Gamer Girls

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q7dlEhVDOcY

Here’s one that I unfortunately missed.  It’s a clip from the Christmas Vacation episode of Talking About Tapes aka Hack the Movies.  It’s on Tony’s Hack the Movies Clips channel.  This is something that actually exists.  I found out about this channel just now while searching for “Crystal Quin” on Youtube.  I actually meant to search for “Zap Cristal” but I have a feeling that this will be a good one.

0:00 – “I always adopt a family.  It’s one of my biggest things.  I always have to do it every single year.”

What in the fuck are you talking about?  Crystal Quin “adopts a family”?  What does that mean?  

Why not just say what it actually is instead of using the stupid company buzzwords?  You give a gift to a charity.  That’s all this is.  You’re not adopting a family.  

I mean…does donating those diapers one time mean that Crystal is now that family’s mother?  It’s ridiculous.  That family doesn’t give a fuck about you, nor should they, you self-aggrandising bitch.

“A couple of years ago, it was the saddest realisation that I ever had in my life.  We’re going to get a little sad here.  There’s a YMCA in the town that I work in and I didn’t realise YMCAs also had shelters.  I had no idea.  I went in there because that’s where I adopted a family.”

Fucking moron.  It’s like these charities that send those “adopt a goat” things around Christmas.  For £30 you can “adopt a goat” for a starving African family.  It’s just a marketing term.  The £30 is (allegedly) enough to pay for a goat but you’re not literally buying a goat.  Anyone with a brain knows this.  

0:15 – “I always adopt like the very tiny babies because kids, sometimes when you look at their list you’re like, ‘Bitch, you’re fucking 10.  You want an iPhone?  I didn’t have that shit.'”

Yeah, you’re just a dumb charity case, bitch.  Tell your unwed mother to get a job and maybe a husband.  I’ll get you a Nokia 8210 and you’ll like it.  

This is the world’s worst adoptive mother.  She’s complaining because an impoverished 10 year old has the audacity to want the same sort of gifts for Christmas that her more fortunate friends are getting.  

If you don’t want to donate to charity, don’t donate to charity.  But to go on Youtube and criticise children from poor families has to be one of the most deplorable things that anyone can possibly do.  And this video is entitled “Crystal Quin is a Wonderful Human Being.”  In what universe?  

This is just more of her self-obsessed behaviour.  She’s “adopting a family”, which first of all, her use of language is telling.  She’s making this sound much more important than it is.  All she’s doing is giving to charity.  It’s not “adopting a family”.

Secondly, the only reason she’s donating is to feel better about herself.  That’s the only reason why anybody gives to charity.  It’s a way to feel better about yourself.  “Oh, I did my part for the year.  I gave some homeless bum a dollar that he can spend on crack.  I feel all warm and fuzzy inside now.”

And in case there’s any doubt about her motives, she’s here on fucking Youtube talking about it.  If you were donating money or whatever in a selfless manner because you wanted to do whatever small part to fix the multitude of problems in society, you wouldn’t talk about it.  Because it’s not about you and how great you are.  

0:30 – “I just go for like the tiny kids where, like, ‘We need clothes and diapers’.  If they’re asking for clothes and diapers, they actually do need that.”

Yeah.  Babies need clothes and diapers.  

What is Horseface suggesting?  That these kids asking for phones aren’t actually impoverished?  This is all just a scam?  Wealthy families are going to the YMCA, registering as impoverished, and coercing their children to make up Christmas wish lists full of expensive electronics?  Is this something that’s happening?  Is there a single case of this ever happening?  

My understanding is that the only people who make use of charities are people who are genuinely impoverished.  I mean, I’ve never made use of any charities.  I wouldn’t even know where to look.  It’s not something that I’m interested in.  I don’t need anything.  

But Horseface seems to be suggesting that this is all a scam.  If you’re 10 years old, you don’t REALLY need an iPhone.  You don’t need anything.  You have clothes, you have diapers, so you’re good.  Horseface is only interested in dealing with people who don’t have clothes or diapers.

“I always have a budget put aside for this.”

You’re a real hero, Horseface McGee.  I’d like to hear exactly how much money she’s giving when she’s “adopting a family.”  Give us the figure, Horseface McGee.  If it’s a hundred bucks I’d be surprised.

Whoa!  Make way for Daddy Warbucks over here and her yearly charity outpouring.  Two packages of Pampers and a onesie that a baby will wear for a week before outgrowing.

“I’ll go and I’ll get as much as I can.”

What’s the figure, Horseface?  There’s no way that it’s more than a hundred dollars.  Who gives a fuck?  This isn’t changing anybody’s life.  

It would actually be more impactful to take that hundred bucks and buy a phone for somebody.  I’m sure that not everybody is asking for an iPhone.  But the phone would last, whatever, six months, a year, two years, more than that.  And it would be something that somebody actually needs.  Maybe they don’t have a phone.  Maybe their existing phone is so outdated that it’s embarrassing.  This would be a gift that might actually be appreciated.  

0:45 – “I had to actually go deliver it to the people.”

