The description is, “65 year old Elvis and JFK’s brain in the body of an elderly black man must save their nursing home from a Mummy in cowboy boots.” None of this interests me even a tiny bit. So let’s check it out.
0:00 – “We’re in the new spot. No more kitchen. We are filming in the living room in my new apartment.”
I don’t know why people gave Newt shit for making the videos in his kitchen. Or why Newt found this so offensive.
The venue is totally irrelevant. Tony from Hack the Movies takes pride in his video store set but…why? If the set looks great, but the content sucks dick, the videos are going to be bad. Conversely, if the set is shit but the content is great, the videos are going to be good.
So it’s not the set that these people have to work on, it’s the content. I don’t want to hear Tony summarise a movie while a horse-faced woman talks about hot chicks. I don’t want to hear The Ideas Man talk about tits and gore movies. This is boring. Come on. Give the audience some credit. We’re not all retarded. I want to watch something half-way intelligent.
0:45 – “If you can hear my washer and dryer running, it’s in my kitchen.” He’s washing clothes so that he has a clean shirt for work tomorrow.
Well, here’s an interesting cultural thing that I can mention. Most of the world doesn’t have dryers. And I don’t mean just Haiti or Moldova or Cambodia or whatever. I’m talking about good countries. I don’t think it’s common anywhere in Europe to have clothes dryers.
I’ve never seen one in the UK. The closest I’ve seen is there was one place I was living that had a combination washer/dryer. So the same machine would do both. First, it would wash your clothes, then it would move on the drying cycle.
Otherwise, no dryers. I think dryers are only a thing in the US and possibly Canada. And who needs them? Not me.
It’s not like we’re all walking around wearing wet clothes either. Clothes dry on their own. Just hang them up. You can get one of those folding clothes horse things if you want to get fancy. But I just hang them up where ever. I’ll put a shirt on a hanger and put the hanger on a door knob or something. Or I’ll hang some jeans over a door. Shit like this. It gets done. The clothes are fine. Better than fine. They last longer when you don’t put them in a clothes dryer. Plus, all of the toxic chemicals and whatever that come from clothes dryers. I’m a little hazy on the details. But there’s some environmental impact from using clothes dryers.
So I’m saying that not having a dryer is actually better than having a dryer. The clothes last longer and it’s better for the environment. So I don’t miss dryers. Fuck dryers.
I’m seven minutes in. Newt is still talking about how wacky the movie is. I don’t care.
So what am I going to do here? Let’s look at his Twitter.
Absolutely nothing.
The video is still running. Newt is talking about breasts now. Fascinating, Newt.
You know what the biggest advantage the UK has over the US? Toilets that flush whatever you put in there. I couldn’t tell you how many times I’ve had toilets break and clog and whatever in the US. Hundreds of times.
In the UK? Zero. Not one time. It’s not that I’m shitting less. The toilets are just better. The plumbing is better.
It may seem like a minor point but it’s huge. When a toilet breaks or doesn’t flush, it’s a fucking nightmare. The water keeps rising, you have to get towels, then your towels are all contaminated with toilet water. Then you have to get a plunger and hope that you can force that excrement into the toilet. It never works the first time. It’s always an ordeal.
In the UK, not a problem. You can eat nothing but burritos, bran cereal, and laxatives and that toilet will flush whatever you put into it. All of it. First time, every time. It’s a huge improvement in your standard of living.
20:30 – Newt is talking about we need more mummy films. He said that he wrote a mummy script. I’m sure it’s awesome. Hippo Mummy or something. But he says that mummies are an underserved monster in cinema.
Ummm…maybe?
Oh, no. He gives the name of his mummy script. It wasn’t Hippo Mummy. That would be stupid. His “movie” is called, “I Saw Mummy Killing Santa Claus”. Hilarious stuff, Newt. And I’m sure the script is just as great as the title. It’s about a mummy Krampus. Yeah. Great. I can’t wait to see that one in the cinema. It’s going to get a global release, surely.
But mummy movies…Newt wants to know my favourite mummy movie. Well, I don’t have one. I don’t watch this shit. I’m an adult. But I’m just thinking broadly if he’s right that there aren’t as many mummy movies as other monsters. Maybe? There are surely more zombie movies. More vampire movies.
Let me look this up.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_mummy_films
Yeah, there aren’t many. And a lot of these look like shit. Comedies, for example. Even in the early days.
Oh, here’s an interesting one. The All New Adventures of Laurel & Hardy in For Love or Mummy. It was released in 1999 and based on the Laurel & Hardy mummy movie. It starred Bronson Pinchot as Stan Laurel.
I never heard of this. And I didn’t even know that Bronson Pinchot was still acting in 1999. He was Cousin Balki from Perfect Strangers, of course. And he also played a gay man in some police movie in the 1980s.
Oh, the whole movie is on Youtube. That’s Bronson Pinchot alright. And you can also learn Arabic while watching this version. Was this released in cinemas?
This was the first of only two non-Ernest P. Worrell films that Cherry, primarily an advertising executive, has ever directed, the other being Pirates of the Plain. Harmon earned writing and directing credits through the ownership of the Laurel and Hardy trademarks, which he had purchased in the 1960s. Another Harmon-owned character, Bozo the Clown, is mentioned in the film.
Interesting. This is the sort of thing that The Ideas Man should be talking about. Obscure cinema. Well, I guess that he does that. But obscure non-tits and gore cinema. INTERESTING obscure cinema.
Ernest from the Ernest Saves/Goes (whatever) movies was originally going to play Stan Laurel but had to decline due to his failing health.