Gamer Girls

He’s up to four parts. I haven’t watched the entire 32 hours of footage just yet but I’ll give my impressions of what I have seen.

It’s Mike playing Minecraft with the assistance of Bitch Duo. Bitch Duo is some kind of super “simp” who has assisted Mike in playing games in the past. Any time Mike wants to play an online multiplayer game, Bitch Duo is the one who assists Mike.

I say “assist” as opposed to Mike playing with Bitch Duo because Mike is not playing with Bitch Duo. Bitch Duo does all of the bitch work and Mike plays the game effectively solo.

There was a stream where Bitch Duo assisted Mike in Valheim. I talk about it here:

Valheim – First time playing – Mike Matei

There was another stream where Bitch Duo was helping Mike showcase some Star Trek the original series mod for some Star Trek Deep Space Nine or something game. There was a stream where Bitch Duo assisted Mike in playing Quake or something. There was some “competitive” 1v1 going on but not really. And this is not what these games are about. You need far more people but Mike only plays these games with the assistance of Bitch Duo. Why he doesn’t do a stream where he invites the horntards to join him, I have no idea. Cowardice and narcissism, presumably. He wants to be in complete control of the stream.

That’s what Mike gets with Bitch Duo. Total subservience.

Bitch Duo also designed “emotes” for Mike and Erin and I’m pretty sure that he did it for free. Bitch Duo also “subscribes” (gives money to) Mike and Erin every month. He probably gives them money in addition to that as well.

So this Minecraft stream seems to follow the pattern of the Valheim stream. They’re similar games in that you have to craft shit and build shit and fight monsters.

So while Mike is off fighting monsters and building shit, Bitch Duo is doing the bitch work of collecting resources and crafting shit. And Mike is rude and dismissive of Bitch Duo throughout. He barely acknowledges him and when he does, it’s often to say something insulting.

Mike doesn’t even have the courtesy to call Bitch Duo by his name (Duo) in this entire 32 hour stream. He just keeps referring to him as “Inspector Gadget”. Bitch Duo set his character to try to look like Inspector Gadget.

There’s a point in the game where Mike shows off the Scrooge McDuck gold pit that he’s building with Bitch Duo. We have to assume that it’s almost entirely Bitch Duo who is building all of this stuff. Most of the building seems to take place off-stream.

So a Scrooge McDuck money pit. The idea is that you make a big pit and fill it with gold. Mike did this same exact thing in the Valheim stream. It’s idiotic. I’ll get to the absurdity of Mike being obsessed with Donald Duck but first I just want to look at why it doesn’t work in-game. It takes ages to accumulate enough gold to fill this giant pit that Bitch Duo built. So they have this huge pit and like three gold bars in there.

But even if you did get enough gold, you’re not going to be able to swim in it ala Scrooge McDuck. You’re not going to be playfully spitting out gold coins. The pieces don’t really move, do they? Maybe there’s some physics involved but even if Bitch Duo played the game for the next five years, every day, and finally managed to fill that pit with gold, it would just be like ground. Nothing special would happen. I don’t think that the gold would move much at all. So what’s the point? You can just as well create that huge pit, then build a normal floor near the top of the pit, then put a layer of gold down. It would look and function the same. You don’t have to have Bitch Duo devote his life to the game to fill this up with gold.

Anyway, the whole thing is stupid. Why does he want a fucking Scrooge McDuck money pit in the first place? When he did it with Valheim I thought, “Okay. It’s something different. Let’s see if the gold actually does anything.” Spoiler: it didn’t. And they only collected a few pieces anyway.

But then he does it again for this Minecraft stream. It’s insane. Why the creepy obsession with a children’s cartoon?

There are things that I like from my childhood. Bozo (not the Bob Bell Bozo who Mike claims is from his era, who died in 1984, but Joey D’Auria). I like the Smurfs. I like Small Wonder.

How many times have I incorporated any of that stuff into video games that I’ve played? None. Zero. Who the fuck would? I’m an adult.

I never played Rimworld, for example, and said, “You know what? I’m going to create a base modelled on the Small Wonder home. Let me try to get the dimensions of the living room right and the kitchen and the bedrooms and the bathroom. I’ll need three human colonists, representing Ted, Joan, and Jamie, and a scyther robot to represent Vicky. Ted will be the mechanitor, of course. Maybe I’ll add the Brindle’s house next door. The Bridles will be Pigskin xenotypes. And then I’ll just sit there and jack off to this all day.”

It’s never happened. I’ve never even considered it.

But Mike is there with Bitch Duo re-creating his weird childhood fantasies in video games all day, on stream, for money.

And why the obsession with Donald Duck anyway? Carl Barks was not a popular figure in the 1980s. Donald Duck was not popular in the 1980s. I know that Duck Tales existed and it was fairly popular but it wasn’t huge and Mike didn’t even like Duck Tales. He was apparently reading the Carl Barks comic books from the 1950s.

Let me look this up. Maybe they were great. I don’t know. Maybe he got some reprints as a kid or some kind of collection.

I found a copy of Uncle Scrooge and Donald Duck: Bear Mountain Tales from 1947. First appearance of Scrooge McDuck. By the master himself, Carl Barks. I don’t know if he wrote it or drew it or both.

Okay, so I read the first two pages and then just skimmed the rest. It’s clearly written for children. The story is not deep by any means. It’s extremely simplistic. And the art didn’t impress me.

I know that there were limitations in what can be done with the art given the print quality of the time and the small size of the panels. Maybe this is better than other comics of the era. But reading it now, I didn’t see anything extraordinary.

Did this inspire me to read the collected works of Carl Barks? No. These comics are CLEARLY for young children. You’re not going to get any deep story out of this. I didn’t find it funny either. The only thing that I found remotely interesting was the olde tyme references like eating tripe for Christmas and some language that isn’t really used any more.

But Mike promotes these comics in every other stream. Believe me, if you’re over the age of seven, don’t bother with these comics. I’m sure that they’re fine for young children but there’s very little enjoyment to be had with these comics if you’re old enough to tie your own shoes.

So Mike makes a money pit based on these comics in every online game that he plays. Or at least he makes Bitch Duo make such a pit. It’s idiotic beyond belief.

Let’s check out his Twitter.

Oh, he’s promoting Erin’s new video. Western games. There’s a picture of Cowboys of Moo Mesa. Erin is a big Cowboys of Moo Mesa fan. And the screenshot shows Erin in her pink cowboy hat and tight pink top and 1980s jean jacket that she really enjoys wearing. This is totally what a 35 year old woman wants to do with her life. And Mike is promoting this desperate shit.

Oh, it seems that Mike basically only tweets when he’s promoting Erin’s videos. I see. Well, that’s his role in all of this. Erin provides the buttsex and in turn Mike provides the promotion. The promotion definitely isn’t working. Erin’s videos just get fewer and fewer views. But is the buttsex working? We don’t know. Mike apparently finds this arrangement agreeable.