BUBBLE BOBBLE on NES with Mike! Bad Ending AND Happy Ending! – Erin Plays

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UCfKIlyIkuo

Mike was promoting this shit on one of his streams.  I just don’t get it.  He must know that she’s terrible at video games and has absolutely no interest in them.  He’s not fucking blind.  But he continues the charade.  He buys her games, he does these collaborative videos.

I mean, let’s say in some fantasy world that Erin Plays was my girlfriend.  Dare to dream.  At some point early in the relationship, I would take her aside and say, “Erin, you’re a nice woman, I care about you, but this Youtube channel…is this really what you want to do?  I can help you find another job.  There are all kinds of things that you can do with your life.”

That would be kind.  That’s what a loving person would do.  But Mike, for his own bizarre, selfish reasons, continues to feed the delusion that Erin is a “gamer”.  Maybe she actually believes it, I don’t know.  I would find it astonishing if she actually believes it but it would help explain some things. 

So they’re playing Bubble Bobble together.  Erin, it’s safe to assume, has never played the game before.  What contribution do you suppose she’s going to add to this?  I’m going to say that it’s 95% Mike and 5% Erin.  Indeed, that might be too much.  If there’s any way that Erin can be a liability in this game, she’s going to be a liability.  So this is going to be Mike completely carrying somebody with absolutely no skill, interest, or knowledge of video games.

1:30 – “Look at the pickle”.

Oh.  We’re doing this already.  It’s just so fucking stupid.  There are fruits and various foods featured throughout the game.  Is she going to mention every one? 

Who finds this funny?  And I’m telling you that she’s saying these things as a joke.  She thinks that these comments are funny.  Just pointing out what we can all see, that’s comedy to Erin. 

Then Mike gets annoyed at this fucking idiotic comment.  In that respect, he represents the viewer.  Then he turns it into some stupid sexual “joke”. 

But yeah, fuck these stupid fucking comments.  Mike clearly knows that they’re stupid.  Why doesn’t he tell her to stop it?  Not on stream, of course, but off stream.  “Hey, Erin, these comments where you just point out something that you see in the video game?  THEY’RE NOT FUNNY!  KNOCK IT OFF!  IT’S COSTING YOU VIEWERS!”  No, just let her continue with these idiotic comments.

2:00 – Erin dies.  “I like their little tails moving.”

You know?  Do your job, Mike.  Direct her.  Help her to make better videos.  “Hey, Erin, ‘X looks like Y’ isn’t funny.  Let’s try something else.”  Do some dry runs of a stream.  Feed her some lines.  Give her some tips on how to deliver interesting commentary.  This is fucking shit.  He knows full well that nobody wants to hear Erin talk about things in the game which she finds “cute”. 

Is he giving her all of this advice and she’s just rejecting it?  Show her her stagnant view numbers.  Show her how much money she’s making from this shit.  Remind her that $300/month is peanuts. 

Then Mike says, “It’s a cute game, Erin.  It’s a cute game.”

So it’s obvious that he understands all of this.  He knows that these comments are stupid and nobody wants to hear them.  What is he doing about it? 

4:00 – Erin is unfamiliar with the Eggplant Wizard.  I only know about it from Captain N.  The cartoon was before her time but…I don’t know.  It’s hardly necessary viewing to be a “gamer” but it still seems wrong to me that she never even heard of the character. 

Erin: There’s an Eggplant Wizard?  I think I knew that.  It sounds familiar.

Mike: (sceptical) Mm hmm.

Erin: I want to see the Eggplant Wizard.

Why?  Just because it sounds “cute”, presumably.

Then Mike is extremely patronising.

“There’s an eggplant in a game that YOU reviewed.  Can you think what it is?”

She doesn’t even fucking know.  He gave her a crazy softball question about a game that she did a review of.  After a few hints, the best she can say is, “There’s a little pink one and a little blue one.”  It is fucking insane.  She doesn’t know about Ice Climbers.  Even though she did a video on this game. 

Then Mike gives her the answer.  What a “gamer”.

7:45 – “Look at the crown”.

WE CAN ALL SEE IT, YOU DULLARD.

8:00 – Erin blows her nose.  Because she’s “sick”, as usual.  Look at her inhale that tissue.  Holy shit.  Here’s an idea, Erin: turn your fucking chair around if you need to do that.  Not that she does need to do it.

“I know that this is unattractive.  But it’s real.  It’s live.  I have allergies.”

Uh huh.  What in that room is she allergic to? 

8:45 – She hits a bubble that has water in it and she travels across the screen on it.  “Ooh, what was that?”

So yeah.  If you needed confirmation that she never played this game before, there you have it.

9:30 – “Look how cute this one is.”

It’s just trash.

10:00 – Mike is trying to kill the last enemy and having a tough time with it.  Then Erin says, “I’m practising my bouncing.”  She’s completely useless.

Then Mike dies and it’s just Erin.  She doesn’t have a clue.  Neither does Mike, in fairness.  All you have to do is pop those fucking water bubbles at the top of the screen.

Oh, that was brutal.  She couldn’t do it so the game is over.  Fortunately, this game has unlimited continues.  I guess.

Then Erin just repeatedly jumps on the bubble that’s containing the last enemy, rather than pop it.

I’m done.  I can’t take any more of this horrible gameplay.  Two and a half hours of this bullshit.

You can skip to the end to watch Erin continue to be completely useless and have to be carried through this to get the “good” ending. 

On to the comments.

– “Mike and Erin. Twice as awesome. And this was streamed on my birthday too. My 40th.”

How depressing.  This is how this man spent his 40th birthday.  Jerking off to Erin playing Bubble Bobble for the first and last time with the love of her life: Mike Matei.