Eugh. This is one of like five streams where Erin is “practicing” Splatterhouse. The description reads:
“I’ve been practicing Splatterhouse on TG-16 because I’d like to beat it eventually! Lot’s of progress was made this stream and it was a lot of fun. Enjoy! Playing on the MiSTER.”
Why not play it in your spare time like a normal person? Why does every single time that she plays a game have to be on stream, for money?
And she mentions that she’s playing on the “MiSTER”. Whatever that is. Some Raspberry Pi thing. Mike talked about this before. He bought the parts over the course of years and eventually put it together. It cost hundreds of dollars. Seems a good use of your time and money. Why not just use an emulator like a normal person?
So yeah. Erin is all about the “MiSTER”. She’s a real gamer.
Also in this description is a promo code for 15% off some t-shirt website. But here’s a spoiler for you, you can just go to the website, not click her link, and the site will immediately prompt you to enter your email address in order to get 15% off your order. So this promo code doesn’t do shit. It solely exists so that Erin can get a few pennies from people who click the link.
And the link isn’t even clickable. Zero Effort Erin couldn’t be bothered to make the link clickable.
0:00 – “Hello. I was going to say ‘Happy (whatever day it is)’ but I don’t know what day it is.”
This is another thing that she rips off from Mike. Mike regularly says that he doesn’t know what day it is. Because he doesn’t have a fucking job. That’s what happens when you’re long-term unemployed.
Then she edits some stuff out. All it was her doing her Romper Room routine where she says hello to all of the horntards. And she thanked the horntards for complimenting her on her start up screen. Why would this have to be edited out? It was like 15 seconds. And she didn’t say anything too stupid.
0:15 – “I did a video on this four or five years ago. And I played the MAME version.”
Oh. You mean the arcade version? MAME is an emulator. She has no idea what any of this is.
She’s drinking some disgusting beverage, by the way. Can’t you finish your drink before you stream?
“When it comes to the TurboGrafx-16 version, I don’t think that I’ve ever beaten it.”
That’s a fair bet. Show us the stream. She said a few seconds earlier that she played the game for a Youtube video. Did you beat it there? Then no, you never beat it.
Then she edits some more stuff out. A horntard asks her what she’s drinking. It’s coffee. Then she says that it’s half regular coffee, half decaf. Then something about creamer. Then CoffeeMate. Then brown cookie butter. It’s not super sweet. WHO FUCKING CARES?
She says that the arcade version is the one that she played the most. So…for that one Youtube video. Why not just admit it? Why the constant obfuscation?
A horntard asks her to do a compilation of her best videos this year. Erin says that that’s a good idea. She continues, “Unfortunately I didn’t do as many videos this year as I would have liked to, due to carpal tunnel and stuff.”
Nine videos. She made nine Youtube videos this year. A real step down from the 52 that she’s made in years past. She’s done with Youtube. And carpal tunnel is a complete lie, of course.
A horntard asks if she has a Discord. She says that she doesn’t but she plans to start one this year. She’s going to need Wolfmaster’s help. Wolfmaster is one of the horntards.
Somebody says, “Why does Rick suck bad in the demo? He can’t hit anything.”
Erin replies, “I don’t know. It’s funny because usually in demos the person playing it is flawless and then you feel like shit when you try to play it.”
WHAT? No it isn’t. It’s extremely common for the demo play to be unbelievably bad. I can’t think of ANY game that had amazing gameplay in the demo.
She doesn’t have a fucking clue what she’s talking about. She doesn’t know anything about video games. So this is yet another example of Erin pretending to know what she’s talking about and failing hard.
This has all been edited out of the Youtube video, by the way.
Erin’s favourite Christmas movie is Just Friends. I’ll just link to the Wikipedia article if you want to see for yourself just how fucking retarded of an answer this was.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Just_Friends
1:00 – So then we’re back to the Youtube video. She demonstrates the slide kick. She apparently “remembered” how to do it.
2:00 – The worst Splatterhouse gameplay ever recorded. She’s at the end “boss” of the first level. It’s snakes that jump out. All you have to do is crouch and kick them. You stand in one spot. But instead of staying crouched, she keeps standing back up again after kicking. Why? Why not just stay crouched? If you stay crouched, you won’t get hit.