Oh, you know this isn’t going to be good.  Horseface McGee’s encounter with the unwashed masses.  As if Horseface isn’t a member of the great unwashed.  She works at fucking Screenwave.  She’s making $20,000/year.  She could rightly register for these charities.  

But somehow, she thinks that she’s above these people.  And that’s another reason why people don’t register for charities.  It’s embarrassing.  People think that they’re better than you.  They pity you.  And these people aren’t any better than you.  Horseface McGee isn’t better than anyone on earth.  Take anybody, place them next to Horseface, and Horseface is the more contemptable person.  

“HOLY FUCK IS THAT AN EYE OPENER!  You go into this shelter, they barely open the door, and there’s little babies running around in just diapers and no shoes and stuff like that.”

Yeah.  Babies tend not to wear shoes indoors.  Actually, people of any age don’t do that.  

And it would seem that the people on this charity list all live in this shelter.  So the girl who wanted the phone, for example, lives in the shelter.  Does Horseface still think that this is a scam?  Wealthy families are bringing their children to live in sheltered accommodation just to get a phone?

1:00 – “I sat in my car for probably an hour just crying, feeling guilty about my life, taking things for advantage.”

What?  She didn’t know that people are homeless?  And she cried for an hour in her car?  I’m not getting the chronology here.  First she was in the shelter, seeing the babies with no shoes, and the next thing she’s in the car crying for an hour.  How…did she run out?  Were her adoptive family just left sitting there scratching their heads?  “We were told that a horseface woman would be bringing us diapers.  What’s going on?  Our shoeless baby has been sitting in faeces for the past three days.”

Then Tony says, “Granted.  Taking things for granted.  You said, ‘Taking things for advantage'”.

Don’t correct her, Tony.  She’s right.  She takes things for advantage.  And people.  This entire story is just a way to “put her over” as wrestling fans like Tony and Horseface McGee will say.  It’s woefully misguided, but in Crystal’s equine head, she thinks that she’s coming off as some kind of hero in this story.

1:15 – “So it was just like one of those things where you’re like, ‘Holy shit.'”

By the way, I should mention that Johanna is sitting next to Horseface and looks pretty uncomfortable throughout.

“So then you think about it as an adult and you’re like, ‘Where is Santa giving for these kids'”?

Does anybody want to break the news to Horseface?  

These families are living in a shelter with a bunch of other people in a giant room, it seems like.  I assume that this is temporary accommodation until something more suitable is arranged.  

In any event, I don’t think that Christmas gifts are really a priority for them.  They’d probably like to find some kind of appropriate accommodation.  Maybe a job.  Stuff like this.  Then they can purchase what they need.

Then Tony…wait…I have to try to transcribe all of this.  Maybe I’ll be able to pinpoint where this discussion gets totally derailed.

1:30 – 

Tony: I think that that was like one of the earliest day (???) like I thought about them.  I was like, ‘Wait, there’s people who — like — why doesn’t Santa help them out’?

Johanna: Because, like, you think about when you go to school.  There’s obviously people who didn’t have as much money.

Tony: You know what also really gave it away?  I was like, “Why would Santa put barcodes and like copyright and like trademark on it.  Like, I don’t understand.  I don’t think that the elves are making those.”

Indeed, Tony.  You’re not understanding this story whatsoever.  

This isn’t about Santa’s workshop inexplicably making the same products that the Hasbro corporation is making in factories in China with no worker protection laws.  Because yeah, Santa would get into a lot of trouble with that, wouldn’t he?  Bootleg GI Joes?  Trademark infringement.  Or is Santa just buying these toys from Walmart?  Why doesn’t Santa just drop cash and I’ll buy this shit from Walmart myself?

Hey…Tony…focus.  We’re talking about what a hero Crystal Quin is for setting foot in a homeless shelter.  This is her “adoptive family” that she’s talking about.  Can you try to be more respectful?  We can poke holes in the Santa Claus mythology later.

1:45 – Tony says, “Anyway, that was a very nice story that you told.”

What?  She didn’t even finish.  She was in the shelter, shoeless babies, and then she was crying in her car for an hour.  What the fuck happened?  This isn’t a story.  I need closure.  There’s still another minute to this clip.  Maybe Crystal has more to say.

No.  Tony just says to subscribe to the channel and then there are some baffling hijinks.  

This was awful.  The story went fucking nowhere and it was just Crystal talking about how amazing she is because she spent less than a hundred bucks on diapers for some homeless babies on Christmas.  And she said this after calling a hypothetical 10 year old homeless girl a “bitch” for daring to want a phone for Christmas.  

She’s completely detestable.  

Let’s check out the comments.

Oh, Lady Decade said, “That’s beautiful xxx.”

Which part?  Which part of this was anything but reprehensible?  

Actually, nobody else says anything too cringe-worthy.  I assume that the vaguely supportive comments are all sarcastic.  Maybe that’s just like a defence mechanism for my mind.

Anyway, here’s Horseface McGee: Patron Saint of Shoeless Babies Indoors on Christmas.