Gamer Girls

https://www.imdb.com/name/nm4155508

She proudly advertises this on her Twitter via some link-listing page.

So let’s check out her credits.

Seriously? This is all Newt Wallen shit. The fact that she advertises this “career” of hers is only going to encourage him. Is that what she wants? This crazy guy who can’t get over losing his “muse” like…five years after everything went down with the plagiarism? When was that anyway? Was it as long as five years?

Fucking Reddit doesn’t give you the date anyone posted anything. That’s insane. Oh. You have to hover your mouse over the “posted 4 years ago” or whatever thing. Ridiculous. So it was October 2021. We’re coming up on four years.

2012 seemed to be her debut. Four Fists of Judgement. A short film. Presumably a student project. Actually, Newt isn’t credited anywhere on this one.

Oh, it’s actually available on Youtube. I didn’t think I’d be able to find it at all.

294 views after TEN YEARS. This is a real hidden gem.

She’s credited as “Crystal Cowling” for some reason.

As much as I don’t want to watch this, I almost feel obligated. 294 views after a decade on Youtube.

It starts with some black and white or sephia or something montage about…something. There’s a gun involved. Horseface gives a really phony-looking slap to some guy. Then it’s just two bald guys fighting for some reason.

I can think of a lot of things I’d rather be doing than this.

3:15 – So after the fight scene, one of the bald guys is now in a…room of some description.

Oh, Horseface is in the bed. Things are about to take a turn to horror, I guess.

I can’t even understand what she’s saying.

Then after some single-entendres that don’t even make sense, the guy says “you never were good with words.” Well, whoever wrote this is self-aware of their own lousy writing, at least.

Then they try to have sex but their clothes are on, which obviously leads to failure.

Then Horseface delivers the world’s worst kick.

Say what you will about the first fight scene, the guys obviously had some familiarity with martial arts. Horseface…total novice.

So she kicked him out of the door of this hotel room or whatever and he lands in the pool. HOW CLOSE WAS THE POOL TO THE DOOR? It’s ridiculous. You step out of the door and you’re immediately in the pool?

The guy comes out of the pool and Horseface is waiting for him.

4:15 – Then some really, REALLY bad fighting from Horseface. This is pretty comical. Unintentionally, of course.

Instead of wrestling, she should take some tae kwon do classes or something.

Then the guy kicks her into the pool and…she drowns, I guess. Not sure why.

5:00 – So now the bald guy is fighting the third “fist” or whatever this is. These people are credited as “First One” through to “Fist Four.” So this is Fist Three, a black guy. They’re just suddenly fighting for some reason.

Fist three is using two mini-garbage can lids as weapons. No idea why, of course.

Oh, they’re weights.

Well, I’ve never seen a fight scene involving weights. For good reason. It makes no fucking sense.

So after the bald guy makes short work of Fist Three, we’re plunged in darkness as the bald guy struggles, along with the audience, to make sense of any of this.

Naturally, Fist Four enters and makes his displeasure with the bald guy known via the traditional method of badly choreographed fighting.

Oh, and Fist Four has those ninja scythes or whatever.

Then Fist Four just disappears. I don’t even think that the bald guy beat him. I didn’t see any big finishing move. Fist Four just disappears seemingly mid-fight.

So the bald guy stumbles away and you get “The End” on screen.

Well, that was anti-climactic. You built this story up so much and then…nothing. The characters were so developed. I was really invested in the bald guy and his quest for beating random people up.

This was all the work of Doug Seidel, one of God’s Chosen People. His last video was two years ago. This is his channel, by the way. But this latest video is just as bad as this “fists” bullshit.

Most recently, according to his IMDB, he was a “gaffer” for a music video. Whatever that is. Something to do with lighting. He was also an “actor” in this video, so I suspect this just some local bullshit from somebody who he’s associated with.

So that was Horseface’s uninspired debut. But Newt must have seen potential in her. Because her next video was some Taylor Swift parody video that Justin Silverman was involved with and I have to assume Newt as well, although uncredited. I’ve seen this before, I think, and can’t bring myself to watch it again. Just take my word for it that’s shit.

She’s also credited for one episode of Silvermania, Justin’s Youtube channel.

Some more shorts.

In 2016, she was in Midnight Show, Newt’s project that he’s talked about for years and I don’t believe has ever been released. And Newt isn’t even credited anywhere on IMDB for this.

It says it was released in 2016 but I can only find a trailer and it’s connected to Underbelly, Justin’s “show” on his channel. Or something.

Newt has said before that he’s been editing Midnight Show to take Horseface out of the movie and hopes to release it soon. He’s been saying this for YEARS. So this must be his project. Why is he not credited anywhere?

Maybe they’ll release is 2026 for the tenth anniversary of the so-called “release.”

Horseface was also on four episodes of Underbelly. They claim that this is a tv show but…I’m pretty sure it’s just Justin Silverman’s “series” on his defunct Youtube channel.

She was in something called “Portal”, which is a series of horror shorts that nobody has seen and possibly has never been released.

“Hold It”, another short that nobody has ever seen.

Swamp Zombies 2. Is Newt credited here at least? Oh, he is.

Oh, and Mel Heflin aka Mel Heifer, the “star” of the upcoming movie that Newt will allegedly have a nude scene in was also in Swamp Zombies 2.

That was in 2018. Then she did nothing from 2018 to 2021 when she made her long-awaited return to the big screen in…a Rex Viper video.

Oh wait. No, she was also in three episodes of Cinema Insomnia with Mr Lobo. They call it a “tv show” but once again, it’s just the guy’s fucking Youtube channel. And these videos get 200 views.

And then Horseface’s latest credit is in Bigfoot Exorcist in 2024. Newt gets writer and director credit along with Donald Farmer. And Horseface’s role was “1st Victim.”

She actually advertises this IMDB page. It’s just a series of Youtube videos that she’s done and a couple of zero budget Newt Wallen productions.

Why aren’t her Hack the Movies appearances listed here? What constitutes something that can be credited as an acting role? The bar seems to be extremely low.

Maybe Horseface should start doing some theatre work. There’s surely some community theatre near her full of equally deluded and obnoxious “actors.” She’d fit right in. She’s also be able to hone her craft, something that she’s in desperate need of.

I don’t think that Horseface ever said where she moved to but Newt lives in East Greenville, Pennsylvania, I believe. What’s the nearest amateur theatre group?

Well, there’s DCP Theatre in some tiny town nearby. Glowing reviews on Google. They talk about how they’re all amateurs and they hold open auditions.

A Rock Sails By is their next production. It’s about a UFO and a journalist. Eugh. I hope it’s deeper than that.

If Newt got involved in this shit, it would be good for two reasons. 1) He’d have a pool of new talent who he can woo away with promises of PAID work, however small the pay may be. 2) Maybe he can license some of his 1000+ scripts to these people for an upcoming production. Assuming that they like horribly-written “tits and gore” scripts, anyway.

Whatever happened to Newt’s fucking…what’s that shitty movie that he plagiarised verbatim? Plan 9 from Outer Space. He was going to do a puppet version. He had a guy make the puppets and everything. And then…it’s just gone like all of his other projects. It was way too ambitious for Newt. What the fuck does he know about working with puppets? He’s Jim Henson all of a sudden?