Then she dies. Terrible, terrible gameplay. And this is her THIRD stream of this game. She’s played this game for four hours already. On stream, for money.
Now, four hours of playing a game isn’t a long time for a normal person but for Erin it is. And Erin said that she fully expects to beat this game.
How is she possibly going to do it? Many games require hours and hours and hours of practice. But she’s so unfamiliar with video games that she thinks that all video games can be beaten just within the first couple of hours of playing them. And somebody with fucking Erin’s skill level.
It’s ridiculous. She knows nothing about video games.
Why doesn’t she just play with save states? Nobody would care. Nobody expects pro gaming from fucking Erin Plays. And this way, she’d be able to get through the game. Just save after every successful hit. Reload any time you get hit. It would be fucking terrible but nobody would care. Are her current streams not already terrible?
But no, Erin has to pretend to be a pro gamer.
4:15 – “My eye itches. Why does it have to itch now?”
Have you considered pausing the game? Erin “always” “forgets” that games can be paused.
5:00 – Now she’s at the poltergeist “boss” of level 2. She dies. “I still haven’t figured out a fool-proof way of getting them when both of those knives are coming at you at the same time.”
Really? Even after four whole hours of playing the game, on stream, for money? Maybe you should try practicing in your spare time.
It’s a fairly easy boss, by the way. I haven’t played the game in 20 years and I didn’t even play much of this game but I bet that I could beat it on my first attempt.
Then she dies again. Terrible gameplay.
I’m supposed to watch this for two hours? No. That’s not happening.
7:15 – “Oh no. Where’s my little board.”
It’s a two-by-four. Erin is so unfamiliar with video games that she doesn’t know what a two-by-four is. I know that it’s a construction material, of course, but isn’t it a staple in video games? I’m trying to think of other games that have two-by-fours. I don’t know. Maybe I only know the term from Hacksaw Jim Duggan.
8:00 – “Yeah, I wish there were more Splatterhouse games.”
Why? More games that you won’t play?
She’s back at this level two boss again, by the way.
By sheer luck, she managed to beat it. Barely.
9:00 – “Hello, Sergio. I am good. How are you?”
Why does he always ask that? Does Erin ever give a different answer?
9:15 – “Ah. I forgot about the dog.”
Uh huh. Erin “always” “forgets” about the dog.
And this is a game that she just played fucking recently. Like three days earlier. On stream, for money.
11:00 – Oh yeah. I think that this is pretty much as far as I got in the game. This hooded guy with the chainsaws for hands. I beat him a few times but, I don’t know, the game just isn’t fun after him. It gets too difficult.
11:30 – “You beat Splatterhouse 2, Mike? That’s the one that I think is the hardest.”
She has no fucking clue. She doesn’t know any of these games. She only played them briefly, on stream, for money. Once.
14:00 – Yeah. The next level is auto-scrolling and has those disgusting foetus enemies. This is definitely where I stopped playing.
15:00 – Somebody asks if Erin can think of any New Years Eve games.
Don’t wrack your brain, Erin. The answer is “no”.
“I don’t know. I can’t think of any.”
You don’t say. What about Baby Upa or whatever that game is that Erin always mentions for every question? Oh, here it is.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bio_Miracle_Bokutte_Upa
Bio Miracle Bokutte Upa. Definitely one of my favourite games. And Erin’s too. She mentions is constantly. She played it once, on stream, for money. So now it’s her favourite. She loves that game. It makes her happy. Played it once.
“There must be some. It’s a good question, though.”
And a bad answer. As usual. Why do these fucking retards ask her video game questions? Or ANY question? She NEVER gives a good answer. She always just says, “I don’t know”, “I never played that”, “I never saw that”, “I never ate that”, whatever.
There are a few pathetic threads on Reddit about video games to play on New Years but the answers are always, “I just play whatever.” Great response, asshole.
I remember playing Team Fortress 2 one New Years and at the stroke of midnight, some nerd started firing rockets into the air. Probably one of the most pathetic New Years that I ever had.
