This Beach Resort has a VIDEO GAME CONVENTION?! – John Riggs

Let’s see how much John Riggs eats while his poor wife is left home with the deeply troubled kids.

He’s in Florida. I don’t why he didn’t just put that in the title instead of this weak attempt at click bait. “Really Rad Weekend” is the name of this nerd convention.

0:30 – John Riggs tries to get a squirrel to run up his leg. What? Why? They’re diseased. And has he never seen a squirrel before? They must have them in Washington.

0:45 – Yeah. Before we even get to the nerd convention, they stopped to get something to eat. They’re at McGuire’s Irish Pub. It’s so sad that “Irish Pub” is used to name bars in the US. I’ve seen it myself. There’s nothing Irish about these places. The proprietor isn’t Irish. The staff aren’t Irish. None of the customers are Irish. And in this case, McGuire isn’t even an Irish name. So why not call the place something else? Anything else? Just take the words “Irish” and “pub” out of it. Call it “McGuire’s Tavern” You’re done. That was easy.

Then John Riggs asks what the “green thing” on the end of his straw is. That’s how you know you’re in an Irish pub, you fucking retard. They put unnecessary green shit in your drinks. Just like how they do it in Ireland.

1:00 – John Riggs eats this green thing, not knowing what it is. He doesn’t give a fuck. If it looks edible, he’ll eat it.

1:15 – Then he shows the ceiling. It’s covered in dollar bills. Just like in Ireland.

Oh, I should have mentioned what John Riggs is drinking. Root beer. Root beer is all the rage in Ireland.

In all seriousness, root beer does not exist in any form in Ireland or the UK or anywhere outside of the US and Canada, as far as I’m aware.

3:30 – There’s like a nine year old girl doing “caricatures” for donations. So John Riggs gets one done and…I mean…I know that she’s nine years old but…this looks like shit. She spent two seconds on this. It’s just a scribble. I never ask for my money back for anything but in this case, I’d make an exception.

4:45 – John Riggs is talking to some fat chick in a stupid costume about a “potato restaurant”. So this is really combining a lot of John Riggs’ interests: perving on the ladies and food.

11:00 – Some guy is showing John Riggs some salted snacks and John Riggs is getting really excited.

13:00 – Now John Riggs is drinking something. Some “craft beer”.

13:45 – So after drinking that beer, John Riggs does his panel. There are maybe ten people at this panel. The panel topic is so fucking stupid that I won’t even say what it is.

And he devoted about 15 seconds of this video to the panel. Even though this was the whole reason for him going. Well, theoretically this was the reason. The real reason was to escape his wife and family, try to have sex with fat chicks with blue hair, and eat a lot of food.

16:00 – John Riggs is cosplaying as…I don’t know. Some character from Mega Man. And he talks about how awesome it is to walk around in public like this. Any normal person would be highly embarrassed but not John Riggs.

So he was the “MC” of some “cosplay contest” but he doesn’t even show any of the fucking costumes. He was too busy jerking off to fat chicks with blue hair dressed in slutty anime and video game costumes.

16:45 – Now John Riggs is looking for food. This is what he does. If he’s not eating, he’s looking for things to eat.

So they’re at some bar/restaurant thing and John Riggs orders a pink drink with a couple of other fellows who also ordered pink drinks. Uh huh. Will you boys be sharing a hotel room as well?

19:00 – There’s footage of John Riggs selling his shitty cereal book that’s just full of copyrighted pictures. The customers are all great big fat guys who never had sex with a woman.

20:00 – John Riggs is eating a chocolate bar.

Now he’s looking at half a pizza.

21:00 – John Riggs is talking to the world’s most obnoxious gay man.

22:30 – John Riggs creeping on some skank nerd in a costume.

YupKat. This woman brings shame to her family for a thousand generations. You have to REALLY try to be a fat Asian woman. And then she’s in this stupid fucking costume to try to get a date with these corpulent nerds.

What the fuck? Is this even a woman? I think it’s a guy. Can we get some birth pronouns, please? Yeah. This has to be a guy. Well, John Riggs would still have sex with it.

I don’t know. The voice sounds convincingly feminine. What the fuck.

My policy is, if I can’t be sure if it’s a man or a woman, I play it safe and move on.

23:15 – Some nerd is selling crocheted boobs. He working his way up to making an entire crocheted girlfriend.

Oh, it’s actually a woman who made these. A real woman? Now I don’t know what to believe after that last man/woman. I’m questioning everything.

John Riggs actually bought these crocheted boobs. They’re boobs on one side and some weird face on the other side. So…like if you had boobs on the back of your head. And were some kind of flower-person. Is this a reference to something or just this woman’s insane crocheted fantasy?

26:15 – We’re in the home stretch now. John Riggs is eating. He’s in some bar/restaurant. He seems to really like bar/restaurants. He’s there with an Asian…man? I assume it’s a man. But maybe it isn’t. Who can tell any more? Is John Riggs a man? I don’t know.

Oh, it’s a Japanese restaurant. It’s called McGuire’s Sushi and Steaks. Wasn’t that “Irish pub” also McGuire’s? Yeah. McGuire must be multi-racial. He’s Irish. He’s Japanese. He’s Scottish.

John Riggs says that he’s never had a wagyu filet mignon. Wow. A food that John Riggs has never had before. This is a rare occurrence. So he says that he’s going to split this with his Japanese friend. Like a gay man.

I mean, this is $50 so I understand that it’s expensive but…just don’t get it then. Order something else. Don’t split the meal like a fucking homosexual. Are you going to feed it to each other too? He actually did this earlier in the video.

27:15 – Here’s footage of Nintendrew (whoever that is) in a FLAMING gay suit. Who would go out in public like this? Even John Riggs called him out on this earlier in the video.

27:30 – So they ate the meal. Right. It was filet mignon. And then right after they ate the meal, John Riggs and his homosexual buddies went to that Irish pub and did Irish stuff. Like getting your fortune told by a mechanical leprechaun. And drinking some green alcoholic beverage.

And John Riggs is there with that world’s most obnoxious faggot who we saw earlier in the video.

John Riggs is eating an entire other meal. A “mushroom pie” and that Japanese guy gave him John Riggs some of his Irish sushi. HOW MUCH FOOD CAN JOHN RIGGS EAT? Two fucking meals back to back?

The video ends with John Riggs at the beach, watching the tide come and go, while contemplating suicide. He’s slowly trying to eat himself to death. It’s just sad.

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