Gamer Girls

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bL8mN6IEsOI

1:00 – Eugh.  They’re doing an ad for shoes and Horseface McGee inserted tissue into the shoe, put it on her foot, and put her foot into a bucket of water.  This was allegedly to demonstrate that the shoes are waterproof but of course it was just for the foot fetishists.  

And what fucking shoe isn’t waterproof?  I’ve never had a shoe, no matter how cheap, that got my socks wet.  The only time that would happen is when the soles are badly worn and they get a small hole in them.  But complete shoes, with no defects?  Never.  Not once.

Also, I’m no fashion expert but these are quite possibly the ugliest shoes I’ve ever seen in my life.

The promo code is for $25 off.  How much can these shit shoes possibly cost?  I was thinking that $25 would be about the price.  Let me look this up.

They’re $135.  No fucking way.  And they claim to be “the world’s first waterproof shoe.”  Is this a problem for anyone?  It’s never fucking happened.  I’ve walked in the rain, I’ve stepped in puddles, NEVER had a problem, except, as explained above, when the soles are badly worn.

But no fucking way $135.  Fuck you.  For these ugly pieces of shit?  

I got some Vans for £60 or something.  That’s like $80.  You want to know how many times my feet got wet while wearing them?  ZERO!  Same as every other pair of shoes I’ve ever owned.  And they don’t look like shit.

I wear a suit for my job.  I used to get “cheap” shoes for like £80 ($100) and they’d last between three months and a year.  

So about five years ago, I decided that this is ridiculous, these shoes are all trash, I’m going to get something halfway decent.  So I spent £300 ($400) on some shoes.  

They still work.  I’m still wearing them.  I had to get them re-soled once but other than that, they’re fine.  And the re-soling was like £10.  

So those shoes cost three times as much as my previous shoes but they’ve lasted way longer than three times as long.  So this was a savings.  Those shit shoes are a false economy.

Nevertheless, these shoes that Tony is shilling are just over-priced trash.  So you need to be sensible with your purchases.  Don’t assume that high price equals quality.

2:30 – Trisha’s brother is on this episode.  Who’s Trisha?  Well, I know who it is but if you don’t know, it’s not important.

Also, Horseface is wearing a jacket for some reason.  And it’s zipped all the way up.  Is it cold?

5:00 – Tony is making some reference to his fondness for cannabis or something.  I’m already tuning out.  I’m supposed to watch two hours of this?  There’s a 0% probability that I’m going to watch this entire video and I don’t even care that I’m using the term “probability” incorrectly.

I’m ten minutes in.  I have to put this on as background noise now while I play a game.  It’s just so fucking boring.  Two hours?  Fuck you.  I’ll just keep an ear out for any time when Horsefaee says that she wants to have sex with some actress in the film.

11:00 – Oh.  Frank is a gay man and he’s talking about his “craft”.  You know…acting.  He’s an actor.  You guys all know Frank, right?  Trisha’s brother.  He’s the Marlon Brando of rural Pennsylvania.

Sixteen minutes in.  Is it nap time already?  I think it might be.  I’ll try to stay awake as long as possible.  I’ll look at other shit in a different window.  Reddit and whatnot.

18:00 – Horseface is talking about the director of this movie.  I think.  I’m not really paying attention.  

Horseface: Warner Bros said that he can do whatever he wants.  They gave him full freedom about this.  The only thing that he was not allowed to do —

Tony: — Was go down on Catwoman?

Horseface: (clapping and extremely exaggerated expression) I FUCKING WISH!  GOD, I WISH!

This is what we’re here for.  Horseface is talking about actresses who she wants to have sex with.  This is the extent of her contribution in every fucking episode.  This is all that she can say.  She’s a complete fucking moron.

And Newt’s in his kitchen, crying and masturbating over this.

Oh, by the way, Horseface continued for a good 30 seconds longer about how much she wants to have sex with this woman but I cut it out because these idiots were just screaming over each other.

19:00 – Horseface says, “I love cigars”, and Cary Grant over here gets sexually excited over this.  How can you not?  It’s Horseface McGee.  Everybody wants to have sex with her.  And a big phallic-like cigar in her mouth.  That’s hot, right?  

I find it completely nauseating but…I don’t know.  Different strokes for different folks, I guess.  

Twenty-five minutes in.  This is awful.  Let me look at the comments.

– “This guy is soo thirsty 4 crystal”.  

I’ve only seen the one example so far . Maybe he gets worse later.

– “Frank is like a more handsome Tony”

This guy is horny for James Dean over here.

27:30 – Lee Marvin shows a magazine of Haley Barry as Catwoman on the cover.  Crystal says, “I mean, she looks massively sexy.  I don’t mind looking at her.”

Oh.  This bullshit again.  Now I have to find where I was in the comments again.

– “Whoa between Trisha and Frank, that is one good looking family! Hope to see more of both in future episodes.”

I’ve seen a few comments like this.  These are guys.  They’re getting horny over Gregory Peck over here.

– “I thought it was too long, monotonous, overbearing in tone to the point of becoming self parody, and just dull as dull could be.”

I genuinely thought that this guy was talking about the review.  But no…he’s talking about the movie.

Okay, I’ve got through the comments.  Now how am I going to try to stay awake?  How far am I into this shit?  Thirty-three minutes.  I’ve already eaten.  It’s not even noon.  No work today.   

35:00 – Horseface is talking about how difficult it was to put her skintight trousers on today and Paul Newman over here gets sexually excited over this.

By the way, I checked out his IMDB.  The link is in the description.  It’s nothing.  “Security Guard #3” and shit like this.

I’m at forty-two minutes.  I’ll just rest my eyes for a few minutes…they’re talking about Batman, by the way.  I think.  You guys like Batman?

1:40:00 – Oh god.  I woke up.  What’s his name, Tony is yelling “Here’s my final thoughts.”  

How do I always wake up right at the end of the video?  I’ve fallen asleep to at least ten Talking About Tapes videos and I always wake up right at the end.  Never in the middle, never when the video is over, always right as Tony is wrapping up.

I must be hearing this at a subconscious level.  Fortunately, I don’t remember ANYTHING from the time I fell asleep (about the 45 minute mark) to now.  This is how I recommend watching Talking About Tapes.  You wake up refreshed, ready to spring into action, and you never have to watch this bullshit again.  

So we had a Batman review from Newt, James Rolfe, and Tony from Summarise the Movies.  Who was the best?  Clearly Newt’s.  I don’t remember anything about it but James’ review was boring as fuck and Tony’s review literally put me to sleep.  Newt wins by default.