Gamer Girls

 https://twitter.com/ErinPlays_Games/status/1569362308400353285

“I wish I was able to be more carefree and laid back. Like Alf.”

You know where this comes from?  A recent stream where the horntards were suggesting things that Mike likes because Erin has absolutely no idea what sort of things Mike likes.  So somebody suggests Alf.  I discuss this stream here:

https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2022/09/erin-plays-and-mike-matei-stream-fall.html

Everything she ever says is a reference to something that she did on stream, for money.  Because she doesn’t do anything else.  If she’s not streaming she’s staring at a wall, crying in the bathtub, or getting fucked in the ass.  Oh, or visiting her parents.

So Alf.  She doesn’t even know the fucking character.  She’s never watched a single episode.  The show was cancelled when she was three years old.

Why the constant lies?  Why does she pretend to be interested in stuff from before she was fucking born?  It’s idiotic.  Why can’t she come up with PLAUSIBLE interests?  

So here’s everything that I know about Alf.  I was pretty young when it was on and I haven’t seen the show since it was cancelled.  But I liked the show.  It was about a furry “alien life form”, hence the name Alf.  Like with ET and “extra terrestrial”.  They just ripped that off, Newt Wallen style.

But Alf’s real name is Gordon Shumway.  Why does he never correct them?  Alf is just a name that fucking Willy Tanner gave him.

By the way, Alf crashed into the Tanner’s garage in the first episode.  Then Alf is shown trying to contact his homeworld to rescue him.  Then that whole subplot just goes away for the rest of the series.  Alf doesn’t give a fuck about going back to his planet any more.  He likes living with the Tanners, I guess.

Oh, and Alf can’t go out because he’s an alien.  And there’s some alien task force who are looking for Alf and if they find him they’re going to dissect him.  So the Tanner are hiding Alf.

There’s also some nosy neighbours, I think.  Is it Eddie McClurg or am I thinking of Small Wonder?  Small Wonder had a similar premise to Alf in many ways.  

Alf is a puppet, by the way.  Most of the time.  Once in a great while, for shots that show his body, there’s a midget in there.  But apparently, the midget would pass out from heat exhaustion so he only appeared very sporadically and only in the first season.

Then in like the third season, Alf started wearing shirts.  I don’t know why.  Maybe the puppet started getting dirty so they needed to cover it up.

There’s a blooper reel on Youtube wherein Alf says “nigger” a lot, which is apparently a reference to an episode of LA Law, or something, that had a character with Tourette’s syndrome.  In that same video, Alf makes some creepy comments to Lynn, who’s the daughter on the show.

Anyway, I liked the show and I had an Alf stuffed animal.  I have some good memories of watching Alf with my family.  

Like five years after the show was cancelled, there was an Alf tv movie.  The Tanners weren’t involved at all and I didn’t watch it.  I wasn’t interested.  

And like five years after that, Max Wright, the weirdo who played Willie Tanner, was caught smoking crack while in bed with a homeless black guy.  The National Enquirer ran a whole story on it.  There were pictures and everything.  It’s him.  In bed smoking crack with some hobo.

Even on the show, you could tell that there was something not right with that guy.  Oh, also on the last episode, Max Wright just left the set without saying anything, after filming ended.  There was going to be some wrap party or something but he just left.  He hated working on the show and he was in a big rush to go smoke crack with homeless black dudes.

He was also married, I think.  To a woman.  But it was all fake.  He was fucking gay.  And into some pretty weird shit even by the freaky standards of the homosexual community.

There were a lot of trap doors on the set, like behind the couch in the living room and where ever, where the puppeteer had to stand to control Alf.  So it was a difficult set to work on because there were these open pits all over the place.  And I think Max Wright found this particularly unpleasant.

He died in ignominy a couple years ago.  He could never live down the crack smoking with homeless black guys.

There was also an Alf cartoon that aired while the Alf tv show was on.  I watched that too.  It was like a prequel.  It showed what Alf’s life was like on his home planet of Melmac.

There were Alf trading cards too.  I had quite a few of those.  It was the usual shitty still images from the tv show, that these sort of cards would have, but in every pack there was also a Bouliabaseball card.  Something like that.  This is the version of baseball that they played on Melmac.  It was basically the same as modern baseball but they threw a fish instead of a ball.

These baseball cards were pretty cool, though.  They were drawings of the various Alf alien baseball players.  What’s Alf’s species called?  They must have given it a name but I don’t know it.

There was also a short-lived talk show called Alf’s Great Talk Show or something.  This was in like 2004, maybe.  Let me check.

Yeah, I was dead on.  It was called Alf’s Hit Talk Show.  And Ed McMahon was the sidekick ala The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson.  I was really hyped for this show, which is crazy because I was in my mid 20s at this time.  But I watched every episode and I was really willing it to do well but it only lasted about four episodes before it was cancelled.

I think that the guy who voiced and possibly puppeteered Alf died a few years ago.  Something Fusco.  Let me check.

Paul Fusco.  No, he’s still alive. 

But that reminds me of something else.  Somebody (quite possibly Max Wright) complained about the Alf scripts because all of the funny lines went to Alf.  Everybody in the family was just playing a straight man to Alf.  

I think that Paul Fusco was also a writer on the show.  And he was really protective of Alf and probably still is.  So, yeah, it’s true.  Alf did get all of the funny lines.  The family is totally forgettable.  

There was also an Alf comic book during Alf’s heyday.  From Marvel.  I had a couple of them.  It went on for quite a while.  At least fifty issues.  

Oh, I was dead on again.  Fifty issues plus an annual plus two specials.  What don’t I know about Alf?  I should do a Ted talk on Alf.  

I’m a real Alf fan.  Erin doesn’t know jack fucking shit about Alf.  But here she is on Twitter, talking about her fondness for this character from a show that was cancelled when she was three years old.  What’s the point? 

Because she’s trying to appeal to older horntards.  But how fucking stupid do you have to be to believe any of the bullshit that Erin says?  I know that a lot of these guys are mentally retarded but…how retarded can they possibly be to believe these obvious lies?