Bullshit Bozo the Clown *Nostalgia* from Mike Matei

9:15 – “Oh my god. I want a Bozo version of this. Dude, one of the outfits is Bozo, one of the outfits is Cooky, and then the last outfit you get, if you get all of the bottles, you get Wizzo. That’s what we need for NES hacks. You want to do NES hack sprite swaps? Give us a fucking Bozo — Bob Bell Bozo.”

Okay. If there’s one thing I know, it’s Bozo the Clown. When I was in pre-school or kindergarten, we made decorative plates. My decorative plate depicted Bozo, Cooky, and I believe Frazier Thomas.

I was on the show. I went to a taping. I was like seven years old. I don’t remember much about it.

I watched the show religiously. Every day before school. Then when it moved to Sundays, I watched it every Sunday. The show was cancelled when I was in my early 20s and I was still watching it. I was devastated when they cancelled it. I still get pissed off when I think about how those sleazy executives treated the show. First they reduced the time of the show from like two hours to one hour. Then they moved it to Sundays, which was obviously going to be the death of the program. But it was back to like three hours on Sundays. But then they cut it down to like an hour again. And then the inevitable cancellation happened.

They had a beloved show and they knew that they couldn’t just cancel it so they slowly eroded it to the point where people just stopped giving a shit.

About ten years ago, I saw that the widow of Roy Brown (the man who played Cooky) was selling some art that Roy Brown made. Garfield Goose paintings. They were on Ebay for like $150. I was so close to getting one but I don’t even know who fucking Garfield Goose is. It’s before my time. It’s a puppet character from The Bozo Show or Ray Rayner or something but from the 1970s, possibly up to the early 1980s. Anyway, I regret not getting a painting.

I’ve searched for episodes of the show many times. They’re just gone. The studio re-used the tapes so you have to rely on people who taped the show at home. Apparently, there’s a tape trading community but I’m not that big of a Bozo nerd to get involved in that.

Who was the man who played Bozo during my entire memory of the show? It wasn’t fucking Bob Bell. Bob Bell is before my time. It was Joey D’Auria. Bob Bell died in 1984, which is when Joey D’Auria took over.

And yet somehow, fucking Mike Matei, who’s two years younger than me, who was born in 1980, is all about Bob Bell.

FUCK YOU! You lying fucking piece of shit.

Why does he do this? Erin does the same fucking thing. They pretend to be *nostalgic* for things that they can’t possibly have remembered. Erin is particularly fond of feigning *nostalgia* for stuff that happened even before she was born.

There is no possible way that Mike remembers Bob Bell. If I don’t remember it, how can he? I was HUGE into Bozo. And that plate that I made depicting Frazier Thomas is, I believe, from the Bob Bell era. Because I don’t think, I might be wrong, but I don’t believe that Frazier Thomas was on the show during the Joey D’Auria era. Nevertheless, I have absolutely no memory of Bob Bell. None. Zero. And I’m two years older than Mike.

Hey guys! Remember The A-Team cartoon? Remember the Dungeons & Dragons cartoon?

No, Mike. I don’t. It’s before my time. Would you care to explain how you can remember this stuff but I don’t? You had a great memory as a three year old?

And now fucking Bob Bell. Fuck you.

Just the other day, I was looking for recent stuff on Joey D’Auria. He was on Let’s Make a Deal a few years ago.

Wayne Brady was born in 1972 so it’s likely that he remembers the Bob Bell era. Mike Matei, born in 1980? No. Fuck you.

I also had the Bozo Buckets game as a kid. The buckets would snap onto a strip of plastic so you go the right distance between them. That was great.

And I remember all of the various characters over the years. It started with Bozo (Joey D’Auria, of course), Cooky, Wizzo and the Bozo Band. The Bozo Band was a brass band. A bunch of old men.

Then they got rid of The Bozo Band and replaced them with Professor Andy Mitran and his electronic something. He had a bunch of those dancing flowers on it. It was just a keyboard/synthesizer thing. But it was an obvious cost-cutting measure. One of many that the show would be subjected to.

Oh, and there was Pat Hurley. He was like a replacement for Frazier Thomas. I don’t think he was a ringmaster but he was just a guy who would help out. There’s a video of CM Punk on the show and Pat Hurley is in it. Let me see if I can find it.

Unfortunately, that’s an edited version and it’s part of a news broadcast. The full clip used to be on Youtube.

And then after Roy Brown had his heart attack they brought in Spiffy. Spiffy was only there for a short time. A couple of years maybe.

And then I think shortly before they moved to Sunday, or possibly after they moved to Sunday, they brought in Rusty and also two lady clowns Tunia and Pepper. Pepper didn’t last long and Tunia lasted only a little while longer. They just kept getting rid of the fucking clowns to save money.

But I do remember an odd exchange between Bozo and…either Pepper or Tunia, I don’t remember. But somehow the topic of mud wrestling came up. One of these women made a comment about mud wrestling. And then Bozo got horny and asked her to talk more about mud wrestling.

By the end of the show’s run, it was just Rusty and Bozo. Wizzo had dropped off at some point before the Sunday Show. He was Marshall Brodien. That’s why one of the prizes during Bozo Buckets was a Marshall Brodien magic kit. It was just promotion of his stuff.

Bob Bell? No. No memories of Bob Bell.

I have a hazy memory of him dying and Joey D’Auria starting. But I don’t remember him as Bozo. And if somebody asks me about Bozo, I’m going to tell them about Joey D’Auria. That’s the only Bozo I remember.

But not Mike Matei, born in 1980. He’s all about Bob Bell. That’s his era. That’s his Bozo. Go fuck yourself.

3 thoughts on “Bullshit Bozo the Clown *Nostalgia* from Mike Matei

  1. Mike lies again eh?
    Which reminds me, these rumors of Mike being rich, owning several cars, being retired etc. Do we have any reliable sources on any of this? Or is it just more lies Mike has said?

    Why does he need three cars if he rarely drives anywhere? Why does he keep on streaming when it becomes a chore? Seems like he’s dependent on the revenue it gets him.
    And where is this house he supposedly owns? I only see that gaming room in his videos, he could be living in an apartment or his parents basement for all we know.

    1. I never believed the rumours about Mike inheriting millions of dollars or whatever. Where does this come from? He said that his mother was an airline stewardess. It doesn’t suggest great wealth to me.

      I believe that Mike himself said that he has two cars, though. And I seem to recall him posting pictures of them. One was a new Ford Mustang, I believe. I don’t know if they were his. He didn’t show the registration. Maybe this is all a big scam. But I’m inclined to believe that he made a fair amount of money off of his autistic friend James Rolfe.

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