all travel.”  So he gives up.

Okay.  Video’s over.  We travelled to Montana or where ever this is but there’s a little paper sign saying that we can’t go any further.  Guess that’s it.  Oh well.

What an adventurer.  This is like when he refused to go in that Star Trek cave in California because there was a four foot fence in front of it and a sign saying, “closed due to falling rocks.”  He wouldn’t fucking film in there because of this sign, the tiny gate, and his fear of rocks falling on his head.  It’s ridiculous.

5:00 – Then there’s footage of Jimmy comically running in the opposite direction of this sign.  He’s petrified of the sign.  What does he think is going to happen?  The land owner is going to suddenly appear with a shotgun?  

5:30 – “What’s up with that one guy who’s always following Rocky around?”

KGB agent?  Was that a serious question?  Does he not know?

This is the guy who once said of the Soviet military, “Don’t quote me on this but weren’t they called The Red Army?”

6:45 – He’s trying to find some other location, I don’t know what, and he can’t because…again…it’s private property.  

Why even release the video?  

Oh, and they’re looking for a fucking fake cabin that was built just for the movie and that they admit probably was torn down when the production ceased filming.  WHO CARES?  It’s just going to be an empty field.

7:30 – Jimmy is asking this guy Derek or whatever his name is if Rocky is a Christmas movie because the fight takes place on Christmas.  The guy says, “I never thought of that.”

Yeah.  That makes two of us.  Who gives a shit?  Fuck these autistic questions.  You can tell that this guy is uncomfortable around Rainman and his bizarre questions.

8:00 – “It’s pretty messed up that he chooses Christmas to have the fight.”

Oh my fucking god.  It’s a reference to those godless communists not giving a fuck about our Lord and Saviour.  How did this pass Jimmy by?  Well, I know how it passed him by.  Seven and a half years in special education.  But yeah, it was 1980s anti-communist propaganda.  It was the height of the Cold War, Jimmy.  Didn’t you know this?

9:00 – They found some bridge that was in the movie but refuse to go check if the river that the bridge is crossing is the same river as in the movie.  Because they’re too fucking scared to go down there.

9:30 – Awkward as fuck exchange between Jimmy and this guy while they’re driving.  I don’t even want to type it out.  Let’s just move on.

10:30 – So they’re at some fucking mountain and instead of climbing the mountain like Rocky does…they take a tram.  This is so fucking bad.  

I know that Jimmy has problems with his feet and/or legs.  And he’s 40 years old.  He probably shouldn’t be climbing mountains.  But then why make the video?  Do a filming locations video for Forrest Gump or something.  

11:00 – Then there’s footage of Jimmy in this tram, with a mask on.  Nobody else has a mask on.

12:30 – Then they found the spot where Rocky climbed the summit of the mountain and Jimmy says, “Unfortunately, we couldn’t get any closer” and points to a flimsy fence that has a single piece of string running between a couple of poles.  Jimmy didn’t want to step over this fence to get a better shot.  Hey, you have to respect the two foot high fence that’s just a piece of string.

This guy is afraid of his own shadow.  From the covid mask to the running from paper signs and now this.  It’s not even a fence.  It’s just a marker.  

What does he think is going to happen if he steps over it?  The park rangers are going to swoop down on him?  That marker is there for your protection.  If you choose to step over it, that’s your business.  

As a tourist, I wouldn’t step over it.  Because who gives a shit?  There’s no reason to step over it.  And I don’t want to risk tumbling down the mountain.  

But Jimmy is making a fucking “documentary” here.  Of sorts.  Just step over it.  If you see somebody who looks like they’re in a position of authority, maybe tell them that you’re making a video for Youtube, you’re the famous Youtuber James Rolfe, and would it be okay to get a better shot of this particular area?  The guy would probably help Jimmy.  Sure.  It’s okay.  No problem.  Let me untwist this piece of twine so that you can pass through with ease.

God, this is dogshit.  Please end the video.

14:15 – “It felt weird to be at such a major Rocky filming location without anyone else being aware of it.”

Maybe because they don’t give a shit?  Maybe because it’s not a famous movie location?  Maybe they just want to enjoy nature and the beauty of it and they don’t give a fuck about some shitty movie from the 1980s?

16:00 – Now they want to look at some other mountain for reasons I don’t care to explain.  And Jimmy starts almost crying.  He doesn’t think that he can climb it.  So don’t do it.  Who cares?  Nobody.  Not a single person gives a shit about any of this.  Nobody told you to climb a mountain.  This is your idiotic idea.

