This was just recently. I live in a little apartment building. Six or eight apartments share the same door. There are loads of these types of places in the UK, at least from what I’ve seen.
So some fucking moron must have buzzed in these Jehovah’s Witnesses.
I hear a knock on my door. I think, “Oh, it must be a neighbour in some distress because who else would have access to the building?”
I get up, open the door, and see these two clean cut homos in suspenders holding some kind of book or clipboard or something. And I just look at them. And they don’t say anything. Then it dawns on me that they’re Jehovah’s Witnesses so I say, “Get the fuck out of here” and close the door.
Then I hear them ringing the doorbell of my elderly neighbour. So I open the door and say, “Which part of, ‘Get the fuck out of here’ did you not understand?” and I indicate that they should leave the building. They look at me like zombies for a few seconds and then the one guy says, “We’re knocking on all of the doors.”
Well, no shit, retard. That’s my objection. People don’t want to talk to you. Get the fuck out.
But I just closed the door and they went away. There was no getting through to them.
People have all kinds of crazy reasons for hating on Jehovah’s Witnesses. They talk about how they don’t believe in blood transfusions or how they shun former members or whatever. Really? These are the things that annoy you?
Let’s be honest. It’s 100% the door knocking. I don’t give a shit what they believe in. They’re free to believe whatever they want. But when they start knocking on my door, all bets are off.
Years ago, I was approached by a black man and his young son on the street. I was just coming home from work. And the father nudged his son to start talking to me. So I stopped and this kid was nervously talking about Jesus of Nazareth. So I said, “No, thank you” and kept walking. And the father gives me attitude. Like I’m supposed to fucking stand there and listen to this.
And I was polite about it because it was a kid talking to me. That’s precisely why the father was using the kid for this bullshit. He knew that if he went around talking about Jesus of Nazareth, without this kid, people would tell him to go fuck himself. At least I would.
Another time, I was living in New England and a fat Hispanic guy and a slim white guy knock on my door. And the Hispanic guy says, “Do you think you’re going to Heaven?”
What? Go fuck yourself. Who would possibly go door to door saying this? Do you just enjoy harassing people? I know about the importance of spreading the good word but everybody already knows about Jesus by now. Come on. It’s the most widely published book ever.
As a kid, we always had to hide when Jehovah’s Witnesses were walking around. I remember the panic. My mother would say, “Jehovah’s Witnesses. Everyone hide.” And I’d hide under the table or behind the sofa or something. And they’d ring that doorbell like 20 times before leaving.
Why didn’t my mother just answer the door and say that she’s not interested? Or tell them to go fuck themselves? They’re human beings. They’re not going to talk to somebody who’s telling them to go away.
No, we just had to hide for like ten minutes while some lunatic keeps ringing our doorbell. It was traumatising.
I have a funny story similar to this. I was semi friends with some religious people in college. Not good friends but when you take general classes you just end up knowing everyone. There were 4 girls and 2 guys who were in this circle. 2 if the girls were with the 2 guys. They weren’t pushy about it but explained themselves if asked and of course conversations like “hey I gotta go to Bible study” happened. No big deal. Just who they were. They weren’t any mainstream church. Just some weird made up one. But again they never preached but it was there.
There was a year when I dropped out, because the college was crap but I stuck around the town because the cost of living was so cheap. It was $250 a month for a 2 bedroom apartment. It was a dump but who cares and it was safe because the campus police and city police were always out. When I dropped out I lost contact with a lot of people but one day there was a knock at the door. It was one of the girls from this group! She didn’t know I lived there and I was surprised and puzzled myself. Oh you live here! Yes. What are you doing here? Her answer was unbelievable.
“I’m going door to door to warn people about the dangers of anal sex and encourage them not to do it.”
What the fuck?! Preaching the Bible I can understand and would expect but this? A diatribe about why butt fucking is bad? And you’re knocking on every door in town about this? She was serious!!
“I’m not a poofter so I don’t think you have to worry about me.”
“Yeah well, you can have male female anal sex too!”
“Yeah I know. I’m not that lucky. It’s not like girls just knock on my door asking for anal. It’s kind of the opposite right now.”
So she went on with her speech talking about the physical and emotional damage of sodomy. Then she left. I saw her around once or twice more but that’s it. She probably married that guy she was with and had a family. Good.
She said stuff like how it diminishes real sex, objectifies the woman and how the purpose of vaginal sex is to have kids, etc etc. but these are all selling points of being the Mike to some girl’s Erin if you ask me.
I won’t go into detail about the physical damages but it reminds me of that Brady Bunch podcast whatever. Because the dad on the show was a closet homo. They call that “on da down low” nowadays. I remember when he died because the show was still in reruns and it was a shock. I thought he died of aids but after some podcast episodes I looked up each cast member, he died of colon cancer but did have aids as well. When I looked up this type of cancer, I didn’t find any explanation of what it was or what caused it. Just that being a man was a higher risk. But it only took 2 seconds to figure out you get this cancer because you’ve been fucked in the ass too much.
I didn’t know that Robert Reed had colon cancer either. Yeah maybe it is related to the butt sex.
I had a 9th grade theology teacher go into disgusting detail about the physical damage that anal sex can cause and why it shouldn’t be done.