Garbage Pail Kids – NES Nintendo Video Game Review – Irate Gamer

His previous video on NES porn games got demonitised. Allegedly. So he’s not uploading part two of that NES porn games thing. It’s Patreon only, boys. Hurry up and subscribe to this hot Chris BORES action.

Good luck with that, Chris BORES.

So instead, we’re getting this hastily-thrown together Garbage Pail Kids shit.

0:15 – “If there’s one thing I’ve always loved as a kid, it was Garbage Pail Kids.”

Oh sure. He was a real Garbage Pail Kids fan. He was all about them. So much so that he’s not mentioned them once.

I mean, I don’t expect an adult to be discussing Garbage Pail Kids, but he’s suggesting that he loved Garbage Pail Kids more than anything else. So why hasn’t he mentioned it before?

They were popular for maybe a year? I don’t know. Two years. I liked them. I had a bunch of first series cards. I was trying to get them all. I even used the little checklist that came on the back of one of the cards, marking them off. But I didn’t get them all. And then series two came out and…fuck. I lost interest. I was trying to get all of series one and now it will never happen.

I dipped in and out after the first series. My series one cards weren’t in mint condition because I’d look at them a lot. I didn’t use them as stickers but the corners would get bent or frayed or whatever because I’d look at them so much. But then when I found out that they’re worth some money, I started taking care of them better. I think that I put them in binders. By then the damage was done but at least the subsequent series were in better condition. The subsequent series that aren’t worth anything.

How did I even know that they’re worth money? This was like 1985, I guess. No internet. There were no price guides for these. Maybe it was just a rumour.

I also had a few big cards. They were like four times the size of a standard card. They came three to a pack or maybe just one to a pack. Surely, those are more rare than the normal cards.

I also had some little like Muscle Men figures. “Cheap Toys” I think they were called. Those are worth like fifty bucks each now, apparently.

But as for the normal cards, there were some cool ones. I like Joltin’ Joe aka Mean Gene the best. He was a military guy throwing a bunch of dynamite. Those were the best ones. Just regular fucking Cabbage Patch Dolls as something slightly wacky. It was something you could imagine being an actual doll that could be sold.

But by the later series, it just got disgusting. Every single card was somebody with serious mucus problems. I don’t want to see this. Even as a kid, I didn’t want to see that. So I stopped buying the fucking cards. What do I need to see Take Out Dinah eating her own mucus with chopsticks? It’s stupid.

0:30 – Chris BORES was “always” confused that Garbage Pail Kids never got a video game. You know, because they had a movie (that nobody saw) and cartoon series (that even fewer people saw) and of course the cards. I never even heard of the cartoon series. And the movie is well known for being shit.

It’s not a property that lends itself to video games or movies or…anything. Who wants to play a mucus-based game? Boogerman is roundly condemned as rotten.

Chris BORES is a wearing a tie for some reason. I guess because Blasted Billy aka Adam Bomb wore one. But he had the tie already tied when he put it on. And looking at it, I’m reminded of how I would tie my tie in high school. There was a basic knot that people would use that would result in a crooked knot.

There was one guy who always kept his tie tied when he took it off because he didn’t know how to tie it.

It’s crazy that I went to a school where you had to wear ties. Do they still do this? It was part of the uniform .

Wow. That school still requires that uniform with a tie. And the tuition is four times as much as what I paid for college. Who could possibly afford this? You’re going to spend $50,000 so your kid can go to high school for four years? It’s mostly Mexican too. Even when I went there, it was probably 1/3 Mexican. Where’s the money coming from? No offence but it’s a fucking ghetto.

5:00 – For the SECOND time in this video, Chris BORES is just rattling off the names of the various enemies in the game. WE GET IT! There are a lot of references to the card series. MOVE ON. Reading lists of names is NOT entertainment. You’re clearly just padding this out.

5:45 – Chris BORES says that some powerups in the game are a “COCK tease”. He pronounces it really weird. I had to listen to it a few times to understand what he was saying. But yeah, this is just more homosexual material from this faggot. “Boner biting dogs” and whatnot.

6:45 – Chris BORES constantly complains about a character called Patty Putty.

What about Patty Plenty? She died a few years ago, didn’t she? She went by Patty Please for a while. I saw an interview of her in some porn video before. Total nut.

Wow. Patty Plenty isn’t noteworthy enough for Wikipedia? That’s shocking. Have to try Boobpedia then.

What? According to this, she’s still alive. There’s no way.

She made a little dancing video last year.

And according to Twitter, she’s still “touring”. Who would pay to have sex with a 76 year old woman?

She’s on OnlyFans too.

Anyway, good for Patty Plenty. I guess. I mean, is it unreasonable to expect porn stars to retire at 65 like everybody else? Is this something you want to do in your twillight years?

So yeah, Chris BORES ends the video with some lame as fuck animation, of course.

  • “Love dr bores”

It’s a reference to his “ghost doctor” title. Pretty funny. He probably got his ghost doctorate from some questionable Caribbean ghost medical school.

Is he still doing that shit or did he already stop?

According to the official website, he’s still going. He needs to bring these prices down. In this economy, people can’t afford a hundred bucks to cleanse their home of stage five hauntings. Times are tough, Chris. Show some compassion to those of us afflicted by the undead.

Oh, and he such a creepy questionaire that you had to fill out. I didn’t talk about it because I planned to pose as a fake client just see what creepy shit I could get him to say but then I decided that I had more important things to do with my time.

Oh, he’s also selling “tar water” for fifteen bucks. What a bargain. I could always use some tar water.

Where is this questionaire? Did he get rid of it? He asked you questions about your children’s “promiscuity”. I wish I would have saved it now. If your daughter is a slut, it’s obviously because of ghosts.

Oh, I found it now. Under the three ghost hunting packages, you have to click “Unsure what to purchase? Click here for help”. Then you get a Google form.

He wants to know if you’re going through any of the following:

  • Recent Divorce
  • Death in family
  • Your Kids reaching the age of Teenage Adolescence
  • Victim of a Tragic Event

Just those four things. And all of the weird capitalisation is his. Why does he need to know if you have young teenagers in your house? How is that related to the tragic stuff that he listed?

“Do you engage in any of these activities?”

  • Ouiji Boards
  • Tarot Cards
  • Newt Age Activities
  • Consuming Alcohol
  • Drugs
  • Promiscuous Activities
  • Voodoo
  • Smoking

I conflated the two things assuming that Chris BORES wouldn’t be asking adults if they’re behaving promisculously. But he is. He wants to know if you’re out there being naughty with the ladies. Or the fellas.

Can you fuck your wife or is that considered “promiscuous”? Chris wants all the details. Maybe one day, Chris’ wife will let him fuck her. Until then, he’s still proudly showing his purity ring off to every unaccompanied goth teenager he can find at Disney World.

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