Isn’t this a children’s movie?
Oh. Yeah. I looked it up. I never saw it but I remember the commercials. The always awful Bette Midler. Why would they remake this fucking thing? Thirty years later? Bette Midler must be 100 years old now.
Wow. She’s “only” 76. She seemed old as fuck in 1993 but she was about my age.
Anyway, let’s see what the Ideas Man has to say.
He’s in some movie theatre. Presumably one that he worked or works in because why else would they allow him to film this?
Newt says that he only saw the first movie last year. Why was he watching it? It’s a children’s movie. And a bad one, from all accounts.
1:15 – “I’ve never been to Salem. I’ve always wanted to go to Salem. I’ve never been to Roswell. I want to go to the Mothman(???) Like, I want to do shit. That’s what happens when you ran movie theatres all those years and didn’t have any money or free time.”
I’ve been to Salem. I had a job interview there. You’re not missing anything.
1:45 – “Up until the mid 1990s, kids’ movies still had teeth. The first movie has a lot of jokes about virginity and boobs and stuff like that. I was like, ‘Oh, you can still get away with characters talking about stuff like eating children back then.’ Now, like in this one, it’s toned down.”
Newt is actually complaining that a CHILDREN’S MOVIE doesn’t have tits and gore. Does he want to see Bette Midler’s geriatric tits? This is disgusting. We don’t need tits and gore in every fucking movie.
4:15 – “Sarah Jessica Parker, who I think is hot, and you’re all crazy to make fun of how she looks.”
Sarah Jessica Parker is probably the most well-known horse-faced woman of our time. Clear reference to Crystal Quin aka Horseface McGee.
5:30 – Newt says “dodgy CGI”. “Dodgy” is a British term. Maybe it’s been adopted. Like “queue”. Although, I think that “queue” is misused by Americans.
6:00 – “Disney’s been a terrible company for years and years and years who only just recently is accepting of people. But they go, ‘Oh, that’s the first gay character’ but they’re in the background and out of focus. Or, ‘That’s the first trans character. Which one? Oh, they’re over there.'”
Newt really likes the ladyboys. He wants more ladyboys in Disney children’s movies. And they should be topless and covered in blood.
What a sick fuck. Who would possibly want to see this?
Maybe they could do yet another remake of Freaky Friday but the son switches bodies with the mother. So then you have the mother (who has the brain of a boy) struggling in a woman’s body and he tries to dress masculine and shit. And the boy (who has the brain of a woman) struggles in a boy’s body and tries to dress feminine.
This is genius. I guarantee that this film will be made within the next five years. Possibly by Newt. He’s all about plagiarism, ladyboys, and tits and gore.
I’d also like to see another remake of The Shaggy Dog but with scenes of bestiality. The dog fucking his wife, for example. Why not? The dog has the brain of a human. It’s the guy’s real life wife.
Anyway, enough of this filth. Back to The Ideas Man.
6:45 – “Granted, I’m a straight, 40 year old, white dude who’s had nothing but white characters my entire life. So I don’t know. Everybody’s been like, Oh, that character is like me'”.
Newt was making some comments about how there should be more representation of ladyboys and whatnot in motion pictures. And then he condemns himself, yet again, for being a white man. Newt HATES being a white man.
But where is this representation in cinema of 40 year old men who work in movie theatres? Where’s the movie about a heroic plagiarist who’s in love with Sarah Jessica Parker?
There’s none of this. There are very few films about working class white people. Plenty of films about rich white people. And there are films about impoverished racial minorities. But not many about working class white people.
And it’s this sort of thing that gives dimwits like Newton R Wallen the idea that white people are rich and non-white people are poor. No. He must know that he’s not rich. He said as much earlier in this very video. But for whatever reason, he still thinks that he’s somehow advantaged over other people. What has this advantage given him?
The advantages come from class, not race. Your race is irrelevant. Rich black people behave just as poorly as rich white people.
7:15 – “I looooove Bette Midler. I’ve always been such a huge Bette Midler fan.”
What? Really? Impossible.
“Her cover of Martha. Tom Waits’ song, is one of those songs that will make me cry my eyes out every fucking time I hear it.”
Somehow this one passed me by. And I never even heard of Tom Waits. Let me check it out.
Oh, right. From her 1979 appearance on Saturday Night Live. That’s the only time this was recorded. How silly of me not to have heard this.
How often is he fucking hearing this? It’s surely never played on the radio. This was never released. The only place he can hear this is on Youtube and their bad slideshow version. He must be seeking this out.
Anyway, it’s just a fat Jew crying for three minutes about a phone call or something.
7:45 – Newt is excited about a new Sister Act. Oh, maybe we’ll get some tits and gore out of Whoopi Goldberg. Newt would love that. A gay, black, Jewish woman getting her tits out. At the age of 75 or whatever she is now.
8:00 – “Are there no new ideas? Yes.”
The irony.
10:45 – Newt gives his IDIOTIC plagiarised movie idea for a film called Hocus Smokus. I won’t dignify this by describing it.
11:00 – Newt calls himself The Idea Man.
What? Have I got this wrong the whole time? I thought that he was The Ideas Man. Plural. Maybe he got it wrong. But why would he get his own name wrong? I’ll have to go back and look for previous mentions of this.
That’s the video. But something that’s never explained is…Newt said that this film was just released via streaming. So…why is he sitting in a movie theatre? It wasn’t released in theatres, right? Maybe he just happened to be in the last surviving porno theatre and decided to record this video about a children’s movie.