Her last couple of streams, at least of the ones that she uploaded to Youtube, didn’t have the face camera. How is ShiShi supposed to jerk off to that? So in order to make up for that, she’s back with an extra large face camera. Whoa! I’m getting excited over here. Look at that 1980s white denim jacket that she loves wearing. Hot stuff.
She’s doing a “variety stream”. She says that she hasn’t done one of these in a while. So instead of watching Erin suck at one game, you can watch her suck at many games. How innovative!
0:30 – She edited something out. I’m not going to check what it was. I don’t give a shit.
She got hit by the first enemy.
Then she said that she “doesn’t remember” how to play the game.
It’s just the same shit every time, isn’t it? How have I gotten over three years of articles out of this? She sucks at video games, doesn’t play video games, doesn’t give a shit about video games, and she’s a compulsive liar. I think that I’ve covered all of this already.
She’s getting hit by absolutely everything. This is the worst Astyanax gameplay ever recorded.
She’s also talking about the previous time that she played this game which, of course, was on stream, for money.
2:30 – Somebody asks if she likes The Pixies. Erin says that she does. She then tells a story about how they did a “show” with Weezer and…she didn’t go. But she wanted to go. Wasn’t that a great story, guys?
“I don’t know why I didn’t go.”
Because you have absolutely no interests and you’ve never done anything in your entire life.
“But yes, I do like the Pixies.”
SO FUCKING SAY SOMETHING ABOUT THEM.
This is so fucking easy. If she never went to any concerts, fine. You don’t have to. But fucking say something about the band that you like. What’s your favourite song? What’s your favourite album. ANYTHING. This isn’t hard. But all she can say is, “Yeah, I like them.”
Well, that’s great, Erin. I’m totally convinced. She’s a big Pixies fan, guys. Can’t name a single fucking song that she likes.
Let me look this up. Fucking Pixies.
I never heard of any of these songs. But Erin is all about them, apparently. Can’t tell you anything about them, though.
3:00 – “Kind of like the Cure, my introduction to them was I had a greatest hits compilation.”
Okay, great. So names one of their greatest hits that you enjoyed. Of the Pixies or the Cure. Just one song, Erin. You can do it. Enough of this generic bullshit.
She says that the first album she got from them was Do Little. Let me see if this is a real album. Doolittle. It was indeed. Holy shit. We finally got a normal answer out of this fucking retarded zombie.
6:15 – “This won’t be an energy-packed, action stream.”
She’s saying this in the context of her having drank a Red Bull before the stream to try to wake up. Have I missed the energy-packed, action streams from Erin? Because to my mind, they’re all like this.
6:30 – Then she shows a stuffed Castlevania novelty that Mike bought for her. She doesn’t say that Mike bought it but that’s implied because Erin has no job.
How much are these? $32.99. Doesn’t seem too unreasonably-priced, I guess. I don’t know what a stuffed novelty goes for these days.
7:30 – Then there’s another edit. I think that I should check this one. She might have been saying something stupid.
Well, it wasn’t stupid so much as boring and pointless. She just said “cute” about half a dozen times while looking at the Konami store.
8:00 – Then she starts playing Batman. This Astyanax gameplay was shockingly bad, even by Erin’s standards.
She says that it’s been a while since she’s played it. Yeah. When was the last time you played it on stream? That was the last time you played it.
I haven’t played any NES games in many, many, many years. I used to play this shit on emulators, once in a great while, but it’s been ages. At least ten years. So I understand Erin not playing this shit.
But why can’t she just admit it? Just admit that you only the games on stream, for money? It’s not a big deal. Nobody would care. But she has to constantly try to pull this con that she plays games in her spare time even though it’s insanely obvious that she doesn’t.
She’s talking about Monster Party. The horntards want her to play it. She says that she likes the sprites and it’s cute but she doesn’t like the game. Again, she only played it briefly, on stream, for money.
Erin…we don’t fucking care. About any of this.
9:15 – “It’s been so long that I forgot the controls for this game.”
Uh huh. Erin “always” “forgets” the controls to Batman. That’s what happens when you don’t play the fucking game.
“I used to play this way too much.”
Oh, do tell, Erin. When did you play it? On stream, for money? Great.
Erin considers playing a game for 30 minutes, on stream, for money, to be “way too much.”
I’m at 15:00. This is boring as fuck.
I’m sorry. I have to skip ahead. She’s not even saying anything.
Okay, so I’ve skipped around about 30 times throughout the video. In 27 of those instances, Erin wasn’t saying anything. In one, she said “That’s cute.” In another she said, “I haven’t played this for so long.” And in the third she was talking about some Scott Pilgrim game that she knows nothing about.
This is awful. Thank fuck I stopped when I did. Imagine watching a 90 minute video where NOTHING HAPPENS.
In the comments, somebody called John Hightower asks Erin. “How are you?” That old chestnut. Erin says, “I’m good and you?” Great stuff, guys. Erin really attracts some great conversationalists to her channel with her own witty repartee.
I used to listen to some guy called Jim Hightower on the radio. He would talk about black UN helicopters and shit. Let me look this up.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jim_Hightower
Yeah, it says that he had a radio show since 1993. It’s sparce on the details, though. It says that he’s a progressive political activist. That’s probably accurate but where did the black UN helicopters come into this? That’s a typical right wing conspiracy theory.
Oh, speaking of conspiracy theories, Erin is worried about Twitter going down again. That dastardly Elon Musk guy is wreaking havoc again. He’s not one of the good billionaires like the previous owners of Twitter. He’s a bad billionaire. Why? I don’t know. The billionaire Jews writing these stories just say that he is.
