Gamer Girls

0:00 – “This movie was directed by Donald Farmer. I’m reviewing it because I am connected to it as a producer and as a segment writer.”

Really. Let’s check this out.

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt12391962/fullcredits/

Well, he is given credit as a writer, along with his bestie Donald Farmer who he’s mentioned before. So credit where credit is due. Newt is legitimately listed as a writer of this thing. Good for Newt.

But as for his producer credit…it’s true that he’s listed as a producer but so are, literally, about 100 other people. I suspect that this was one of those, “If you pay us $100 we’ll put your name in the credits as a producer” GoFundMe tiers.

Although, Newt does have the unique title of “segment producer.” So I don’t know. But when you’re listed with 100 other people, it really muddies the water.

The titular Debbie is played by a woman who looks like a tatted up Horseface. She also…wait what? Is this the same woman? Oh my god it is.

https://abc11.com/armed-woman-barricaded-cary-magnolia-ridge-apartment-complex-standoff/1574437/

How’s this for bad luck? Newt Wallen finally gets credit, in some way, for playing some role, in some movie, no matter how shitty is undoubtedly is, and then the leading lady goes and kills her father. That kind of puts a damper on things.

If this was a real movie, it would be pulled. Let’s say there’s a new Jennifer Lawrence movie and then she goes out and kills her father. The studio would pull the movie from theatres, it wouldn’t be on any streaming service, there would be no promotion, of course. Right? Is there any precedent for this? It just seems to me like that’s what the reaction would be.

Now I have to check the rest of the cast. How many of them are still living free?

They all seem to be women who do these little-known softcore porn movies. A lot of them seem to be in the same handful of movies as each other.

Wait…and there’s a character called Newt Wallen. But he’s not played by Newt Wallen.

Well, let’s get to the video, I guess. I’m intrigued now. There’s so much going on. Murder, desperate sluts, a character by the name of Newt Wallen. Maybe Newt explains some or all of this.

1:00 – He’s talking about doing a movie…or something…when he was working at Screenwave and Crystal Quin aka Horseface was in it and so was Tony from Hack the Movies. Newt claims that Tony was working the camera and Horseface is actually in the movie. He says that it will be released in 2024. Well, we’ll look forward to that, I guess.

Then he’s talking about some other “movie” that he filmed with Horseface and Tony.

But then Newt says that he got fired for plagiarism so Screenwave deleted the footage. The footage was supposed to go to Donald Farmer, who was the director or something.

Newt has shown footage of this before. It was some creep shot of Horseface walking in the water and Newt following right behind her, filming her ass. Literally, that was the footage. Newt even basically describes it this way.

3:30 – So Newt says when he got fired from Screenwave, he was working on another project with Fallon. This is that tatted-up old prostitute who Newt worked with for Sucks 2 Suck, which we all hope will be released as soon as possible. That shower scene that Newt teased really got my…I don’t know…penis going.

Oh, that’s the project that he was talking about. So he was working on Sucks 2 Suck as far back as when he got fired from Screenwave.

4:30 – Ryan Schott told Newt not to bother with Shark Exorcist 2 saying, “Why are you wasting your time on that? It’s just going to get made fun of.”

Well, he had a point.

So anyway, Newt filmed a scene with Fallon to make up for the scene with Horseface that Screenwave deleted. And Newt gave this footage to Donald Farmer for whatever the movie was that he was making. This then lead to Newt being offered the job on Debbie Does Demons.

Newt tells you where you can watch this shit. Spoiler: it’s not exactly any of the popular streaming platforms. It’s $40 for the “deluxe” version and about $30 for the normal one. Only 299 left in stock. Presumably 300 were made. That’s fucking hilarious. They’re blurays, by the way.

Newt says that they’re, “Selling out like crazy.”

6:00 – Newt says that he was going to do his scene with Fallon but she was unavailable. Out whoring, I guess. He also was going to do the scene with PVC Bondage Guy but “she” was in the hospital. For shame, Newt. You don’t get to decide PVC Bondage Guy’s pronouns.

So Newt had to “hand it off to someone else”. So somebody else shot this scene but Newt says that he wrote it.

6:30 – Newt says that he named the character Newt Wallen. The character is some porn producer or something. The idea sounds idiotic. I was actually tempted to buy the DVD, just to review it, but after hearing Newt’s moronic description, I’m not interested.

Oh, originally Newt was going to play the Newt character. He was going to wear the kimono that he wore in that video where he flashed the camera. I wrote about it but it was so disturbing that I don’t want to look for it.

He’s talking about the other actresses now. He’s got to talk about this woman who killed her father. She’s the fucking star of the movie.

9:00 – “Angel Bradford, I’ve not worked with her yet but we’ve talked about it.”

Newt…unless that prison allows conjugal visits, you can forget about working with her. When was she arrested? Maybe he filmed this before she was arrested because I think that it was just recently.

Wait…no, this article is from 2016. It’s the same woman, though. Her IMDB says that she’s from North Carolina and this news report is from North Carolinia. And they share identical names: Angel Nicole Bradford. And they look the same.

She must have been acquitted or did her time.

https://www.instagram.com/angelnichole.b/

There’s her Instagram. She describes herself as a model, pole dancer, fire performer, and makeup artist. She’s not on OnlyFans, interestingly enough. Oh, she’s also a “gamer”. “Murderer” is not mentioned.

Well, good for her. You know? Maybe she was acquitted by twelve men brave and true. Or maybe she’s served her time and she’s rehabilitated now. This is what makes America so great. It’s a place where you can get a second chance. And who can honestly say that they’ve never shot their father? This is why pencils have erasers.

10:30 – Newt says that Donald Farmer has already contacted Newt about making another movie. Great. Newt is really going places. We were all wrong to doubt him. All of these people in the comments saying that Newt is a fraud and his projects don’t exist…it’s right there on that weird website. You can buy the DVD yourself. Newt is listed as a writer. And as one of the 100 producers.

I’m big enough to admit that I was wrong. Newt promised us 11 or 13 projects to be released in 2023. Here’s one. It’s one more than I expected. And he still has five months to deliver the other 10 or 12.

10:45 – Donald Farmer asked Newt to get Fallon back so Newt says that he’s going to see if she wants to do it.

Well, she did already stop talking to you, Newt. But maybe now that there’s money involved again, she’ll change her mind.

11:00 – There’s some other stupid project that Donald Farmer asked Newt to write called Aliens…I don’t know…something about schoolgirls. So Newt described this as “X movie” plus “Y movie” like he always does. Everything has to be plagiarised.

13:15 – He’s talking about Shark Vampire now. I don’t even know what about. I’ve kind of tuned out. He says that it used to be Sharkula and now it’s Jasferatsu. No. Newt. My title is way better. Shark Vampire. It’s a sure fire hit.

Then Newt waffles on for a few more minutes and that’s the video.

So good for the Ideas Man. And he went the whole video without talking about having sex with dead women. That’s another achievement. He’s on a roll over here.

It’s too bad that we couldn’t see Newt’s vision where he was going to play the Newt Wallen character and PVC Bondage Guy was going to play the whore or whatever the character is. PVC Bondage Guy was in the “hospital” at the time. Uh huh. It’s important that PVC Bondage Guy gets all the help that he needs.

What the movie seems to be is a bunch of disjointed segments, all filmed by different people and then put together. I can’t help but think that this is not the way that you create a great film with a unified vision. But it’s kind of like an anthology movie, I guess. Kind of. And who doesn’t enjoy anthology movies? Everyone? Well, that’s true.

“You got something really awesome to look forward to here.”

As do you, Miss Bradford. Living life as a free woman. *Chef’s kiss*