Gamer Girls

Tony is hacking some movies and he’s with Horseface and the world’s greatest actor…Frank? Is that his name? Whatever his name, he’s a real dreamboat.

They’re outside for some reason. In front of a Batmobile. And they’re talking about the 1989 Batman movie. Another rare time when I’ve seen the movie that he’s talking about. This tends to happen when he dares to review a non-horror movie.

Frank is dressed as Robin. A sexy Robin. Although, any character that Frank plays is going to be sexy.

And Horseface is…I’m not sure yet.

Oh. She’s not wearing a costume. I thought maybe she was supposed to be Comet or something.

Who was that eight-legged horse? Odin’s horse? Yeah. Sleipnir. Why did I know that?

1:45 – Tony says that if they miss something in this video, don’t worry, it will be covered in the commentary tracks. You can get the commentary tracks on Patreon, presumably. So if this 1 hour and 45 minute “review” isn’t enough for you, don’t panic. You can get even more on Tony’s Patreon.

Who the fuck wants more? I want LESS. Give me a fucking 10 minute review. Twenty minutes at the absolute maximum. Nearly two hours? FUCK NO.

2:00 – Then there’s footage of Tony doing the commentary track with Kevin from Pegwarmers.

What happened to Pegwarmers? Since Screenwave abandoned podcasts, he’s been doing the show from his basement. It’s unwatchable. I don’t understand why he can’t get a table in there and have “guests” like he did before. And the audio is bad, if memory serves. Whatever.

4:45 – Tony says, “Directed by Tim Burton” and Horseface says “Woo!”

Really? She’s going to talk about how hot Tim Burton is? What does he even look like?

Jesus Christ. Horseface will literally talk about how hot ANYBODY is. It’s the only thing she can say. She can’t contibute anything else to any topic other than, “Woo! That’s person’s hot!”

Fuck off.

5:30 – Horseface is talking about how hot Jack Nicholson is.

6:45 – Now she’s talking about how hot Danny Elfman is.

I mean, she’s not expressly saying that these people are hot. But it’s implied. That’s the only thing that she can talk about.

7:30 – Now they’re talking about a horseback riding scene. Come on, Horseface. Talk about how hot the horse is. You can do it.

8:00 – Horseface is talking about how “hot and sexy” Kim Basinger is. Expressly.

9:15 – Tony is talking about a movie about prostitutes and Horseface gets excited and says that she wants to see it. She wants to see the hot prostitutes. Good contribution, Horseface.

You know what? I think I’m done.

Comments.

• “Where’s Nute? you’d think Nute would be in this one.”

Tony replies, “We kicked him off the show when we found out he stole other people’s work and treated us like shit. He admitted to all of this in one of his kitchen videos.”

I wonder what Newt could have possibly said to cause this kind of reaction.

• “I just wanna say, if you’re a grown woman who’s over 5’4″ and you weigh less than 130 pounds, you probably aren’t healthy. If you weigh 108 pounds, you’re most likely at death’s door.”

Was Horseface talking about her weight in this? Eugh. Pathetic.

• “I’m glad we finally got to see Crystal’s legs! Wish she was wearing shorts though.”
• “Love the episode reminds me of my film school days. Tony feels like a guy I would be best friends with. Also, I have a major crush on Crystal.”

These type of comments completely baffle me. Are they seeing the same Horseface that I’m seeing? That woman with the face of a horse and the jiggly arms? No thanks.

• “Frank as Robin is… making me have feelings rn”

Now this I can get behind. What a hunk! And such a great actor.

What has he been in lately?

https://www.imdb.com/name/nm3531665/

He was Patron #1 in the 2023 short film D’wize Guys. Oh, I’ve got to see that. I bet that he gives a tremendous performance.

He seems to do a lot of short films in the Philadelphia area. I guess that they’re student films or something.

No. You’re wasting your talents on this shit. You have to go to Hollywood. This is how you get seen. Get yourself an agent and start going to auditions. A sexy guy like Frank will have no trouble getting work.

I’m subscribed to this Fresh Out guy.

https://www.youtube.com/@FreshOutSeries

He told a story about going to an audition to be an underwear model. And his agent told him that if he wants the part, he’s going to have to take his underwear off during the audition.

So he gets to the audition and there are these three or however many fucking gay men doing the audition. And they tell him to come out. So he does so. Then they awkwardly wait for him to take his underwear off. Because apparently this is what most of the other people who came to this audition did. But this guy didn’t do it. So they thanked him for coming. He didn’t get the underwear modeling gig.

Imagine sexy boy Frank over there in Hollywood. Going to all of the casting couches. Hot! Am I right, Horseface? Hot stuff.

• “Damm Crystal’s thighs lookin thicc”

Never mind her thighs. Look at those thicc upper arms! Whoa! Did my pants just get tighter? This is my fetish. Jiggly upper arm fat.

So that’s another Hack the Movies review in the bag. I don’t want to toot my own horn but I think that I do a pretty good job on them. I really cover all of the important material that’s discussed in the videos. Now I’m going to go jack off to that very sexy Danny Elfman.