0:30 – Newt says that Dune is his “Favourite white saviour story.”
Everything has to be about race with this guy. Usually about how white people are terrible. Newt, we get it, YOU’RE terrible but you can’t condemn every person who happens to be white over your own failings.
0:45 – PVC Bondage Guy doesn’t have a favourite Spice Girl. Well, she is 10 years too young for this.
When were the Spice Girls popular? 1995, let’s say. The target demographic was probably 10 to 12 year old girls. PVC Bondage Guy is 27, I think. So she was born two years after the Spice Girls’ heyday.
It’s like asking Newt who his favourite member of the Go-Go’s is. Who the fuck knows?
Anyway, Scary Spice for me. I’m not even particularly into black women but it’s just that the other women are fucking trash. It’s not like English women are known for their looks.
Realistically, I’d fucking any of them, of course. But if I had to choose one, it would be Melanie Brown getting some loving.
Then PVC Bondage Guy says, “I know Ice Spice is hot.”
What the fuck is she saying? I listened ten times. There are only five options. None of the Spice Girls seem to be what she’s saying. But Newt said that this particular Spice Girl was in the Superbowl. So he must have understood her. Which Spice Girl was in the Super Bowl? I can’t figure it out.
Oh. She did say “Ice Spice”. She wasn’t talking about the Spice Girls.
This is hot? These are some really unflattering pictures. It’s a mixed race woman with like a Little Orphan Annie wig on. This is a fetish for somebody? Little Orphan Annie?
No. Not hot. Come on. She’s not even attractive in pictures where she doesn’t have this weird wig. Has the hotness bar been lowered this far? I’d take any of the Spice Girls TODAY over this Ice Spice.
I used to go to the IMDB forums. And people would talk, non-ironically about how hot Nell Carter was. It was a way to normalise fat chicks. “Hey, fat chicks can be sexy too. Like Nell Carter.”
Nell Carter was not a hot chick. She was obese. I’m not saying that she was unattractive. But she was fucking huge. There are no huge hot chicks.
What you never saw on that Gimme A Break forum was people talking about how hot Kari Michaelsen was. This was the girl who played Katie, the stereotypical hot blonde girl. Nobody ever said that she was hot because it was obvious. It didn’t need stating. But these people promoting Nell Carter were doing so because they had a political agenda to push. “Hey, fat black chicks can be sexy.”
Same with PVC Bondage Guy promoting Ice Spice. “Hey, it’s a mixed race woman with a gut and no tits in a Little Orphan Annie wig. Isn’t that hot?”
No. Not hot, PVC Bondage Guy. Don’t try that shit on me. I’m all for being open-minded. There are a wide range of hot chicks. It’s not about race. But this particular woman? Fuck no. Being mixed race and wearing a clown wig does not give you a free pass to the World of Hot Chicks. That’s an exclusive club and I am denying Ice Spice from entry.
1:00 – Newt claims to be a “Huge Spice Girls fan” and that the movie is “awesome.” Well, he is gay.
1:30 – Newt reads how many calories this can is. 150, by the way. He always seems to count the calories.
Just don’t fucking drink this shit if you’re worried about calories. I’ve been drinking basically nothing but water my entire adult life. I didn’t plan it that way. It wasn’t about losing weight. I just didn’t want to carry heavy shit from the grocery store. It’s particularly a problem since moving to the UK because I don’t drive. I’m not going to fucking lug a 24 case of soda home along with the rest of my groceries. I don’t even know if they sell soda by the 24 can case in the UK. I’ve never been in the soda aisle.
But even if it’s a two litre bottle, that’s too much. I’m not doing it. I don’t even like getting a tiny thing of milk for my cereal.
Anyway, the point is that I don’t miss soda or any of that shit. You take it one day at a time and then one day, you’ve gone 25 years without drinking soda.
1:45 – Newt takes a sip of this, after putting his nose right next to the open can, and then gives it to PVC Bondage Guy.
Couldn’t he at least let her drink first? I couldn’t imagine doing this. “Here, let me rub my nose and ass on the can and then you drink from it, PVC Bondage Guy.” No. I’m a gentleman. PVC Bondage Guy drinks first.
Then Newt says, “Oh, no. We’re sharing a soda. Scandalous.”
Exactly. I think that I mentioned something about this before but I can’t find it. I think that’s what he’s referencing.
Then PVC Bondage Guy says, “I know what you’re referencing.” So yeah, it must be something that I wrote about.
Oh, here it is:
2:45 – They reference how scandalous it is to share a soda.
It’s obviously not a big deal but it’s a little gross. Especially when we’re looking at the two people involved. Would you share a can that was given to you by Newt or PVC Bondage Guy? I’m not saying that you’re going to get herpes or something, although it might be possible, it’s just gross. Not in general terms, really but with these two? Fuck no.
Sharing a can of soda with my girlfriend? Fine. With a casual acquaintance? I don’t think so. And I suspect on some level, Newt is doing this for the same reason he does everything: to try to get Horseface’s attention. “Look at me engaging in this 7th grader’s idea of an intimate activity with a crazy chick.”
Anyway, that’s the video. Oh, yeah. They liked the beverage. They were disappointed by the lack of spice, though.
The spice girls are absolute shit. The worst thing on the planet. You can’t really call them a band right? Just a bunch of bitches who want to be famous and adored. Singing other people’s words to prerecorded shit backed up with studio magic. I guess it worked for them. When they were super popular I used to ask who actually enjoys this shit? Yeah it’s for teenage girls but just 2-3 years before the teenage girls all loved Bush because Gavin was so dreamy. At least the girls at my school said so. so what the hell happened? It’s not like Bush is anything great but it’s light years better than spice girls.
I enjoy Bush. I think that the Spice Girls were targetting the same market as New Kids on the Block a few years earlier: 10 to 12 year old girls. I remember in like the sixth grade the girls liked New Kids on the Block. There were maybe a couple of girls who were a little in heavy metal. This was before Nirvana or any alternative stuff.
I can’t imagine there being too many Spice Girls fans who were in high school. Certainly, I didn’t know anybody who was into them. I was like 16 when the Spice Girls were popular. Girls were listening the popular alternative music of the day by then. Spice Girls was for middle schoolers.
Same demographic that the Backstreet Boys was going for and shit like this. Inoffensive boy bands.
If I was 16, Erin must have been 6. I guess that that tracks. They were popular for a few years. So when she was 9 or 10 or whatever, maybe she started listening to music, and this was the shit that she’d listen to. It definitely wasn’t something for teenage girls.
Then I must be misremembering but I don’t know anyone who actually liked them though that shit was everywhere. You could not avoid hearing it. Like the Macarena which I know everyone on earth hated.