It’s just on Twitch so it will be gone soon.  Catch it while you can.

Some people enjoy making homoerotic comments about the Screenwave crew who make the AVGN videos now.  Not me.  I don’t care what they look like.

Yes, the AVGN videos that they make are bad.  And a lot of the Rental Reviews are unwatchable.  But I don’t get worked up over this.  They were hired to do a job by a lazy man with autism (or his handlers) and they’re doing that job.  They’re doing the best that they can.

And how bad can it be if I’m watching that shit?  Or at least attempting to watch it.  Some of it is okay.

So we have Kieran, of Screenwave fame, who decided to have a Screenwave eight man battle using some UFC game.  I’m all for it.  It’s similar to a post I made here:

He’s just simming the fights.  So AI versus AI.  I love this stuff.  I do it all the time in Fire Pro Wrestling World.

But here’s why the video sucks.

First of all, he’s doing some kind of commentary over the video.  That’s fine.  It makes sense.  But his co-commentator for this thing is doing it over Skype, in his car, while wearing a Pokemon onesie.  It’s like listening to a fucking Burger King drive through speaker.  I couldn’t understand half of what he was saying and it was just unpleasant to try to listen to this.

Second problem: he gave everybody the same stats.  What the fuck?  And he mentioned this as a positive.

He was trying to make everything equal which…makes sense in a certain way…I guess…but it’s stupid.

Everybody has made a version of themselves in a wrestling game or something.  You have to think about what your stats should actually be.  “Strength?  Well, I don’t want to exaggerate…I’ll just go with 9”.

I think that he’s playing UFC 3.  What sort of stats does this game have?  Can this be right?  I can’t even find any stats.  All I see for “create a fighter” is the various ways you can customise how the character looks.  This sucks ass.

So fuck this game.  Do a Screenwave fight in Fire Pro Wrestling World.  There are way more match options and whatever anyway.  Much deeper character creation too.

But by giving the characters different stats, it’s more realistic.  Who would actually win in a fight: Justin or Kieran?  You give Justin 1’s for anything involving speed or agility but slightly higher numbers for strength-based stats.  And for Kieran, you maybe give him an 8 for “rough”, 3 for “agility” whatever.  You try to figure out what the actual stats should be for these people.

Yes, that probably means that things won’t be equal but that’s good.  It creates underdogs.  It also gives you semi-accurate results for these fights.  If everyone is equal, who cares?  Just flip a coin to determine who wins.

Also, move lists.  I don’t know if Kieran used the same moves for everyone or what.  But again, the moves should be similar to what people would actually use.  And with Fire Pro, there’s some good ones.  There’s a lot of like flopping on top of the guy or sitting on the guy moves that would be good for Justin.  Headbutts and weapon attacks for Kieran.  This sort of thing.  Makes it more entertaining, makes it more true to life.

So I was fully on board with the idea but I couldn’t watch it.  Great idea, bad execution.  Remarkably bad.  It’s surprising that a guy who’s been making videos for at least ten years and playing fighting games probably since he was a child could make something this bad.  There was at least one match where he had the same character fight himself.  I know that it was to automatically make that character advance in the tournament but…it’s just bad.  Set up an eight man tournament so you don’t have to do this stuff.

Let’s check out his Twitter.

I’m a stud. I’m Ballsy. I don’t take no shit from anyone. I smoke my stogie anywhere I want. I don’t have to find a hideout place…LIKE YOU HOO HOO HOO!!!!!!

That’s something that a 13 year old would put on their profile. Come on.  That’s just embarrassing.

Then he has an embarrassing tweet about 4/20 Day.  Is marijuana legal in Pennsylvania?  No.  I was just curious.  I’m not going to report him.

And then, I don’t know, a bunch of boring tweets about video games and whatnot.

2 thoughts on “

  1. I used to be a big fan of cinemassacre. When they did board James and shit. The guy with the guitar would dress like a ninja. Now I only click on content from them if its avgn and even those only come out once or twice a year now? The reviews are boring. They have little chemistry. Even stuff is seen and know well and enjoy they somehow make seem boring. Maybe like music we are just going to receive a slurry of grey mediocrity.

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