Finally, the Ideas Man stumbled onto an interesting topic.
The product is two flavours of Gatorade mixed together. Newt talks about how they should have put more thought into this and determine which ratios of which flavours would work best and which flavours complement each other and whatnot as opposed to what this product seems to be: two equal parts of two random flavours mixed together.
That’s fine and good. He’s right, I guess.
But I’m reminded of the greatest product I’ve ever seen: Doritos Collisions. They took two flavours of Doritos, flavours that never existed before, and put them in a bag. And it was sheer genius. I was stocking up on that shit, knowing that it’s a limited edition. Some of the combinations were spectacular but they were all worth getting. There wasn’t a bad one in the bunch.
Then it just disappeared. Why? You have a great product, the best food product of all time, why get rid of it? You can base your entire company around these Collisions.
And why did nobody pick up on the idea? It’s not like you can copyright the mixing of two flavours of tortilla chip in a single bag. Maybe somebody has. Let me look this up.
Well, I’m seeing hints that they returned last year, at least in Canada, with a pickle and cool ranch version. That doesn’t sound good. And cool ranch? That’s just a normal, already available flavour. And I don’t want pickle-flavoured Doritos. So that sounds terrible.
There’s Herr’s Flavor Mix. This looks promising. Red hot and honey BBQ, BBQ and salt & vinegar, and cheddar and sour cream. Is this an American company? Yeah, but this looks crazy expensive. I’m not paying seventy bucks for 24 tiny bags of custom chips, I’ll tell you that. That’s for the glutton who has everything.
Storm Chips are a Canadian thing that have four different flavours in each bag but they’re fucking thirty six dollars. Presumably Canadian dollars. Oh, you get eight bags for that price. How much is 284 grams? That sounds like a normal sized bag. Actually, twice the size of a normal bag. That might be reasonable, actually. Covered Bridge is the brand. Shipping might be a problem. And apparently, their manufacturing plant burned down last year and they’re outsourcing production now.
So Gatorade…I think that I might have had it once. Like the powdered mix. Maybe I had it in a bottle once too. I was interested in Gatorade, the green one was the only variety I remember being available for a long time, but I never drank any.
I have much more experience with Snapple. Mixed flavours…I can’t think of any that would be at all appealing. Maybe it doesn’t work with juices. I don’t know how much actual fruit juice is in a Snapple, though.
Soda could work, of course. Or as Newt is always at pains of saying, as he does in this video as well, “Or ‘pop’ depending on where you’re from.” He’s so cultured. He wants to be inclusive. I call it a “carbonated beverage.”
You could do this at soda fountains at restaurants but you run the risk of looking like a fool.
Oh, slushee-type machines would work for this. It’s probably more socially-acceptable to do this there as well, assuming it’s self-serve.
But whatever, Coke and…fucking…orange Fanta. Or what’s an American orange soda…Crush? Sunkist? God, I’ve forgotten.
Yeah, those are two still-existing carbonated beverages. Crush is owned by the people who make Dr Pepper. I always avoided Dr Pepper, just because the name is so fucking terrible. Who wants a pepper-flavoured soda? But then when I finally had one as an adult, it was vastly superior to Coke or Pepsi. The name is just off-putting. They don’t sell Dr Pepper in the UK that I’ve ever seen.
But yeah, I think using a cola-flavoured beverage as the base is the obvious choice and then you work from there. I don’t drink soda, though, so it’s not a particular interest of mine.
Horseface had a tweet that I wanted to talk about but I ended up deleting the post before uploading it because it didn’t meet my lofty standards. Let’s check out her Twitter.
Oh, she’s posting about WrestleMania. Not that she’s going, but she’s posting pictures of the WrestleMania that she went to last year where she made a complete horse’s ass of herself. I talk about that here:
She’s all about that grappling. What happened to her idea of going to a “WWE-like” (or something) wrestling school? What a great idea for a 40 year old woman to go to a wrestling school.
Who would win in a shoot: PVC Bondage Guy or Horseface? God, is it even a question? Even before PVC Bondage Guy doubled in size, she was fucking nuts. She’d go apeshit on Horseface. Pulling hair, scratching, eye gouging, who the fuck knows. I don’t think it would be much of a technical contest but I’m going with PVC Bondage Guy, no question. And now it’s a fucking big fat crazy chick going after you. That’s terrifying no matter who you are.
Oh, here’s the tweet that I wanted. Horseface is doing some fad diet. She doesn’t describe what it is because she just lives in her own narcissistic world. But it’s a fad TikTok diet called 75 Hard or Hard 75 or something where you choose a diet (any diet) and try to stick with it for 75 days. You also have to exercise for a certain length of time every day and drink a gallon of water every day and read ten pages of a book every day. It’s just some stupid shit that appeals to really vapid women like Horseface who want to think that they’re making some kind of improvement in their miserable lives.
So Horseface talks about licking bowls of food and counting calories. I don’t…get it. She has a bowl of, let’s say, corn chowder from a gas station, and it’s a certain number of calories, and she wants to make sure to consume every single bit so that she gets the maximum number of calories? Why? Why start eating like an animal because you want to maximise your intake of calories? Aren’t you on a diet? Isn’t the goal to eat FEWER calories? Who cares if you leave food on the plate and still put the full amount in your little calorie diary?
Am I not reading this right? Or is she starving herself and wants to get every bit of food so eats like an animal. Horseface, listen…nobody gives a shit what you look like. Just wear an entire top. You don’t have to starve yourself for the horntards or whoever your most recent loser boyfriend is. Put a top on that covers your midriff for once, like a normal person, and go about your day. Concentrate on things that matter.