Gamer Girls

We’ll cap off Newt Wallen Week with this fucking piece of shit. Bigfoot Exorcist.

0:00 – “Last month we had the release of Shark Exorcist 2”.

Which nobody watched. Go on.

Newt says that Bigfoot Exorcist was the first thing that he ever shot for Donald Farmer. “Obviously, I’ve gone on since then to do Shark Exorcist 2, Blood Bitch Baby, Darby Screamhouse, Amittyville vs The Galactic Samurai Schoolgirls.”

Oh yeah. Obviously. Those classics that nobody has ever seen.

0:45 – Newt says that he “badgered” (his word) Donald Farmer “for a very long time” in order to be involved with a movie. “I said I can shoot something. I’m part of this Youtube show.”

I don’t know if he’s talking about Underbelly or the few months he was working at Screenwave before he was fired for plagiarising 20 scripts for Monster Madness.

This Bigfoot Exorcist scene that Newt allegedly shot was filmed in March 2020. It was on “My former best friend Justin Silverman’s birthday.”

This former best friend that he just wrote a script about where Newt repeatedly insults Justin.

1:45 – “I had Tony Pilluso and Crystal Quin from that old show.”

Odd that he uses their names. And their full names. He’s always at pains to call them “The Italian” and “The Redhead” because they told him to stop talking about them and his workaround to this was to use barely-concealed aliases.

Joe from Movie Dumpster was also part of this filming.

Newt says that he wrote and directed this scene for Bigfoot Exorcist. So you just know that it’s god awful.

2:00 – “Crystal acted in it and it was cold out and she had to be in a little skirt like with her top open and with a red bra on.”

Newt, jerk off before you make the video. We don’t give a shit about this.

2:30 – Newt got in trouble for using the studio at Screenwave on a Saturday without permission. He finds this offensive.

Newt says that he asked Tony for permission but Tony didn’t ask Ryan. So Newt is blaming Tony. Newt never takes responsibility for anything.

3:45 – “It was cold out. I feel bad for my former actress, my former friend, my former girlfriend.”

He just got done talking about the colour of her bra and how short her skirt was. This is him getting sexually excited. He doesn’t give a fuck that she was cold. Fuck off.

4:00 – “The blood and the red bra and the red hair and everything.”

Newt, suck a dick, you faggot. I’m sick of hearing your disgusting fantasies.

“It had this real Boggy Creek meets Last House on the Left kind of feel to it.”

More plagiarism from The Ideas Man.

5:00 – “Her chest heaving.”

Newt, go show your penis to some more gay men for money.

5:45 – “It sucks that those guys aren’t around to enjoy the release.”

But they are around. They’re just not around your faggot ass.

9:45 – “We’re getting closer to a Newt Wallen movie, which is what I wanted.”

Nobody else wants that, Newt.

10:45 – “I don’t want to make Youtube videos. I want to make movies, I want to make comic books.”

Speaking of which, where the fuck is Florida Man Saves Christmas? It’s now YEARS behind schedule.

Do you suppose that it’s as awful as the Ghouls, Ghouls, Ghouls script? Is that even possible? It must be. Ghouls, Ghouls, Ghouls is apparently one of Newt’s better works. God, it boggles the mind.

11:00 – “I’ve got Were-shark coming up.”

It’s a piece of shit, Newt. This is all shit.

11:30 – “I’ve been able to team up with some way more talented than me filmmakers.”

Newt, you’re on a level that’s so low that we can’t even conseptualise it. Your worth as a filmmaker is less than microscopic. It’s theoretical. You have no business doing any of this and it’s beyond me why people are humoring you. They know that it’s shit. They know that everything that you do is shit. There must be absolutely nobody else who’s willing to do this.

Newt provides the prositute “actors” so there’s that. Most people don’t want to get involved in that sketchy shit. So I guess that that’s what he brings to this. He brings the prostitute “actors”. And I guess that he has some equipment and props. He’s certainly not bringing any talent.

12:15 – “We’ve got like nine movies that I’ve done stuff with.”

All pure shit.

“Fallon’s in a bunch of them.”

Speaking of which, where’s Sucks 2 Suck? I want to see that shower scene. And the no doubt excellent and witty script.

There’s a review of Bigfoot Exorcist on Amazon.

“A useless and trashy movie not worth sitting and wasting time on.”

That’s about what I figured.

There’s the trailer. There are a couple of shots of Horseface in her red bra. I’m fully erect over here.

Oh, and wouldn’t you know it, Newt left a comment promoting himself. “Shot the opening of this one. Excited to be part of so many Donald projects being released by Wildeye”

Haha. Then somebody replies and Newt thinks that it’s me.

Blaze says: “How long is the opening”

Newt then says, “how many accounts do you have gamer girl. It would be funny if it was not so sad. Get a hobby dude.”

Blaze says, “so I’m guessing your contribution to this cinematic masterpiece isn’t very long. how many of your scripts for monster madness 2021 were plaquarized?”

I assure you that I’m not doing any of this. If I’m not writing about it, I’m not doing it. I’m not creating accounts on Youtube or Twitter or whatever and harassing Newt. I’m not calling his jobs. I’m not doing any of this.

I saw somebody with a Twitter account full of comments about how Newt is a plagiarist and they were referencing stuff that I’ve written about. I assume it’s somebody who reads the blog. And frankly, I found it pathetic, no offence to whoever it might be. But it is absolutely not me and I’m telling you that I find it to be pathetic, obsessive behaviour.

But I guess people need an outlet. I can write whatever in the blog so there’s no need for me to comment on Youtube or Twitter. But if I didn’t have the blog…I just don’t think that I’d write about it. I mean, who really gives a shit? I don’t care that Newt plagiarised 20 scripts for Monster Madness. I’m not going to hound him over this. It makes sense in the context of a blog because I’m writing about Newt but I’m not going to stalk Newt himself with this shit.

It’s like the fags on Reddit who are clearly desperate for stuff to talk about so they’ll rehash shit that happened ten years ago and they’ll talk about how he walks and Photoshop him to make him look sexy and all of this. It’s because they’re bored and trying to talk to these other losers on Reddit. So they rehash this old bullshit over and over again. They’re just trying to be part of the community and have some interraction with people.

But the blog is a journalistic or even a literary endevour. It has some value in that sense.

Are people collating Reddit posts? No, it’s disposable. But the blog is here for the ages. Future generations will appreciate my efforts to document the plight of fake gamers and unfathomably untalented filmmakers.