Gamer Girls

0:00 –

Newt: Let me put this down so everyone can see your outfit.

PVC Bondage Guy: Oh yeah, my glorious outfit.

What the fuck is she wearing? Some kind of dress or top or bondage outfit that shows her underboob.

1:30 – Newt is talking about doing some trivia…thing…in a gay bar? I guess? He’s saying “twinks”. But…Newt is gay. He has sex with PVC Bondage Guy (a man), he shows his penis to Joe from Gamesack (about as manly as PVC Bondage Guy). Anyway, I have no idea what this story is about.

2:30 – They’re talking about the next Newtrician video. I noticed that Newt actually “premieres” these videos. It’s annoying. And these little shitty food review videos? Why? Just post them whenever.

2:45 – PVC Bondage Guy is talking about her outfit. “I found this in the thrift store and I can’t figure out where to wear it.”

The brothel.

3:45 – “I’m in a long argument with my boss about some shit that happened last Sunday night.”

It’s regarding a group who rented the cinema. There was some dispute with his boss. Newt calls him a “dick”.

While all of this is going on, PVC Bondage Guy is eating a big sandwich.

Shouldn’t PVC Bondage Guy be on a strict diet now that she’s doing her wrestling training? All chicken breast.

Oh, Newt says that he’s been going to job interviews as a result of this dispute.

I hear you, Ideas Man. My job is ending (it’s been slowly ending for the past 15 years but I think this is finally it) so I’ve been looking for work. Six months. Nothing. Not a single interview.

So I’m starting to contact people who I know just looking for low-paid remote work. These are clients of mine. I’ve emailed six and one of them said that they might have something and asked when I’m free to come in for an interview. I don’t know why an interview is necessary since they already know me but whatever. They haven’t got back to me but it’s only been a couple of days.

My plan now is to find some remote work, it doesn’t have to be much, and ideally I’d like to find it from more than one person so that I’m not beholden to anyone. Then I’m going to move to Northern Europe. I looked at prices of property and it’s within my budget. Seems a lot cheaper than the UK. I’m finding stuff for €20,000. It’s not the Hilton, they’re studio apartments, but €20,000 in a major city? You’re not finding a liveable property anywhere in the UK for €20,000. I’d be terrified to live anywhere even close to that price in the UK.

So the idea is to find some remote work and then move and then hopefully I can continue doing the remote work. I know a lot of people. I’ve made a lot of connections, despite my complete lack of socialising. I’m a pillar of the community. So I’m hoping I can find something. I only need like two or three people to give me this kind of work and there must be 100 people who I can contact. Big wigs. Captains of industry. See how it goes then.

5:00 – Newt says that he was diagnosed with cancer recently. He got a second opinion that disagreed with that. So he’s getting a third opinion.

I wish the best for Newt but…I don’t know. Because he’s had cancer before. He’s had a lot of health problems. But he’s still a giant asshole. The health problems don’t seem to put things into perspective for him. He doesn’t become a better person when he realises how short life can be.

If Newt died tomorrow, what would anybody say. “There goes that total piece of shit who was awful to everybody he’s ever known”? I’d like to see that obituary.

He’s also talking about his narrow urethra, by the way. Hank Hill style.

I don’t want to know this. Does Joe from Gamesack want to know this? “Let’s hear more intimate details about issues with your penis, Newt.” Is this even erotic to anyone?

Newt doesn’t have insurance because his boss cut the insurance. The US is a real piece of shit country.

Newt is talking about getting a rectal exam and having an extremely swollen prostate. And fucking PVC Bondage Guy is chowing down on her big sandwich like it’s nothing.

Newt talks about some horntard who he met in Ohio, who he had previously talked out of killing himself. The horntard said that he’s making a movie and wants Newt to help. Newt agreed but then the guy stopped replying to Newt’s messages. So Newt is mad about this. He wants to know why this guy would lie about wanting to make a movie and then not following through.

It does look like a good sandwich. Is it Italian beef? They don’t sell Italian beef sandwiches in the UK. I’ve discussed my Italian beef sandwich restaurant idea with my girlfriend. I think it would be hugely popular. And it doesn’t require much. Just buns, slices of beef, pepperoncinis, and gravy.

I’d offer the sandwiches wet or dry. It would blow minds when people are served a sandwich dipped in gravy. The decadence of it. It’s a culinary experience that doesn’t exist in the UK.

And it can all be done fairly cheap. You can rent the tiniest of spaces. In the US, it’s diners that have this sort of food. You don’t even need a seating area. Take out only. People would come in droves to experience this authentic slice of Americana.

American food is never even approaching authentic in the UK. “American restaurants” are all owned by people from Pakistan, so that doesn’t help. I’d be serving the real deal. Wet Italian beef sandwiches. Italian sausage sandwiches too. Oh fuck. Sandwiches with Italian beef AND Italian sausage. It’s a license to print money.

You can sell them for £15 each. This is a country where Five Guys sells £10 hamburgers. So a big sandwich for £15 dripping with gravy is eminently reasonable. And it can’t possibly cost much to make. The bun is 30p, the meat is £2, and the pepperoncini is 8p. Wages. Electricity. Rent. I think I can do it.

Back to PVC Bondage Guy stuffing her face with my million dollar idea.

9:15 – Newt says that he’ll keep everyone “abreast” of what’s going on and then points to PVC Bondage Guy’s breasts. What a total piece of shit.

Newt says, “It’s terrifying” and PVC Bondage Guy nods while having a huge chunk of sandwich in her mouth.

“Tell me more about your cancer, Newt. This sandwich is delicious.”

10:30 – Newt asks PVC Bondage Guy about her wrestling. Eugh. Can we get back to the anal cancer, please?

Newt is eating…I don’t know…fries. Oh. Chicken. No, there’s an overabundance of chicken places in the UK. Italian beef is my idea.

14:00 – Some horntard sent PVC Bondage Guy a Valentine’s Day card. She opened it and said that it’s cute. Newt says, “I like the ones that are like ‘butt stuff'”

Uh huh. Scumbag, you say.

18:00 – PVC Bondage Guy is talking about her wrestling shit and he she’s, “Not on the card yet.” Well, no shit. You’ve been “training” for like a month. If that. It’s a fucking joke.

If she’s serious about this, which she obviously isn’t, she should be concentrating on the craft of wrestling. Chain wrestling. The pscyhology of professional wrestling. Building your physique. She just wants to be famous without putting any effort in. No. If you put the effort in, the fame may or may not come. But without the effort, there’s no chance of fame.

23:00 – PVC Bondage Guy offers Newt an assistant manager job at the bowling alley she works at. Well, that’s sweet. PVC Bondage Guy is a nice man/woman. S/he shouldn’t be hanging out with Newt.

33:00 – Newt tells a long Simpsons joke that he stole. The Kid Gorgeous/Kid Presentable thing from when Moe was a boxer.

33:45 – Somebody asks who the worst female wrestler is and PVC Bondage Guy says that she doesn’t know. Because she doesn’t watch wrestling, as she openly admits. She only started watching this shit maybe nine months ago.

38:30 – I’m turning this off. They’ve been talking about Godzilla being “trans” for the past few minutes and PVC Bondage Guy is talking about how “bi” and “trans” she is and it’s really putting me off PVC Bondage Guy. I try to ignore the unpleasant parts of PVC Bondage Guy, of which there are many.