15:30 – She’s at that hall of mirrors part. Yeah, I definitely got this far. I remember the doppelgangers coming out. You have to slide kick into them. But it’s just not fun. I never particularly liked the game to begin with. But I still played it.
16:15 – “I forgot if I slid here or not.”
Erin “always” “forgets” if she slides here or not.
16:45 – “I did get Taylor Swift tickets. Very happy.”
Surely, Mike is not going to go to this shit. It’s preposterous.
If you’re in a relationship, MAYBE you have to subject yourself to such humiliation. Do things that the other person likes to do. MAYBE. Personally, I think that going to a Taylor Swift concert would be a step too far.
But Mike is PAYING for this shit. He’s paying for Erin. This is a sugarbaby situation. Fucking sugardaddies don’t have to do anything that they don’t want to do. He doesn’t have to take Erin’s feelings into consideration. If she wants to go to a Taylor Swift concert, he can pay for the tickets (of course, that’s his job) but she can go by herself. Or she can make a fucking friend and go with the friend.
What about going with another guy? I don’t think that Mike is into that kind of stuff but who knows? Maybe she can go with one of the horntards. Get Bitch Duo to go. At least that way you know that there won’t be any sex taking place. Bitch Duo is like a eunuch.
Or Mike is going to go. He’s going to be there singing along to Taylor Swift’s greatest hits. Like…umm…let me check Youtube.
Blank Space? Oh this is fucking cringe. Mike is going to commit suicide at this thing. Let’s just get back to Splatterhouse.
“I was on TicketMaster for like six hours. It was so stressful.”
Everything is stressful for Erin. Even buying tickets to a concert using another person’s money is stressful for her.
Tickets are $300 to $500 each. Do the horntards feel good about themselves? Giving money to Erin so that she can spend it on shit like this? And it’s not her money, of course, Mike paid but it’s the same people giving Mike money. Don’t give him money because this is what he’s spending it on. This fucking braindead, fraud sugarbaby.
17:15 – Yeah, and this boss head thing. This is definitely the last part of the game that I got to. I know I keep saying that but seriously this time. Or maybe not. I probably used save states and that’s how I was able to get past shit.
Anyway, it’s also the part of the game that Erin can’t get past. But she’s only played the game for about four hours in her life. Maybe if she continues to “practice”, on stream, for money, eventually she’ll get past it. After like fifty streams.
17:45 – “Yeah, it’s totally Mad Balls.”
Erin was reading from the chat. Remember Mad Balls?
I do remember Mad Balls, Erin. But…do you? They were released in like 1986. Erin was born in 1986 or 1987. Let me look this up.
It was 1985. Erin remembers a toy that was released before she was born.
Which ones did I have? I had the purple cyclops and the eyeball. The eyeball had to be the most popular one.
I wonder which Mad Balls Erin had. You know, back before she was born. Back when she was a concept. Her parents were debating whether or not to have children. Perhaps Mrs Plays was lonely and then Mr Plays suggested getting a dog.
Maybe Erin was a surprise. Because they only had the one child. And look at how little they did with Erin. They did no parenting whatsoever. Erin has never done anything in her entire fucking life. Those parents have a lot to answer for. Their gross neglect caused this monster to be created. A monster who releases nothing but tedium into the world.
Anyway, Erin then complains about ticket prices from scalpers. She suggests that people on StubHub shouldn’t be allowed to sell tickets “over a certain threshold.” Uh huh. Good idea, Erin. Let’s make that a rule. “No selling tickets over a certain threshold.”
You want to fucking think this through a little? Give us some figures. They shouldn’t be able to sell over…what? Ten percent of the purchase price? Twenty percent? Give us some fucking ideas.
Then somebody suggests that it’s easier to get tickets than a PS5. Erin says, “Right? Isn’t that bullshit? The PS5 has been out for, what, almost three years? Right? And it’s like, you still don’t see it anywhere.”
Well, Erin certainly doesn’t. But she’s not looking for it. They don’t sell too many PS5s at Forever 21 or The Lunch Box or whatever fucking stores Erin pretends to go to.
