Johanna is Streaming on Twitch

How long has this been going on?  At least a month.  She has a month’s worth of videos on there.  That’s presumably the maximum amount of time that a video stays up on the free section.

So I was watching her play Disney Dreamlight Valley.  This is some new game that’s like Animal Crossing but with Disney characters.  Very derivative.  And there’s never more than like three people in the chat.  It’s sad.  

So Crystal Quin aka Horseface McGee joins.  She’s feeling sorry for Johanna and her completely dead Twitch career.  And it’s the usual bullshit that you would expect from Horseface.

At 1:12:45 of the “It’s Little Chef time!” stream, Horseface subscribes.  Why?  They’re just subscribing back and forth.  They’re just exchanging the same five dollars between each other.  

So Johanna hears the subscriber ringtone and it surprises her.  Because nobody is fucking subscribing.  So she looks up excitedly to see who subscribed and gets disappointed when she sees that it was just Horseface giving her a pity subscription.

Then at 1:13:45 Johanna builds a house and it’s a big house and she says, “Oh, my god, it’s huge” and has her mouth agape for like two minutes.  This is the old Retro Ali trick.  Guys, apparently, find this sexy.  A woman with her mouth agape.  Fake “reactions”.  They’re imagining sticking their dick in there, I guess.  I don’t get it.  

Then at 1:14:30, Horseface says, “Aww that looks like you” in reference to her character.

Well, first of all, no shit.  That’s what she was going for when she made it.

But secondly, it doesn’t look much like her.  The character creation tools in games are rarely robust enough to let the average “gamer” truly make a digital representation of themselves.  Yeah, you can usually customise the face and the hair and the clothes and the skin tone and whatever.  And that’s all great.  But rarely can you customise the body.  You usually just have to go with the default, slim body type.  

Johanna needs a big fat girl body type for this game but I don’t think there’s such an option.  I guess that you can’t often customise the body type because there would be issues with hit boxes or clipping or whatever but that’s the reality.  So all of these fucking fat fuck “gamers” like Johanna here have to just play as a slim character.  It’s not right.  We need proper representation in video games.  Maybe somebody can make a mod for this.  Is the game even available on PC?  Let me check.

Oh, it is.  I find that kind of surprising for some reason.  Why even buy a console any more?  Why buy a console for the past 10+ years?  Everything gets released on PC now.

1:17:15 – Johanna is showing some little stuffed novelties that she got from “blind bags” shaped like ice cream buckets and she’s confused because the plush that looks like a bowl of gelato is brown instead of green.  On the packaging it’s shown as green.  So Horseface says, “That’s rotten gelato.”  She spells it “galato” by the way, because she’s an idiot.  

Then Johanna says, “I’ll eat his rotten gelato” and pantomimes licking this plush in some kind of sensual manner.  

How on earth is “rotten gelato” supposed to be sexual?  Because that’s clearly how she intended it.  Is this what she calls her fiance’s genitals?  “Rotten gelato”?  I don’t want to think about it.  Let’s move on.

1:23:15 – Johanna found earrings in the game.  She says, “those earrings are adorable” and then she equips them on her character.  Then she does the Retro Ali horse cock sucking face.  

This is terrible.  And she was looking up information on that gelato character for like ten fucking minutes.  I’ve never been so bored in my life.  Who wants to watch somebody searching on Google for ten minutes?  The gelato was also “cute”.

It’s absolute shit tier commentary.  All she does is comment on what she’s doing in the game and pointing out cute shit.  Who the fuck wants to watch this.  As it turns out, nobody.

1:25:00 – Johanna says, “I’m hot.  I have to take off this sweater.  I have a tank top on underneath, pervs.”

What pervs?  Nobody is even watching this.

Then she’s fiddling with her top as she takes her sweater off.  “Make sure that I’m adjusted correctly.”  She takes the sweater off and says, “I’m dying.  I can’t.  So you’re going to have to deal with me in a tank top.”

Let’s pause here.  She was streaming for nearly 90 minutes in this sweater and seemed to have no problem.  Horseface comes in and within ten minutes, Johanna is taking her sweater off.  

And how much would you like to bet that Horseface makes a disgusting comment?  

