Gamer Girls

This is episode 67 of a podcast on a channel that has 617 subscribers.

Well, I don’t know. You can’t expect to grow an audience overnight. They’ve only been doing this for a year. But it seems like a lot of work for…what? Is this ever going to take off?

You’ve got Anthony and Brian, the fat and fatter versions of the every man. And then Steve who somehow missed the memo that you’re supposed to a big fat guy if you want to talk about nerd shit. At least they all have beards. That’s a must. And they’re joined in this episode by special guest Horseface McGee aka Crystal Quin.

Well, maybe it will be good. I’m looking at the other episodes and they have some good movies that they talk about. Platoon. The French Connection. Mutiny on the Bounty.

Wow. I’m noticing the views. They sometimes don’t even reach double figures. That’s got to be disheartening.

You look at the blog, for example. I’ve been doing it for like four years or something, if you include the Reddit era. And you might think, “What’s the point? There’s like 100 people who come here, half of whom are the people who you write about.”

Yeah, but I’m just sitting at home in my underpants and writing this shit. Other than the domain name and server space, which are of minimal costs, I’m not spending money on this. Well, the banner was like $200. But that’s worth every penny.

These guys are getting together, buying camera equipment, lighting equipment, they’re spending a lot of time watching the movies, researching, doing 90 minutes reviews of the movies, editing the videos, uploading them. And for what? They’re not making a dime off of this.

Maybe they just like doing it. It just seems like a lot of effort.

0:30 – The one fat guy says that he’s a filmmaker and a teacher. Tell me more. How does he have time to make these videos when he already has two, presumably, demanding jobs?

2:30 – For reasons that escape me, the other fat guy starts talking about defecating on coffee tables as part of some sexual fetish. Why? What the fuck is going on here? I’m already lost.

This is some kind of attempt to woo Horseface? What? God. I’m not saying I’m Casanova but…god, this is fucking awful. Learn how to speak to women, you fat fuck.

4:45 – Horseface is talking about how she was a big Marilyn Monroe fan growing up. Uh huh.

You know, I’m reminded of something. I went to school with a guy. When he was in his mid to late 20s, he was imprisoned for murder. He was with some MILF and the husband found out so there was some beef and this guy ended up killing the husband, while this MILF and the husband’s son watched.

So he was in prison for, whatever, five to ten years. And when he came out he was all tatted up. This was a Mexican guy, by the way. He had face tattoos. Like Insane Clown Posse makeup. But tattoos.

He immediately finds a girlfriend. Looking like that. With no job. And right out of prison.

A few months later, after numerous violent altercations with this girlfriend, the relationship ends.

So he immediately gets into a new relationship. Looking like that. With no job. Right out of prison. And having beat his previous girlfriend so badly that she was running around town, a bloody mess, begging for help. This was all on Facebook.

This new girlfriend was a Marilyn Monroe enthusiast. She tried to look like Marilyn Monroe and act like Marilyn Monroe, falling well short on both counts. But this was her thing.

So I send her a message. “You know that that guy you’re with went to prison for murder, right? And he beat his last girlfriend so badly that she was running around town, a bloody mess, begging for help?” Something along these lines.

And she sends me a long message. “Yo yo yo. I know what he’s about, dawg. He told me everything. Mind your bees, homey. I know what I’m doing. And that bitch deserved it.” This was a white woman talking, by the way.

So I said, “Alright, just trying to help.”

A couple of days later, she sends a message, “Oh, I’m really sorry for the way I spoke to you. That wasn’t me. I just got excited. A thousand pardons.”

A couple of weeks later, she’s in the hospital.

I wonder what that guy is doing now. I lost track of him. I know that he took his Facebook down. This was like…I don’t know…15 years ago. He’s probably an investment banker now.

6:00 – Horseface is so fucking annoying. I can’t even quote from her. I just want to turn this shit off. There’s enough suffering in the world. Why should I put myself through this?

This video is over two hours long. I’m two seconds from stopping this.

You know, when Horseface shuts her fucking mouth, this isn’t so bad to listen to. It’s a real contrast. You actually WANT to hear these fat fucks talking after a screed from Horseface. Anything to get us away from Horseface and her incessant, vapid, brainless, narcissistic bullshit.

10:00 – Horseface is talking about how she sells pictures of her feet and how proud she is of this. This isn’t about you and your stupid bullshit, Horseface. Please stop talking.

Then she tells some bizarre…something…about how she doesn’t care about aliens because aliens aren’t going to pay her rent. What? And everybody looks confused as fuck by this comment. It’s the world’s dumbest woman.

12:30 – Horseface is talking about MySpace and Xanga. Let me tell you what the topic was. The guys were talking about how much American society changed during the 1940s and 1950s. And how the technology changed. Horseface “mmhmm’d” her way through it. Then she starts talking about MySpace and Xanga.

She could not be any more out of her depth. I think that this podcast is trying to be some kind of semi-intellectual thing. They’re talking about history and applying it to movies. You know, what was going on when Easy Rider was being filmed? How is it reflective of American society at the time? Shit like this.

So Horseface starts talking about Xanga. Loudly and vociferously.

13:45 – Finally, they decide to start talking about the movie.

16:15 – I’m done. I can’t listen to her any more. And she’s not shutting up.

Unwatchable. If you want to watch a semi-intelligent disussion constantly get derailed by a horse-faced woman, this is the video for you. Maybe they have decent stuff to say. But I can’t listen to Horseface any more. She’s fucking awful. And Newt is sitting in his apartment jacking off to this while his cat watches. That’s the most baffling thing about this. Newt can’t get over THIS. This fucking AWFUL, TERRIBLE, HORRENDOUS woman who doesn’t have a brain in her fucking giant equine head.

Don’t quit your day job, Horseface. Whatever that is. “Events”.