The Lunch Box. She’s hanging out in the loose meat sandwich restaurant from Roseanne. And “loose meat”. I’ve never heard that term outside of the show. I’ve only heard “sloppy joe”. And I had a neighbour who said “Manwich” as a kid. What the fuck. Brainwashed by corporate propaganda. They only eat them if they use the official Manwich spice packet.
Oh. What the fuck? It’s not even a spice packet. It’s canned…meat? Oh, no. It’s canned tomatoes and sauce. You add this to ground beef.
My mother used some spice packet. But you don’t even need that shit. Here’s the recipe that I use.
https://www.allrecipes.com/recipe/24264/sloppy-joes-ii/
Beef, onion, pepper, ketchup, brown sugar, mustard, garlic powder, salt, and pepper. That’s it. And I omit the mustard. Ketchup is actually the main ingredient in all of the sloppy joe recipes that I’ve seen. You put like a cup of that shit on there. You don’t need a spice packet or a fucking can of shit. Just ketchup. That’s all that the dish is. Ketchup on meat. Enjoy.
19:30 – Erin is still going on about Ticketmaster. “It’s been a problem forever. Like remember in the 90s when Pearl Jam tried to boycott them?”
No, Erin. I don’t give a shit. Actually, I think that I do remember but I still don’t give a shit.
20:30 – She died and then read a comment from the chat. “Does the cleaver help you much here? I don’t know.”
Well, of course you don’t. But just common sense would tell anybody that of course it helps. I don’t know if it does any more damage than your fists but it clearly gives you more reach. Erin doesn’t even know this much. She knows NOTHING about video games.
Then she died again. I don’t want to watch any more. But does she ever get past this? Let me check.
1:35:15 – She does. I was supposed to watch that for over an hour?
Erin is absolutely incapable of making any of these easy jumps. I have no idea why. But I’m turning this off now. It ends in 10 minutes anyway. She doesn’t get much further than this.
Comments.
- “Randomly wondering if you played any of the retro Metroid games.”
Have you seen her stream the game before? Then no. Why don’t these retards get it?
“Jan. 2nd was the 6th anniversary of my channel and I’m so grateful for everyone who watches my videos or streams. In 2022 I didn’t release as many videos as I would’ve liked, but so far I’m feeling more optimistic about 2023 and very inspired. It’s a nice feeling.”
“And it blows my mind that some of you have been with me since 2017! Making YouTube videos can be quite an emotional, mental and sometimes even physical roller coaster, but I love what I do. Even when editing makes me want to slam my head on the desk. Thanks for watching!”
Uh huh. She loves what she does. What would that be? Conning retards out of pennies? Pretending to enjoy video games?
This is not a job, Erin. If you were relying on your Twitch and Youtube revenue and not leeching off of Mike, you’d be on the streets. You can’t live on $3,000/year or whatever you make.
And people in the comments always ask, “Why don’t you get more views, Erin? I can’t understand it.”
Because her content sucks dick. What’s not to understand? This is CLEARLY a fraud. A fraud with negative charisma. A middle aged, average-looking fraud with negative charisma. You should be asking how she gets as many views as she does. Is the mentally retarded community really that large?
Hey guys! Remember when Tom Green and Drew Barrymore’s shared house burned down every three months.
No. No I don’t, Erin. And you were like six years old when they were married. Let me get the exact year.
It was 2001. That’s later than I thought. So Erin would have been about 15. Alright, whatever.
But no, I don’t remember their house burning down. I don’t give a shit about washed up 1990s/2000s celebrities.
Hey, just to provide a little insight into why some people prefer the MiSTER, it is an FPGA, basically hardware emulation. Emulation by nature of translation instructions from one machine to another has a little bit of latency, and can be prone to inaccuracies. FPGAs literally modify their internal circuitry with software to emulate what the old machines did on a hardware level.
You end up getting much more accurate gameplay. If you’ve ever heard of the “electrons move through reality” Ryan meme, he’s trying to describe an FPGA.
That said, the practical differences are super minor for most people, and as for me, I just emulate (Big fan of the Steam Deck for emulation).