Across The Spider verse Review – Newt Wallen

It’s Newt reviewing a movie in his car at 3.00 am. But I’ve been thinking. This is actually a good idea from The Ideas Man. Not necessarily the car and time aspect but I mean reviewing new movies is a good idea. And he’s been doing this for some considerable time but I just haven’t really noticed.

But this is what people want. People want reviews of NEW movies. They don’t particularly want a review of some movie from 30 years ago. Especially when it’s a mainstream movie that they already know about and quite possibly already saw.

So this is another point for The Ideas Man. He reviews OBSCURE old movies. Tits and gore shit but at least it’s obscure. We’ve never heard of these movies before. So it’s like a new movie.

It’s a better idea than Rental Reviews or whatever it is Hack the Movies. So at least there’s that. And as far as execution goes, Newt actually brings some semblance of a review to these things. He talks about the actors and directors and shit and other things that they’ve done. Tony does that as well but I don’t know. I don’t think that he does it to the same extent as Newt does. I don’t think that Tony has the depth of cinema knowledge that Newt has.

Also, the personal ancedotes that Newt liberally inserts into his reviews is another good idea. I do it myself with the blog. That’s the only reason that anyone reads the blog. If I was just doing reviews where I said, “Okay, then Erin said this stupid thing. Then she said this stupid thing. Then she died for the 20th time”, that would get stale. But if I intersplice that sort of material with personal ancedotes about clogging the toilet or whatever, suddenly you have something worth reading.

People want to know something about the person. That’s what makes things interesting. You have to inject your own personality into whatever content you’re creating.

This is one of many reasons why Erin’s videos are so terrible, for example. What do we know about Erin? She once ate a hot dog and threw up. That’s about it. She’s a personality blackhole. She doesn’t let us into her life. Probably there’s nothing going on in her life. She’s never done anything. But that makes for extremely boring content.

Newt brings it. Newt brings his personal life and his struggles and his hopes and dreams into every fucking video. This is what makes the videos interesting. This is why Newt quickly became my number three most talked about subject (Erin being first, Cinemassacre being second). If he was just talking about movies, as Tony does, I’d be bored out of my fucking mind, as I am with Tony’s videos.

Anyway, just some observations before we get started with the video. Across the Spiderverse. I don’t give a shit. But let’s hear him out. Maybe he’s also going to talk about what he had for lunch or something.

0:00 – Newt says that he’s been at the theatre since 9:00 am and it’s now 3:00 the next day. I’m not an expert on employment law or anything but I just have a feeling that this isn’t allowed. An 18 hour work day? This has never been allowed in this history of employment. I don’t think that slaves worked 18 hours a day. Let me look this up.

Most results indicate 8 to 14 hours a week. But I found this:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Industrial_slave

I remember hearing about this in college. One of the arguments against the American Civil War that people have is, “Industrialisation would have ended slavery anyway.” Because with more modern farm equipment, you don’t need as many human beings to do the work.

But what these people fail to realise is exactly what that Wikipedia article talks about. They had slaves working in factories. The slaves were owned by the companies. There’s no reason why this couldn’t carry on. You could have had the Ford company or whatever making cars that are entirely the product of slave labour. As the article also points out, this was an extremely profitable enterprise. No labour costs.

And going further into the future, you could have slaves working in offices, whatever. The entire economy could have been run on slavery. Every industry. It was already happening. Slavery wasn’t confined to farm work.

7:30 – Wait…this is a cartoon? I don’t know anything about it.

I was interested in Spider-Man when I was between the ages of 11 and 15 or so but that’s about it. I never watched any cartoon. I think there was one in the 1990s or 2000s but I was too old for that shit by then. I just read the comics when I was 11 to 15.

But this movie seems rather derivative of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie…what was it called…Turtles Forever. I saw that a few years ago. I’m not sure why. But I liked it. They talked about this movie in a recent Pegwarmers.

This was a decent format for Pegwarmers. I didn’t mind this.

Anyway, back to Newt. He liked the movie because it brought up some themes that he could identify with and he started to get a little misty. Like the time that Newt got bit by a radioactive horse. I don’t know. I wasn’t really listening by the end of it. But he was saying something about he this cartoon really hit him in the feelings.

2 thoughts on “Across The Spider verse Review – Newt Wallen

  1. This guy cries at the drop of a hat reviewing these dumb movies. I see therapy is really helping him [eyeroll].

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