Gamer Girls

If for some reason you’re unfamiliar with Master Sword Music, it’s TeeJayTheGamer’s record label/Youtube channel/fantasy. As here:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCPQKl8M03bZeiP4wNbVhaPQ

You might know Tee Jay better as Mr Wright Way II from Zap “Too Hot to be an Influencer”‘s fine Youtube channel.

Rex Viper is James Rolfe’s embarrassing midlife crisis novelty Youtube band.

So you to Mr Wright Way II’s Youtube channel and you see a lot of videos that are remixes of 8 or 16 bit game console music. So…just instrumentals. And…whatever, chiptune instrumentals. I guess. Is that what it’s called “chiptune”? I don’t know.

Anyway, I don’t want to listen to that shit. I mean…I listened for 30 seconds to some video. It’s remixed video game music. I think. If that’s interesting to you, check it out. But given that the view numbers for these videos is typically under 100, I don’t think that this has mass appeal.

Here’s a birthday song for Zap Cristal. I’m not sure if she was still with the original Mr Wright Way at the time that this was released or not. It’s from March 2023.

0:00 – Oh, this is embarrassing. Mr Wright Way II comes out to some like 1980s hiphop shit and he’s getting jiggy with…something.

There’s a picture of him, Zap Cristal, and an impoverished immigrant in a Darkwing Duck costume.

I’m a minute in. There’s an echo. This is done intentionally but it has the effect of me only being able to understand about 20% of what’s being said. “I love you” is about all I can decipher. I’m flattered, Mr Wright II, but I like the ladies.

1:00 – “We belong together like Link and Zelda.”

I wish that that was among the 80% that I couldn’t understand.

1:15 – “I don’t care if the whole world is mad at me, you will always be my Final Fantasy.”

This seems to be what he does. He sings/raps/whatever and inserts video game references into the lyrics.

1:30 – “She’s the best. Just like my Nintendo.”

You know…it’s difficult to decide which lyrics to quote. Because I want to quote the cringy lyrics but they’re ALL cringy. How can I decide? Are the lyrics just posted here? I’ll just post the lyrics.

Fuck. Talk about amateur hour. No lyrics posted.

1:45 – “She touch me like a 3ds, that’s all that I’m saying.”

Oh god. I don’t even know what that means.

2:30 – “Don’t make me be a single player, so glad I got my gamer girl.”

Eugh. I never want to listen to this again. Do I have to continue this? Rex Viper wins. Okay? We can stop the article here. Rex Viper is clearly superior to this shit.

3:15 – “You can’t tell me you ain’t my boo, I can’t wait to get my hands on you.”

This can be taken more than one way, given Zap’s preference for violent, controlling black men.

So that’s…eugh…the video. I think that it gave me diarrhea.

288 views after seven months.

Let’s move swifly on.

0:15 – Footage of Mr Wright Way II freeloading on Zap Cristal’s shitty Ikea sofa. No arm rests. This must be the cheapest sofa that they sell.

I got a futon from Ikea fuck, I don’t know, 15 years ago. It was the first piece of furniture that I got in the UK. I had an unfurnished place and no bed and no sofa so I combined the two.

I took this thing with me everywhere. I moved loads of times. I remember dragging this heavy thing like two miles away when I was moving to a new place and didn’t have the money for a guy in a van to help move.

So a couple of years ago, it got a huge hole in it, just from wear and tear of my ass being on it. So I got a patch and the patch helped for a while but ultimately the hole kept growing or the patch came loose or something. My sewing skills aren’t amazing.

I didn’t want to get a new sofa because I’ve been through so much with this sofa. So I got new slip covers and also new foam. The cushions were really flat by this point.

Ikea doesn’t make covers for 15 year old sofas but there’s some company in Eastern Europe who does it. It was like £200. They had a bunch of different fabrics and colours and patterns. I got a nice velvet cover.

And for the foam, I went to a local foam shop. Unbelievably, such a place exists. And also, this guy makes custom covers so had I known that, I probably would have made use of the local company but oh well. The foam was another…I don’t know…£150 or something.

So for £350, I could have bought a decent, but not great new sofa from Ikea. But why would I do that? I have a perfectly good sofa. I mean, the frame was good, anyway. And I like the style and design. So I invested the money into keeping the futon alive.

Back to the video. I can’t. I made it to 1:47. It’s the cringiest shit in the history of cringe.

I refuse to look at more videos. I refuse to listen to one more second of any of this shit. This is why nobody is watching the videos. They’re awful.

Cristal Laboy got credit for “directing” that video. She openly uses this name in connection with Zap Cristal so there’s no “doxxing” here. You can find her Youtube channel here:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCZVfHAKHaGJtS_58mPeGPaA

There aren’t any videos there, other than links to Zap Cristal videos, but the banner says that she homeschools her child.

Eugh. That poor kid. Trapped with this lunatic and his latest black stepfather 24 hours a day. And they’re both IDIOTS. What can they possibly be teaching this kid?

It also puts her creepy comments toward this kid into an even more sinister perspective. Like she made some “sexy” videos that he was filming. She was showing her cleavage and whatnot. Oh god. It’s not right. Social services should be called.

What was the thesis here? Oh, this guy’s music versus Rex Viper. Yeah, I’ve listened to all of Rex Viper’s stuff and it’s awful but it’s got to be better than this shit. Let me just listen to a song and see how much I can endure. I couldn’t even get through that two minute song of Mr Wright Way II’s.

Which one should I choose? Nintendo Power of Love, I guess. That’s the only one that I can’t remember so it’s something of an even playing field.

Five and a half minutes. Eugh. I can do it. Rex Viper will actually be a palette cleanser after that Mr Wright Way II shit.

Starts with the Back to the Future theme. Okay. Sounds accurate. I still don’t get the point of these songs but…whatever. They aren’t parodies. It’s just…they take two unrelated things and…do something with them.

2:30 – Oh yeah. Newt is in this one. I think. It doesn’t really look like Newt.

Okay. I’m going to stop at 3:30. It’s shit but it’s still better than anything than Mr Wright Way II ever has produced or ever will produce.