Gamer Girls

It’s Tony from Hack the Movies with two random guys. I looked them up. It’s just…I don’t know. Friends of Tony, I guess.

They both have Youtube channels but nobody is watching the videos. One of the guy’s latest video is of his trip to an aquarium in Atlanta. Just some vacation video.

Well, who doesn’t enjoy aquariums? I went to one…where was this…I think it was in Amsterdam. And they had a conveyor belt around like the shark tank. Is conveyor belt the right word? It was a moving…platform. Like at the airport. You stand on it and…it moves you around.

This was genius. It went slow enough that you could take in all of the sights and it eliminated the worst thing about aquariums: assholes who hog the window. You’re standing there, waiting patiently to see the seahorses or whatever, then the people who were looking at the seahorses leave, then some kids immediately jump in front of you and start looking at the fucking seahorses. And their immigrant parents don’t give a fuck that their feral children are running around. It’s awful. So you just have to fucking move on and look at the zebrafish or something instead.

There’s a similar setup to see the crown jewels at Buckingham Palace or where ever the crown jewels are. You just go on the conveyor belt and it takes you around the crown and whatever else comprises the crown jewels. It’s great because otherwise, you’d get some fat fuck Americans standing in front of them for ages. Blocking your view.

Anyway, Scooby Doo. Do I really want to watch this? No. No, I don’t. But let’s give it a chance. You have ten minutes, Tony.

0:45 – Tony is making a joke about how these guys were on a previous episode, also about Scooby Doo, and the views were 10% lower.

Who gives a shit? The numbers are negligible. This is exactly why his views aren’t as high as they could be. He’s constantly trying to work the algorithm. “How can we get slightly more views? Oh, I know. Let’s review horror movies for every episode with a horsefaced woman.”

No. You get more views by putting out consistently engaging content.

I’m three minutes in. It’s fine. I guess. But I’m taking a nap. Tony has this effect on me. I’ll get back to this later.

How long was I out? I think about an hour. Maybe 90 minutes. Anyway, I’m going to go eat something now.

I put a pizza in the oven. I’m kind of doing that OMAD diet. You guys all know about the OMAD diet, right? One meal a day? It’s slightly quicker to say “OMAD” and there’s the added bonus that you sound like homosexual asshole.

I’ve been doing it since about November. I’ve lost about ten pounds. That was already my target so I’m kind of trying to find the right balance to maintain the weight. Adding Pringles to the diet. Have to determine the right number of Pringles.

Maybe Tony should try the OMAD diet. He’s a big fat guy. And personally, I don’t get hungry during the day. Not ravenously, at least. If I do get a bit hungry, I just eat some gummi bears or something. Not a lot. Just a few.

I’m still waiting for the pizza to cook. What’s the weather like in Chalfont these days? Let me check.

It’s 52 degrees. That’s 11 Celcius. That’s not too bad. What’s the weather for me today? It recently got pretty cold.

Yeah. 36 degrees or 2 degrees Celcius. Way colder than in Chalfont. That’s surprising. It’s usually pretty mild year-round in the UK.

Still not ready. I’ll give it another three minutes or so.

Has the grocery store pizza situation improved at all in the US? Twenty years ago, it was only frozen pizza. And to their credit, the frozen pizza in the US is much better than the frozen pizza in the UK. Tombstone, Jack’s pizza, these were way better than the UK equivalents of Chicago Town or Dr Oeteker. Dr Oeteker is a fucking German brand. When you think of pizza, of course you think of Germany. I had it once. It was so fucking bad that I had to throw it away. This is memorable to me because it’s the only time that I’ve had to throw pizza away for being inedible.

But I don’t buy frozen pizza in the UK. I get fresh pizza. They sell them in the grocery store in the refrigerated section. Totally normal. They have brand name stuff and some stores that have an in-store kitchen even sell the pizzas that they make there. Way better than any frozen pizza that I’ve had.

I’ve never seen this product in the US, though. Only frozen pizzas. I wonder why. It’s clearly a superior product. And Americans like pizza. They can’t stop eating the stuff. Maybe there’s some logistical problem. Or maybe General Mills or whoever owns Tombstone has a lock on the market and won’t allow it.

That was delicious. So back to the video? I guess. Briefly.

7:45 – They start summarising the movie.

11:15 – Tony badly mispronounced “canon” twice. So it wasn’t an accident. What the fuck is this? I don’t even want…that’s your ten minutes up, Tony. Let’s look at the comments.

Nothing interesting. Oh, great. There’s a theme here. Twitter?

It’s all just promoting his boring videos.

Great job as always, Tony.