Gamer Girls

I think that we know what to expect by now. James Rolfe in front of a green screen, wearing his orange pumpkin shirt, will set out his criteria for what a Halloween episode is. He’ll possibly break his own criteria. He’ll set out a list of more interesting shows that he could have “reviewed”. And then he’ll summarise an episode of fucking Family Matters.

How embarrassing is it that Family Matters is one of James’ favourite shows? Along with such highbrow TGIF fare as Full House? These are shows for CHILDREN.

I had a discussion with some nerd on Reddit about this. He insisted that Family Matters isn’t a children’s show. Oh, do tell. Do you think many childless adults were tuning in every Friday to catch the latest antics of Urkel? Oh, he built a robot version of himself this week and it’s destroying the Winslow’s kitchen. This is some real sophisticated comedy. I can’t decide if I should watch this or Frasier.

0:30 – He’s giving the honourable mentions. Full House (of course), Married with Children, Boy Meets World. God. Boy Meets World. That’s even more of a children’s show than Family Matters.

Roseanne and Home Improvement get shout outs too.

I watched all of these shows. Married with Children was obviously a raunchy show and geared to adolescent boys, as opposed to children who were the target audience of, say, Family Matters. And Roseanne dealt with adult situations but the Halloween episodes were clearly aimed at children. Home Imrprovement had little to nothing to appeal to adults.

1:30 – “So what about Seinfeld, one of the biggest shows of the 1990s, if not the biggest show of the 1990s, did not have a Halloween episode.”

Yeah…Jimmy…it’s a show for ADULTS. It centres around four childless ADULTS. Adults who live in New York City, by the way. There’s no fucking trick or treaters going to the various apartments.

But somehow this concept totally baffles Jimmy.

Then he goes on to talk about The Adventures of Pete and Pete, a show that was squarely aimed at children and broadcast on Nickelodeon “the only channel for kids”, and describes the show as “family oriented”.

No. Jimmy. CHILD-orientated. The only adults watching that trash are doing so because their children are watching it. What single adult in the 1990s was watching The Adventures of Pete and Pete? Some fucking giant creep perhaps but I don’t think that they were the target audience.

Then he talks about Goosebumps and Are You Afraid of the Dark, two more shows squarely aimed at children. I’ve never even seem them. I’ve never seen The Adventures of Pete and Pete either. I was too old by the time those shows were on. I was probably 13.

2:15 – He starts talking about Halloween specials of the 1990s and how they therefore don’t meet his criteria. Never mind the fact that his previous video was about that Garfield Halloween special. God. If anybody knows “special”, it’s James “Seven and a Half Years in Special Education” Rolfe.

2:30 – “Who can forget The Simpsons Treehouse of Horror?”

Well, you, for example. Hasn’t James said that he never watched the Simpsons? Or stopped after the first season or something?

2:45 – “And what about South Park?”

WHAT ABOUT GETTING ON TO THE FUCKING “REVIEW”, JIMMY? ENOUGH OF THIS SHIT.

3:00 – “So we could have just had a whole marathon about the 90s.”

But you were too fucking lazy to do your job.

3:15 – “I’m going to have to go with my favourite sitcom of the 90s, Family Matters.”

“Did I do that?” Isn’t that funny, adult comedy?

God, he’s such a fucking retard. Before you knew that he went to special education you must have just thought, “Oh, he’s a quirky guy who can appreciate children’s shows.” No. He’s a straight up retard who can ONLY appreciate children’s shows because he has the mind of a child.

4:00 – “Urkel was my hero.”

How? You were building cloning machines in your basement? What about Urkel is possibly relatable? He’s a completely stereotypical nerd with effectively mystical powers and totally one-dimensional.

5:00 – He’s finally talking about the episode. After five minutes of filibustering.

5:15 – “It opens with Urkel, with a jack-o-lantern, warning the audience that this episode is going to be scary. Already, this has got to the most festive way to start a Halloween episode. You can’t ask for any better. But what’s funny is that it’s kind of true. I wouldn’t say that it’s actually scary but it’s definitely much scarier than a regular Family Matters episodes.”

Well no fucking shit, James. It’s a comedy show. God, he’s so fucking stupid.

Let’s recap. Urkel comes on and says that the show is going to be scary. James says that what Urkel says is true. James then goes on to say that the episode ISN’T scary.

So what was true about Urkel’s statement? That it’s scarier than a typical episode where Urkel is crashing a car into the Winslow’s kitchen or something? That’s just common sense.

6:30 – Urkel moved in with the Winslows? I didn’t know that. It apparently happened in a later season. I stopped watching the show right around the time I reached puberty. Like a normal person.

But James was still watching this shit in college.

Why would he move in with the Winslows? He was living with his mother or something. Nearby. Let me look this up.

https://familymatters.fandom.com/wiki/Home_Sweet_Home

Urkel’s parents moved to Russia as a result of their contempt of Urkel. The Winslows agree to let Urkel live with them.

Why? He was constantly trying to fuck Laura. Not to mention destroying their kitchen every week. This is the world’s worst idea.

Back to Jimmy. He’s just continuining to summarise the episode. It’s about a doll that comes to life. It doesn’t look scary but it does look more scary than a typical Family Matters episode. So that was a real astute observation by Jimmy.

How are we going to talk about porn from this? Well, obviously, we have to mention the girl who played the daughter who disappeared from the show and later appeared in a handful of adult movies under the name Crave.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jaimee_Foxworth

I saw her on Oprah or something talking about a discussion that she was having with an adult film co-star of hers. They were discussing how degrading the job is or something and the woman said, “Well, we’re just sluts so we have to do it.” And this spurred Miss Foxworth, who just got done taking a double anal penetration, to say, “Wait, a minute. I’m not a slut” and decide to get out of the industry.

What has she done subsequently? According to Wikipedia, substance abuse and depression. That won’t pay the bills.

She also had a baby in 2009. Good for her.

https://twitter.com/jaimeethefoxx

There’s her Twitter. Her Instagram is similar. Full of highly Photoshopped pictures of her, as a 43 year old woman, bending over and pushing her tits together and whatnot. So much for not being a slut.

She said in this interview that she realised that she was only doing porn because she liked the attention. She missed from being an actor. But she decided that it was unhealthy.

But look at that Twitter or, worse, the Instagram. She’s on TikTok too. All the exact same shit. Softcore porn. For who? Who wants to see this? Even her hardcore stuff 20 years ago wasn’t interesting.

According to a Youtube video from five years ago, where she talks about dating, she was single at that time.

https://www.cameo.com/jaimeethefoxx

She’s also on Cameo. $66 for a video. How?

You can choose “roast” as a video option. Maybe she can roast James Rolfe. “Hey, it’s yo fly girl Jaime. Just wanted to let you know that you’re a grown man and you can stop watching that faggot Urkel. He was the one who caused me to get fired from the show. But whatever, this was 30 years ago. I’ve moved on and so should you.”