Gamer Girls

At first I thought, “So she’s going to show some Japanese candy. Who gives a shit? I’ve seen this a thousand times before.”

But then I thought, “Maybe I’m too jaded. Yes, it’s been done a billion times but so has everything else. Let’s give it a chance.”

No. She starts the video by saying that this is just some subscription box who sent her a free sample. This is dog shit. She couldn’t even be bothered to pick out some candy that she’s genuinely interested in. She’s just reviewing one of those shitty fucking subscription boxes. Fuck this lazy ass bullshit.

You can see this woman naked on the internet, by the way. Her links are here:

https://linktr.ee/zuvinyan

According to that, you have to be over 20 to see the pornographic stuff. Why? Presumably, that’s the law in Japan but she lives in the US.

According to her OnlyFans, you’re not allowed to print the images. Who’s doing that? Who’s printing pornographic images? Let me fire up my dot matrix printer so that I can print out this pornographic picture and enjoy it on the go.

When I first got the internet, I printed out a still frame from…what was it? Showgirls, I guess. That was pornography back in the day. No smart phones, of course. This was like 1998. So yeah, I printed this picture out. I think I had an ink jet printer but no color ink so it was just black and white. Then I folded the picture up and put it in my pocket and would use it in the bathroom. Masturbation was no easy task back then. Spanking it to black and white, poor quality, freeze frame printings of mainstream movies.

I had a few magazines as well. Playboy and Penthouse. Those sucked dick, and not in a good way. But I had some more explicit magazines like Busty Beauties and Gent: Home of the D Cups. Breast enthusiast magazines mostly. I also had some Asian stuff like Oriental Dolls. Not much, though. My entire pornographic magazine collection was about a dozen magazines.

And before that, we’re talking about scrambled Spice Channel stuff. We had some kind of descrambler but it only descrambled the image for like 30 seconds and then it would be scrambled for two minutes or so. It would alternate like that. So you really had to squint and time your ejaculation.

I also had a collection of just mainstream stuff. There was a TV listings magazine (not TV Guide but just whatever came in the newspaper) that had Dolly Parton on the cover. I had a milk ad that had Naomi Campbell in a little dress. I had some surprisingly risque ads from Cosmopolitan magazine. This sort of thing.

Anyway, for $45, you can watch this Japanese woman with no breasts and no personality watching hentai. No, I think I’m okay. Where does she get these prices? Who’s buying any of this?

For $150, you can have a 7 minute video of her having anal sex with her husband/pimp in what even she describes as a “messy room”. What? No. Are you out of your mind? I’m not paying anything for that.

She also seems to do a lot of self-fisting videos. Come on. That’s just gross.

That pimp/husband has no idea what people want to see. It’s not this shit, I’ll tell you that.

So anyway, she’s going to talk about candy now. From this subscription box. Let the good times roll.

1:15 – Rice crackers. Is this happening? Is how she’s starting the video? A video about Japanese candy and she starts with RICE CRACKERS?

I think that I’d rather see that revolting fisting video, frankly.

She’s showed about three items so far and they’re all video game related. This sucks. Don’t they sell regular candy in Japan?

9:30 – She says that she doesn’t chew gum because she has a problem with her jaw. She continues and says that she has to wear a mouthguard when she sleeps. Too much dick sucking, I guess. Or she seems to do a lot of videos where she attempts to see how much stuff she can fit in her pussy. Maybe she also does videos where she sees how much stuff she can fit in her mouth. What other orifices can this idea be extended to?

So that’s the video. Wow. That was some boring stuff. She did mention that it was mostly video game related candy as opposed to “traditional” candy, though.

At the beginning of the video, she said that she regularly gets candy from Japan and she showed huge containers of this stuff. Why? She’s lived in the US for many years. I’m thinking at least ten. Is the candy in Japan really that much better than the candy in the US?

I’ve eaten some Pocky in my time. It’s not great. And the portion sizes are miniscule. Japan seems to emphasise cute packaging over quality product. You get some chalky, bland candy in a Hello Kitty tin for five bucks or whatever. No thanks.

I’ve never even considered importing candy from the US but US candy is surely better than British candy. At least the non-chocolate stuff. There’s certainly more variety in the US. Way more. But who gives a shit? It’s candy. The shit they have in the grocery stores is good enough. Jelly Babies or whatever. Fine. I’ll go with it. Sure, I’d rather have those Life Savers gummies but who cares? I’m not going to go out of my fucking way to import this shit and pay the astronomical prices that people want for imported candy.

I did get a couple of tubs of Red Vines, over the years, though, from Amazon. They don’t sell licorice in the UK. Not really, anyway. It exists as a generic candy in bite size pieces or coils in any “pick and mix” place that might still exist but you can’t find a pack of Twizzlers or something like that.

It’s peculiar because licorice is popular in Northern Europe. I mean actual licorice, not so much that red “licorice”. But no, there’s no licorice culture in the UK.

Anyway, I’m going to go see how much licorice I can fit in my ass now.