17:00 – So now some Rocky music is playing and Jimmy is awkwardly ambling up a path.  Then there’s a shot of a sign saying to be cautious of bears.  Jimmy probably shit his pants right here and just continued walking with his pants full of poop.  The stool gives him courage.

17:45- So…oh my god.  They’re nearing the top of the mountain so there’s no longer a path.  So Jimmy takes two fucking twigs to use as walking sticks.

It’s fucking ridiculous.  What is he doing?  How are those twigs going to help him?

18:15 – Jimmy reveals that he’s wearing beat up sneakers for this.  Didn’t he know that he was going to climb a mountain?  Why didn’t he wear appropriate footwear?

18:45 – Derek or whoever tells a story about a kid who fell around here a little while earlier.  He was fine.  Then Derek says, “So we were thinking, ‘What are we going to do?'”

Not be giant pussies?  Realise that you’re men and not little boys?  

20:45 – “Some people are more willing to take risks than others.”

Indeed, Jimmy.  I’d put Jimmy in the bottom 0.1% of risk takers.

21:15 – “For decades, I had pushed myself as hard as I could to make videos.”

Really?  Oh fuck.  This is so bad.

And he’s saying this in the context of being too big of a pussy to go any higher up the mountain.  Earlier, Derek noted a couple of teenagers who gave up.  Great.  But you’re two grown men.  Fucking get your faggot asses up that mountain.

22:00 – Oh my god.  Jimmy starts talking about his children.  He refuses to go up this mountain because he has children.

Is this really happening?  Is this a parody video that the gay men on Reddit made?  

22:15 – Now Jimmy is fucking crying while talking about his children.  This guy…what a complete pussy.  What is this?  What am I watching?  Why did he release this video?  Who thought that this was a good idea?

23:00 – “As Derek and I turned back, I wondered, ‘What was the true meaning of this trip?'”  

You and me both, Jimmy.  What the fuck was the point of this video?  I don’t even care about the fucking mountain.  But now that you’re there, get the fucking shots.  Don’t let paper signs, twine, and your children hold you back.  Make the fucking video.

23:45 – What the fuck?  Now Jimmy is just taking stolen footage from Vimeo and using it in place of him going up the mountain himself.  What is this?  This is fucking terrible.  This has to be one of the worst Cinemassacre videos of all time.

That’s the video.  Horrendous.

John Riggs leaves a comment.  “amazing! I love stuff like this. Would love to see you scout more movie landmarks.”  Go fuck yourself, you degenerate.

Anyway, I was reminded of the time when I climbed Arthur’s Seat.  It’s a small dormant volcano.  It’s in a park in Edinburgh.  I was with my girlfriend.  We’ve gone on a lot of nature walks like this.

So we were just going for a walk to kill some time and I didn’t realise that it was like a small mountain.  I thought it was just a park.  So we didn’t have water or appropriate footwear or anything.  And my girlfriend was wearing a skirt and totally inappropriate shoes.

There are steps carved into the rock so it’s not like you’re climbing with pick axes or anything.  But after a while of walking, I realised that this isn’t a park, this is some kind of small mountain.  But we’d already been walking for like an hour.  And my girlfriend kept taking breaks.  So I asked if she wants to turn back and she’d always say no.

After, I don’t know, two or three hours we get to some kind of landing area.  It’s like the midway point.  And I’m having difficulty walking too so I’m thinking how hard it must be for her.  But she keeps saying that we should continue.  And at this point, I don’t even know what would be easier.  Because we already came this far.  

Near the summit, the carved steps no longer appear.  There’s not a path.  You just have to figure it out.  There are loads of other people, by the way.  People were having picnics and shit at that halfway area.

We both managed to get to the top.  We took some pictures.  Whatever.  On the way down, I nearly died jumping from too high a distance but once you get to a certain area, it’s really smooth sailing on the way down.  One side of this thing has the carved steps but the other side is just a slope.  So it’s easy to walk down from there.  It started to get dark shortly after we got down so it was good timing.

Anyway, we made it to the top and now we have this riveting story to tell.  It was full of excitement, adventure, it was scenic, and we achieved our goals.  Me and this small black woman who was wearing a skirt.

Maybe James should put a skirt on and try again.  Stop being such a fucking coward his entire life.  “Oh my kids!”  Fuck off with this shit.