Gamer Girls

He’s filming this one in his bedroom. This is where all the magic happens. With men. Men and prostitutes. And male prostitutes.

Is that even a full-sized bed? He’s sitting on the bed. It looks positively Lilliputian. I mean, I know that Newt is small but does that mean that he has to get a small bed too?

And there’s no headboard. I know that Ikea sells beds with no headboards but only on their cheapest models. Spend the extra $50 and get a headboard, Newt. Women don’t want to have sex in this tiny, headboard-less bed.

And he has the fucking cheapest blackout blinds that Ikea sells too. Newt, come on. You have to up your game.

A blue fucking bedspread too. Newt…the bedspread is not for you. None of this is for you. What the fuck do you care what your bed looks like? The bed should be aesthetically pleasing to WOMEN. They’re the ones who are going to be there. Theoretically.

Although, saying all of that, Newt is openly gay. So…I guess that gay men don’t particularly care about how the bedroom looks? Maybe? They’re just there for the ass pounding and then they’re out of there.

So enough about asses. The Mummy. Let’s hear your ideas, Ideas Man.

1:45 – He thinks it should be rebooted as a horror movie. Tits and gore. Great job, Newt. This is really original stuff.

3:00 – “They used to do mummy unwrapping parties where rich white people would desecrate tombs and unwrap bodies to all of their friends and then people would take pieces of it and stuff.”

Newt really seems to have a misguided view on race. Things aren’t divided by race so much as by class. A rich white person doesn’t give a fuck about you just like a rich black person doesn’t give a fuck about you. You don’t have to try to abandon your “race”, which is impossible, in order to chiill with the homies. All you have to do is understand that a poor black person or a poor Asian person or a poor Hispanic person is in the same position as you are. Once you have this newfound understanding, you won’t have any need to be ashamed by the cosmic accident of birth.

How many mummy unwrapping parties have you been to? Yeah, zero for me too. So there’s no need to be ashamed of what some rich people, who happened to be white, did in their spare time. It’s nothing to do with you. And denouncing white people as a whole won’t score you any points with the vatos. Anyone who’s remotely enlightened won’t give a shit. “Yo, ese, no need to try to impress me, I know you’re not a fat cat. Just be your normal, disgusting, self, dawg.”

5:30 – His idea…such as it is…is that there’s a cult who worships mummies from all over the world. So not just Egypt. He gives the examples of Aztec mummies and…English mummies? What? And he says that the movie would take place in “The moors of England.”

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moorland

According to Wikipedia, there are moors in England. But it’s something much more commonly associated with Scotland. The Highlands.

I was talking to a taxi driver and he was talking about the Highland Clearances of 1750-1860, according to Wikipedia. And he was talking about how the rich people in Scotland today are the descendants of the Scottish nobility who sold out their people to the English nobility lo those many centuries ago. And these people are on tv talking about how proud they are to be Scottish in their posh accents when all of their wealth came from their ancestors selling out the working or peasant class Scottish people with the forced removal from the Highlands.

So this guy wasn’t saying, “Oh, I’m really ashamed to be a white Scottish guy.” He was clued in. He saw where the problem lied: it’s a class issue.

The Norman invasion. It happened in 1066. French nobility invaded England and replaced the English nobility.

Studies have shown that even today, nearly 1000 years later, English people with French surnames are wealthier, on average, than people with English surnames. These people are the descendants of the French nobility and the advantage that they get from that can still be seen 1000 years later. It’s an advantage generation after generation based on class, not based on race.

13:00 – Newt references filming in his bed. “This is where the magic doesn’t happen. Just so you know, I’m sitting my bedroom because I’m folding laundry.”

What? Folding laundry? I’ve gone my whole life without folding laundry. What are you gay? Oh.

But seriously what are you folding laundry for? I just put my underwear in a drawer. It doesn’t need to be folded. Who cares? And shirts get hung up. Pants get folded and put away, I guess, but that takes two seconds.

I remember my mother folding clothes but…why? What was she doing? What was being folded?

Towels, I guess. You’d have to fold towels to store them. But I only have, whatever, three towels and they’re all hung up somewhere and in use at all times.

Bedsheets. I guess bedsheets get folded. I’ll be honest and say that I don’t change bedsheets too often, though.

But other than this…Newt is a single man. Why is he folding clothes? How many clothes does he have that they need to be folded? It just seems weird to me. Maybe I’m the weird one, though.