I Ranked Every WRESTLING game on NES – John Riggs

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QR7vn310vX8

He’s been doing these Tiermaker videos for years now.  I think it’s time to find some other idea to beat into the ground.

0:00 – He puts a picture up of himself and Zap Cristal.  How about a picture of you and your wife, John?  This is disgusting.  

He talks about how he wanted to be a wrestler and that he’s 6’5″.  He must have given his height a million times in these videos.  He mentions his height in every fucking video.  We get it.  You’re tall.  You’re a tall, fat, bald man who doesn’t care about your family in the slightest.  

He says that he has an underactive thyroid.  I seem to recall him mentioning this before too.  So this is why he’s a big fat guy.  Or so he says.  

But anyway, there’s a treatment for this.  So why is he still a big fat guy?  Maybe he can’t afford the treatment because he doesn’t insurance because he doesn’t have a job. 

Maybe he’s going for a John Tenta look.  You know, Earthquake.  Same hair style.  Same physique.  

Oh, by the way, he’s wearing a “Booty O’s” t-shirt.  And there’s a box of “Booty O’s” cereal in the background.  What is this?  Oh.  A wrestling cereal.

2:00 – He reviews the MUSCLE game.  Hey guys!  Remember MUSCLE?  Those little pink figures?  I remember them.  I had almost all of them.  I had the big poster that listed all of them and I’d mark it off as I got a new one.  

You could buy these figures in four packs for a dollar or something or in trash can-shaped containers that had 10 figures in them or in sets of 24?  48?  I don’t remember.  But those were good because I think the sets were fixed.  I think that they were numbered too.  So if you got set 1, all set 1’s had the same 24 or 48 figures in them.  So you knew what you were getting.  And you weren’t going to get any duplicates.  This is in contrast to the four packs or the ten packs which were just pot luck.

Horny John Riggs also mentions getting these things from 25 cent machines but I don’t remember that.  Not legitimate figures, anyway.  I did get a bootleg MUSLCE figure from a quarter machine, though.  It’s a Ghost figure.  Ghost seems to be a popular bootleg, I assume because the sculpt isn’t complicated.  It’s like the real MUSCLE figures but just a slightly different shade of pink.  

I bet that these bootlegs are worth more than the real ones.  Not that I can retire off of MUSCLE figures, real or bootleg.  

3:45 – Pro Wrestling.  Hey guys!  Remember Pro Wrestling for the NES?

I do remember that game.  I played it at a couple of friends’ houses.  Everybody had this game, except me.  I didn’t have an NES.  I didn’t want one.

John Riggs says that he preferred playing as Kin Corn Karn.  The worst character in the game.  I liked Amazon.

12:45 – WWF King of the Ring.  I had this for the Game Boy.  It was shit but I played it.

Then at the end of the video, he promotes a different wrestling video that he did in July 2020.  And he did this video with Zap Cristal’s husband.  How fucked up is this?  What are they doing?  Some swinging thing?  With fat ass John Riggs?

Let’s check out his Twitter.  Oh, Twitter requires an account to view comments now.  That might the end of Twitter for me.

Google used to have a good feature where you could search through Twitter.  What happened to that?  I think that Twitter ended the agreement.

So…wrestling *nostalgia*.  I think that the first wrestling match that I saw was at a neighbour’s house.  Hillbilly Jim was wrestling.  This is appropriate because this family was a family of hillbillies.

Then another friend’s father would always do like parties for wrestling pay per views, just with his family, but I’d sometimes go.  There would be a lot of snacks and whatnot.  He had a cable descrambler and it would take like an hour or two to “warm up” or whatever.  The picture on the pay per view channels wasn’t good for the first hour or two.  So he’d have to put the pay per view channel on an hour or two before the actual pay per view.  I don’t know the technical explanation for this.

But yeah, it was some Royal Rumble.  I think that Rick Rude was in it.  According to Wikipedia, that might be 1989 but that seems too far back.  Well…actually, maybe that’s right.

I remember watching a Saturday Night’s Main Event where Macho Man won a match against somebody.  Then at school the next day, the kids were talking about it, and I expressed outrage that Macho Man only won because he cheated.  The kids looked at me like I was fucking retarded.  But I was young and fairly new to wrestling.  I didn’t fully appreciate the worked nature of the program.  

I liked Ultimate Warrior.  I know that that’s unpopular these days but he was great.  And I enjoyed his Youtube videos.  He used to make “inspirational” videos and would promote Warrior University, which was some scam he was running.  And he’d paint self-portraits and do little doodles and give these doodles away as prizes.  

There was always one guy who would leave comments about how sexy the Ultimate Warrior is but he’d critique the smallness of his pecs or some muscle.  And this guy was called HomosForHellwig.  Warrior eventually banned him but he’d keep coming back under new names and leaving similar comments.  It was amusing.

Then there’s that video Ultimate Confession:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N3CDDu4AYSg

It’s a doctored video making it sound like Warrior is describing all kinds of homosexual debauchery.  It’s probably the funniest video I’ve seen on Youtube.  Warrior kept getting it taken down but the guy would re-upload it.

Of course, Warrior had a brief career as a motivational speaker at colleges until all of the homosexuals would go his speeches just to heckle him.  His responses were fucking hilarious.

I liked him.  He was a smart guy, he was funny, and he didn’t care about anyone’s opinion.  He just did his own thing.  It was a sad day when he died.  

Then as you get into “the 90s”, WCW started getting big.  I watched all of that with Kevin Nash and Scott Hall.  I didn’t really watch WCW before this.  In my view, perhaps a mistaken view, it was just a shitty version of WWF.

But with the Monday Night Wars, I started watching more WCW and less WWF.  Then the WWF started getting raunchy in an obvious attempt to get ratings and that was a big turn off for me, so I became even more of a WCW fan.  

By about 1997, I was done with wrestling.  The NWO angle had gone on way too long.  It was getting ridiculous with the Latino World Order and whatnot.  They were just completely out of ideas.  Plus, I was an adult by this point so…I wasn’t so interested in professional wrestling.

And the stuff that they call “wrestling” now…you have to be completely braindead to watch that shit.  But you have grown adults like John Riggs and Tony from Hack the Movies and Kieran watching this tripe.    

All of this nerd shit: comic books, Star Trek, wrestling.  I liked this stuff too.  As a kid.  But not as an adult.  These people should be embarrassed.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *