Gamer Girls

This is nearly two hours. It’s one of her fake carpal tunnel syndrome streams. I’m just going to breeze through it. Try to listen to as much of this as I can. I’m going to try to comment as little as possible. Just do this in one article. But I skimmed and at some point, pretty late in the video, she starts talking about Britney Spears. So I’ll have to be sure to mention that.

0:00 – She says that she’s streaming at 4:19 in the morning. Hello, unemployment.

Then she apologises for the shitty camera. It’s true. It’s IMPOSSIBLE to read anything. It’s complete shit. She put no effort into this, as per usual.

5:00 – “During 2002, I didn’t have a Gamecube and I was pretty busy with school and music stuff so I was pretty much just playing, you know, I’d got back to my Super Nintendo and N64 but I was playing a lot of Game Boy Advance. So that’s what I was playing.”

Uh huh. But you said that you were busy with school and “music stuff”. So why were you playing anything? What’s the truth?

The truth is that she wasn’t busy with anything and she wasn’t playing any games. She has no interest in that. She was just staring at a wall all day.

6:15 – Shishi is in the chat. At 4:00 in the morning. How is it that he’s ALWAYS there? At any hour, day or night, every day? How is it possible? How does he get notified? Does Erin personally send him a message?

And he clearly doesn’t have a job. His entire life revolves around Erin Plays and her unbelievably shitty “content”. He’s there every fucking time. He has nothing else going on in his life. He’s never working. He’s never at a doctor’s appointment. He’s never going grocery shopping. He’s there for every single stream.

7:15 – She reads a letter about Animal Crossing, obviously written by a child, and she has NO IDEA what this guy is talking about. None. She gives her usual, bizarre, pointless, generic response. I won’t type it all out because it’s too stupid.

8:15 – Then she turns the page. “So more pictures. I don’t know what they are.”

They’re pictures of Animal Crossing. Two have the boy from Animal Crossing and one has one of the villagers. She doesn’t recognise this. She has NO IDEA what Animal Crossing is. Never played it. Never saw any videos of it. Never read anything about it. And yet, on the previous page, she read a letter about Animal Crossing and pretended to know what the game was about.

No. Complete lies, as usual from Erin.

8:30 – Then she turns the page and says, “Ooh, more pictures. This Super Mario RPG one is really nice.”

She’s only able to identify stuff if it’s labelled. In this case, the words “Super Mario RPG” are on the picture. That’s why she knew the game. If it’s not labelled, she has no fucking idea what it is. This is that Star Trek t-shirt stream all over again.

She also recognised Shadow from Sonic the Hedgehog for the same reason. The kid who drew the picture labelled the character. Erin just read it. If that girl didn’t label the picture, Erin would have no fucking idea. She would have called him Sonic. No question about it.

9:45 – Next page. It’s an ad. Megaman & Bass. She reads the names. Fortunately, they’re labelled. But she doesn’t know if it’s “Bass” as in the fish or “Bass” as in the instrument. So she pronounces it both ways to cover all of the bases. Too bad they don’t give the phonetic spelling. That would have really helped Erin.

“I don’t know anything about this game but there’s an ad for it.”

Riveting stuff, Erin.

Then a horntard tells her the correct pronunciation.

10:30 – Then Erin tells a boring story from her childhood where she told a girl that she took bass lessons and she mispronounced “bass” four times.

12:00 – There’s a best selling games chart. So Erin just reads the fucking chart. Oh my god. This is awful. She doesn’t know any of the fucking games so she can’t comment on anything. She’s reading the fucking chart.

12:45 – “I wish I liked Animal Crossing. I tried. I just can’t get into it.”

She didn’t recognise the villager boy from Animal Crossing. Or one of the villagers. And this was all on a page that was about Animal Crossing. So she couldn’t even guess that these pictures were of Animal Crossing.

And yet she wants us to believe that she played Animal Crossing. She knows absolutely nothing about the game.

“I think it’s cute-looking.”

Fuck you.

“Super Mario Sunshine is number 10. That’s one Mario game that I have yet to play.”

You don’t say. She doesn’t stream Gamecube games so of course she hasn’t played it.

13:15 – “Sonic Mega Collection. Oh, I forget that Sonic stuff started coming out on the Gamecube.”

Uh huh. Erin “always” “forgets” that Sonic stuff came out on the Gamecube.

“So I guess that it was appropriate that there was Sonic fan art. What do I know? I don’t know anything.”

Indeed, Erin. Even though she was being sarcastic, she was dead on. She knows NOTHING about video games. Nothing. She knows nothing about ANYTHING.

Then somebody asks if she played the recent Disney game that’s similar to Animal Crossing. You’ll never guess her answer.

No. Of course she hasn’t played it. Have you seen her stream it? Then she hasn’t played it, you fucking retards. What aren’t you getting?

14:30 – The second chart that she’s going to read and say nothing about any of the games is entitled, “Player’s Choice.” She doesn’t know what this means. She even says this. She has to guess what it means, even though there’s an asterisk after “Choice” and if you go to the bottom of the page, it surely tells you what this means.

But the bigger issue is that Erin says that she’s a big Nintendo Power fan. She had a subscription. She’s collecting all of the issues. She’s all about Nintendo Power.

So this is the first time she’s seeing this list? Surely, it was in at least several issues. Maybe this thing went on for years.

Erin’s never seen it before.

21:00 – Now she’s at another chart. She’s surprised to see this. It’s labelled “Game Boy”. So Erin says, “Do they mean regular Game Boy?”

In 2004? No, you fucking cretin. She doesn’t know ANYTHING.

You know what? I’ve had it. That’s all the mendacity that I can stand today. So let me just hunt for this Britney Spears reference now.

1:24:15 – It’s some comedy awards page. “‘Worst hair goes to Britney Spears’ Dance Beat’? Well, I’m offended. She should have won…for…best hair. They just did that because at the time everyone — like — especially — like boys were like, ‘Ew. Britney Spears.'”

Negative charisma. She can’t talk at all. She has nothing to say. She doesn’t know anything.

Well, that wasn’t worth hunting for. That’s all she says. It’s dogshit. She can’t even talk about Britney Spears. She doesn’t know anything about Britney Spears.

Let’s check out the comments.

Only 35 comments. And half of them are Erin’s. She’s responding to every comment.

Her first response is “That’s awesome!”. I knew it. I knew she was going to say that before I even clicked the response. Well, I thought she was going to say, “That’s cool” but “That’s awesome” is her alternative.

Actually, let’s guess how many times she says “That’s cool”/”That’s awesome.” There are like 17 comments so I’ll say that she says it…seven times. She’s at one so far.

She says “Nice!”. Should I include that? It’s the same meaning but…no, I guess I won’t include it.

Aw. It was just that one time. And she only responded to about half of the comments.

But there were some good spam comments.

• FIND LOVE ON THE BEST DATING SITE
• NЕW А DАТING FОR АLL ТАSТЕS & АGЕS

Maybe the horntards could make use of this. There’s no actual link to anything, though. Or a name of the site. But just a general reminder that dating sites exist might be all the help that they need.