Erin gave up on Mastodon, I guess. Remember when Mastodon was poopular? That was a scary few days. Everybody thought that Twitter was going to go away. What are we going to do? How will I keep up with Erin’s fake interests without Twitter? Is she pretending to like Jem today?
https://mstdn.social/@ErinPlays
On Reddit, some nerd was recently talking about some kind of open-source…or something…alternative to Reddit. This was when people were panicking over Reddit charging for third party apps.
I mean, on the one hand I’m all for a system with less regulation that isn’t owned by some greedy billionaires. But these things rarely take off. Look at Mastodon. Or the blogging platform Steemit. You all know Steemit, right? Or Only1, the decentralised OnlyFans rip off. Never even heard of it.
Let me look this up. Maybe Only1 is the future.
Well, they’re not noteworthy enough for Wikipedia.
From what I can tell, Slim Giselle is like the top person on the platform. She has 19 followers. The more followers you get, the more cryptocurrency you get. Or something. So what does 19 followers get you?
Anyway, I’ll have to consider getting an Only1 account.
What was that bootleg OnlyFans that Horseface and Mint Salad were on? Oh, Fansly.
https://fansly.com/titsmintsalad/posts
She’s not giving free previews any more. Well, thank god for small favours. Those were fucking nauseating.
Her subscriptions go up to $100/month. Who would possibly pay that?
https://fansly.com/CrystalQuin/posts
There’s Horseface. Her top tier is $15/month. I can not imagine anyone paying $100 for Mint Salad’s shitty Fansly. Or anybody’s, frankly. But Mint Salad? No. With respect, that woman needs to start spending a lot more time in the gym if she’s planning on making a living in the exciting world of pornography.
Her fat hillbilly pimp should at least be telling Mint Salad to do this. Fucking TuanX does it for Destiny Fomo. He knows what’s up. You have to be in shape if you want to make money from porn. Mint Salad just finishes off a bucket of fried chicken and says that she’s ready for her pictures. No. It doesn’t work that way.
But back to Crystal Quin over here. Mercifully, her preview pictures are all censored now. And she has half as many subscribers as Mint Salad.
I wonder if Newt is a subscriber of Horseface’s Fansly. He’s got to be, right? He’s a gold member. Oh, you get dick ratings if you’re a gold member. Yeah, he definitely wants that. What score do you suppose Joe from Gamesack gave to Newt’s dick?
There’s also vagina ratings. Yeah, nice try, Horseface. No woman is going to send you a picture of their vagina for you to rate. That’s not happening. Even if women did that, which they don’t, they’d find somebody else.
Dick ratings. How preposterous. And she says that she only gives a 1-10 rating. Is that it? For fifteen bucks, you send a picture of your dick and she just replies with a number? That sucks. That’s not worth fifteen cents. I need to know the reasons why she’s giving the score that she gives.
And what if you get a low score, what then? You’ve got to unsubscribe, right? Unless that’s your thing. Some people are into people mocking their genitals.
Why only genitals anyway? Let’s branch out. I know. I’ll do a full body review of Horseface. I won’t even charge fifteen bucks for this. Let me find a picture for reference.
This is the first full-body picture I could find. It’s not ideal but we’ll go with it. She’s wearing her usual half of a top at least.
We’ll start at the bottom and work our way up.
Feet – Tough to say. I’m not a feet guy. But feet guy are interested in arches, right? She doesn’t have arches. It looks like she’s suffering from flat foot. She’d never be able to join the military. I’ll give her feet a 3, I guess.
Legs – Again, I’m not great at legs either. But from the picture it seems like she has reasonably slim legs. Or shapely legs? I don’t even know the criteria for good legs. I’ll just say 6.
Hips/Ass – You obviously can’t see her ass in this picture but from memory, it was large and not in a good way. She’s obviously positioning herself in such a way to make her hips look bigger in this picture. Fuck…I don’t know…I’ll go 4 for hips/ass.
Vagina – Score pending. I’ll have to wait until Horseface sends me a picture before I can do a “V rating”
Stomach – I’ll give Horseface credit for having a nice stomach. I don’t know if she does sit ups or what but it looks slim, especially in this picture. I’ll go 7.
Tits – It feels like I need more reference before I can make a judgement here. Let me check her Instagram. Yeah, this was helpful. She has a bunch of bikini pictures. They’re not big, obviously, but I’m scoring this based on a sort of slim woman in her 30s. I’ll say 6.
Arms – Surprisingly chunky. Not just her speedbag upper arms but her lower arms are also bigger than you’d expect. I’m saying 2.
Face – Come on. She’s not called Horseface for nothing. She’s a 1.
I wonder how much I can charge for this. Horseface obviously thinks that there’s a market out there for women to have their vaginas rated. I’m willing to do the whole package. And not just scores. I give reasons for my scores. How much would this be worth? Fifty bucks?
Well, if there are any women out there reading this and they want to have their body rated, we can work out a price. Send all pictures to gamergrrls at protonmail dot com
Erin must be one of the most vanilla, generic, uninteresting, dime-a-dozen “content creators” out there. I can’t even get angry about her because her content is so dull. It’s not bad enough to warrant any strong reaction, just forgettably neutral. At least the badness from Doug Walker’s and Chris Bores’ videos leave a lasting impression on you. I’ll forget a typical Erin video five minutes after I’ve watched it.
Someone should buy a dick rating then upload a picture of Newt’s dick. That would be worth the cost of a movie ticket.
Have to send that drawing that he had made, I guess.