Gamer Girls

This is awkward as fuck. I made it to two minutes and then decided that I have to do an article on this.

Beast in Black is a band whose lead singer is like a Finnish Tiny Tim. And according to Wikipedia, they do “power metal”, which, presumably, is a genre still popular in Finland.

Who the fuck would want to listen to this? Some faggot singing “power metal” in falsetto?

Oh, wait. The singer is Greek? I guess? But the band seems to be based in Finland.

One of the suggested questions on Google is, “Does Beast in Black have a female singer?”

No. That’s a fucking guy. Apparently. A guy who sounds like a woman.

Let me try another video. Maybe the first two that I listened to just weren’t very good.

No, this is…this is embarrassing. It’s this gay man singing in falsetto about, like, Dungeons & Dragons shit. Murder and destruction and whatnot. This is music for angry 13 year old boys in 1977. But apparently, this band was formed in 2015. Some of the band members look pretty old, though. So I don’t know what’s going on.

I can see Jimmy liking this shit, though. His musical tastes haven’t evolved since he was 14 and listening to Judas Priest, while in special education.

0:00 –

Jimmy: Loving the stuff. Yeah. Just love the music.

Guy: Oh, I appreciate that.

Jimmy: Yeah. I listen to them all again on the road. I was listening to them going down to a convention. Magfest. I don’t know if you’ve heard of that one.

Guy: Doesn’t ring a bell.

Jimmy: Yeah. It’s in the DC area. It’s a big music and gaming…festival.

Guy: Hmm.

Jimmy: Yeah, I introduced you to a lot of guys there too, like, “You have to hear Beast in Black. It’s awesome.”

Guy: Cool. Thanks very much.

It’s so fucking awkward. On so many levels.

First of all, none of these guys know what James is talking about and they don’t give a fuck.

And Jimmy is talking to them like…of course they don’t know what fucking Magfest is. They don’t know what the “DC area” is either. Are you talking about Washington DC? English isn’t these guys’ native language. And they’re not intimately acquainted with American geography.

Finally, Magfest IS NOT a music festival. It’s for fucking video games. It’s a nerd convention. But Jimmy is trying to impress these complete nobodies about what a rock and roll superstar he is and it’s awkward as fuck.

0:30 –

Guy: Your place looks a lot more rock and metal than our place.

Jimmy: Yeah. It’s just a spot where I record stuff and usually do Zoom calls and everything.

More cringe. Jimmy is in a room that has Led Zeppelin posters on the wall and there are a bunch of guitars and speakers behind him. And then he says, “Oh, yeah. Don’t mind all of the guitars, speakers, and 1970s rock paraphernalia. This is just where I do my Zoom calls. Nothing special.”

Meanwhile, the guys who are actual musicians have a plain background.

Jimmy is also wearing a Led Zeppelin t-shirt, by the way. Under his Mr Rogers cardigan.

0:45 –

Guy: So you’re a musician as well? Because I think I know you the least, in a way, from the guys. To be honest.

Jimmy: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I guess aspiring musician. I play music to only really get closer to the music and get a closer understanding to it. It gives me more appreciation to everything that I listen to.

He literally has FIVE guitars in the background. “Oh, no. I’m not really a musician. I’m just…you know…this is my all-purpose room. For Zoom calls and whatever. What gave you the idea that I was interested in music? The $20,000 in recording equipment? No. I just like to tinker.”

Then Jimmy threatens that he’s working on a album of cover “medleys” of “video game tunes”. Eugh. Stop all of this. Sell those fucking guitars and shit and put the money in the bank for any childrearing costs that may arise.

1:30 –

Guy: You mean with the Rex Viper thing?

Jimmy: Yeah. That’s right, yeah.

Yeah. The Rex Viper thing. That fucking pile of crap. The guy couldn’t even bring himself to call it a band. I know that there’s a language barrier but this is fucking hilarious. Because their English isn’t perfect, they’re more honest. They lack the tools to cover up their true thoughts with flowery language. They’re just interested in getting their point across so it’s more blunt and truthful.

I think that I’ve figured out who’s who, by the way. The guy on the left is the Greek guy. The singer. The guy in the middle is the Finnish guy. And the guy on the right is the Hungarian guy.

2:45 – These guys are talking about how they made a video game. The Hungarian guy says that he only likes older stuff, from the 8 and 16 bit eras. Then James says, “Yeah. I’m pretty limited when it comes to newer stuff but…yeah, the old stuff. Uhhh…yeah, yeah, I love it.”

This guy can’t have a fucking conversation to save his life.

And why is he doing all of these interviews anyway? This is why he stopped the fucking podcast. He acknowledged that he can’t speak. But he has no problem doing all of these interviews.

And compare these interviews to the podcast. For the interviews, he’s always switched on and engaged. As switched on as James can get, anyway. But for the podcast, it was like James was given a full lobotomy. He didn’t want to be there. He didn’t want to talk to anybody. It was like he doing the podcast under duress. Like Ryan had his family tied up somewhere and wouldn’t release them until James recorded some podcast episodes.

That Hungarian guy is 42. Must be some rough living in Hungary.

3:30 – Jimmy is telling some insane story about how he compares himself to characters in film, based on age. So he’ll compare himself to a character who’s 42 years old, for example, when Jimmy is 42. It’s so fucking stupid. I have a hard time understanding what he’s talking about and my English is perfect.

Then he starts going on about some character from The Exorcist who’s 42. He gives the name of the character. He gives the name of the director.

Then you cut to the these three guys. They have NO IDEA what he’s talking about.

I have to stop this. I’m sorry. I made it to 6:00.

James can not talk and these guys are not interviewers. They’re a band. What the fuck is this? So it’s just a bunch of awkward people saying, “yeah”.

This needs to never happen again. Screenwave does not have James’ best interests at heart. They keep sending him out to do these horrible things that damage the brand.

James Rolfe is a fucking no fooling retard. Prop him up for the AVGN episodes, make him read the lines, and that’s it. Don’t ever send him out to do something that isn’t scripted. He fails miserably every fucking time and you know it.

Where is his wife for all of this? Why would his wife not have James’ best interests at heart? They’re her best interests as well. James is her meal ticket. If James is out on the street, she’s out on the street.