One second later:

Horseface: TAKE IT OFF

Horseface: boooo tank top

Johanna then says, “Crystal, I’m not stripping…on stream.  We would need a hot tub for that and you would have to join me.

Reminder: Johanna is 250 pounds.

And she’s engaged to get married.  To a man.

If I was that man, I would immediately call off the marriage, get that fat fuck out of my home, and never have anything to do with her again.  That guy might be 300 pounds, have two anuses, and sell used Hyundai’s in rural Pennsylvania but he can do better.  I mean, how much worse can you even do?  He’s already at rock bottom.

Then Horseface says, “I can make that happen.”  You know, because Horseface is all about obese women who are engaged to be married.  That’s her thing.  

Johanna says, “Girl, I’m down.  Any time you want.”  Because Johanna is all about horse-faced women.

Then why is she getting married to a man?  What is wrong with that fucking guy?  I mean aside from the two anuses.  Maybe that second anus is actually a vagina.

To explain, Johanna once remarked in a Talking About Tapes episode or Godzilla podcast or something that her fiance has two anuses.  And his sister has two anuses.  Why would she say this for the whole world to hear?  Because she has absolutely no respect for that guy (or his sister) and no sense of common decency.  

That’s enough of that boring bullshit.  Let’s see what the totally hot Crystal Quin is up to on Twitter.

Oh.  The 17th of September was Batman Day.  Did you all mark your calendars?  Did you decorate your Batman trees?  A happy Batman Day to you and your loved ones.

Horseface commemorated the holiday by posting two pictures of herself dressed like a prostitute.  She looks…well, like a horse-faced woman.  If this is your thing, this is your thing.  But it’s certainly not my thing.

Let’s see what Kris Glavin has to say.  Is she a smokeshow or what?

– “Happy Saturday crystal queen you are The most radiantly beautiful young lady so adorable hunny”

– “That is the cutest thing ever babe”

– “Wowsers stunningly beautiful young lady”

– “Super model vibes baby”

Those were all from Kris Glavin.  He posted four fucking times.  

Somebody else says, “Why I see this shit ?”  

Indeed.  I think that this guy is an English teacher in Japan, by the way.  Here’s his Twitter:

Who wouldn’t want to be taught by such a master of the English language?  And that wasn’t a one-off.  His Twitter is FULL of pigeon English.  What an educator.

Somebody else says, “It’s put your clothes on and stop scaring the children every day. More damaged goods gone to waste. Pretty but very damaged.”

This guy might have been taught English by that other guy but I think he’s expressing displeasure at Horseface co-opting a children’s holiday for her own disgusting gratification.  It’s true.  Halloween has become co-opted by “liberated” women dressing like prostitutes.  For the entire month of October.  And we’re not even in October yet.  It’s still September.  But Prostitute Halloween has already arrived for Horseface.

“I’m a sucker for long stem roses” and she posts a picture of roses that may or may not be hers.

She’s a real romantic, that Horseface.  Texted her boss, “Do you want to fuck?”  This was before they ever met socially.  

So Kris Glavin replies, “I will definitely make a note of that in all seriousness happy Wednesday gorgeous hope you have a great day and rest of your week babe”

And again, “Your boyfriend is a very lucky guy”

She has a boyfriend?  I guess.  Kris Glavin would know.  He’s stalking her every move.

“If you’re reading this, I hope you had a great day!”

And a gif of a woman holding a plastic penis and testicles with her arm around a skeleton.  

What is this?  What was the point of the tweet?  “Hey.  I’m here.  I’ve got nothing to say but I need attention.”

Great.  Let’s see what Kris Glavin had to say to this totally pointless bullshit.

– “Happy Thursday gorgeous hope you had a great day and hope you have a great weekend babe 😘 sending you lots of love and hugs and positive vibes babe”

– “Happy Friday gorgeous hope you have a great weekend with your family babe 😘😘😘 sending you lots of love and hugs and positive vibes babe”

So he replied twice.  On two separate days.  Same fucking message about having a great weekend and sending positive vibes.  He just changed the day.  

That guy really needs urgent psychological care.  In a facility.  One that he can’t get out of.  

Last time I play Wordle, by the way.  You guys all know about “trice”, right?  Fuck off.

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