https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l7OehZH8FH4
Erin must be back from her twice-monthly trip to visit her parents.
It starts with, “And we’re going to be playing some Fall Guys”. So she edited stuff out right from the start. Let’s see what she’s hiding.
Erin: I’m not used to clicking around Windows and streaming with Steam games or whatever. This is from the Microsoft store. I don’t know. I’m not used to it. Anyway, hello. Good to be here. I’m here with Mike.
Mike: Epic Games.
Erin: Epic Game store. Sorry.
She’s a big gamer, guys. Playing it up on the Microsoft store.
Is there even such a thing as the Microsoft store? For PC games? Let me check.
I don’t think so. There’s a Microsoft Store but it seems to be mostly for apps for your phone.
There’s also this:
https://www.microsoft.com/en-gb/store/games/windows
It seems to be PC games. I’ve never heard of this, though. I know about Steam, of course. And I know about the Epic Games store. But Microsoft store? No. Maybe I’m just not the gamer that Erin is. Of course, she got the name wrong but…moving on.
Oh, so that’s what she edited out. Her not knowing what this is. So we’re back to the Youtube video.
0:00 – “I’m going to talk to the chat and we’re going to go off and on. I’ll play a little, he’ll play a little, et cetera.”
Can’t they play together? Maybe they can’t use the same computer. This would be a good game to play with the horntards, though. Mike can play too, just in a different room, on a different computer. But surely you can set up a private room, invite the horntards, and you can all play together. How many players are in this game? 30? 60? Make it subscriber only if you want to play. Or just straight up have a fee of five dollars or whatever if you want to play. It’s an easy money maker. Why is nobody doing this? Maybe they are. The only people I watch on Twitch are Mike and Erin. And I only watch their videos on Youtube.
Then she edited something out again. Let’s see what it is.
She says that she was “out of town”. Well, it’s true. Technically, she was out of town. But why can’t she just say, “I was visiting my parents”? Why can she never just be honest with people?
It was just two minutes of Erin being awkward as fuck. Who cares? She’s awkward as fuck all the time. What about this two minutes was so egregious that she had to edit it out?
Back to the video. “We haven’t played this in a long time but last time we played this, I had a lot of fun.”
So why has it been so long, Erin? Everything doesn’t have to be on stream, for money. All you have to do is say, “Hey, Mike. Want to play some Fall Guys with me?” He’d be happy to. What’s the problem?
She’s not remotely interested in video games.
0:15 – Some horntard makes a half-joke about Compuserve.
Mike: I used to use Compuserve.
Erin: You did?
Mike: Yeah.
Erin: That’s great.
Negative charisma. She can’t have a conversation with ANYBODY. It’s not just the horntards. Mike is sitting right there and she can’t have a conversation with him. “That’s great.” It’s just a variation of her “That’s cool” catchphrase.
What the hell are they talking about all day? Britney Spears and buttsex, I guess.
3:45 – “I don’t think I’ve ever seen this one or at least I don’t remember it.”
She’s talking about a minigame. Even I’ve seen it and I’ve never played the game. I just used to watch some fucking mentally challenged guy play the game on Youtube. Maybe Erin “forgot” about this minigame. Erin “always” “forgets” about this minigame.
The screenname is PumpkinN00dles. Maybe somebody can do something with this information. Try to add them on the Microsoft store or something. Erin also used the name “Cykill1986” on some console’s online gaming service. Then when you checked the profile, it was private. Why so secretive? Let the horntards add you. What’s the problem?
Erin says that they streamed this before. Really? I don’t remember. And there’s nothing in my archives. She must not have uploaded the video to Youtube. But yeah, earlier when she said that she played the game, that’s what she was talking about. She played it on stream, for money. Once. But it was fun.
5:30 – Erin is reading from the chat. Somebody says that he recently got some issues of Nintendo Power. You know what Erin said? No prizes for this.
“That’s cool.”
Somebody recommends a “Mike and Erin Chivalry 2 stream”. Erin pauses and says, “That would be chaotic.”
She clearly doesn’t even know what the fucking game is. So she just panicked and thought of a variant of “that’s cool”. She doesn’t want to do it, because it’s a video game, so it had to be a negative variant.
Then Mike starts explaining why he doesn’t like the game and Ern just says “yeah” a lot and “That would be stressful.” She has NO IDEA what he’s talking about. She doesn’t know what the game is. It’s obvious.
Oh, by the way, Mike lost but he’s still playing. It’s Erin’s turn. What’s going on here? Is she going to fucking play this shit?
7:00 – “I love how colourful this game is.”
Brutal.
8:30 – “So you have to, like, watch somebody else until the people qualify?”
YES, YOU FUCKING MORON. She said that she played this before. How could she POSSIBLY not know this? Even if she played it once, on stream, for money, that’s enough to know this.
I guess that this is another thing that Erin “forgot”. Erin “always” “forgets” that you have to wait for enough people to finish the game before you can move on.
How else can you even play? You’re just going to continue to the next game while other people are still playing the previous game? How is that going to work?
So Mike says, “Well, they have to qualify because it’s an online multiplayer game.” Then Erin gets annoyed and says, “Well, I understand that, Mike” and stares at him.
If you don’t want to be spoken down to, don’t ask a fucking retarded question.
It’s inconceivable how somebody can be this clueless about video games. And this is her fucking “job”. Her “job” is to play video games. She has NO IDEA what’s going on. She doesn’t fucking play video games. Never has, never will. Fifty bucks a month from Youtube.
9:00 – Erin asks Mike if he remembers AOL keywords. He says that he doesn’t but he’s clearly joking. Erin doesn’t realise that he’s joking so she tries to explain it to him but she doesn’t know what it is.
9:30 – Erin is reading from the chat. “You thought this was LiveJournal? I spent most of my teenage years on LiveJournal.”
That must have been some fascinating reading. “I’ve done nothing today. I’m going to do nothing tomorrow. Pink is a cute color.”
Then she says that she didn’t even write anything. “I mostly used it for communities for bands that I liked.” Well, that makes sense. She’s never fucking done anything so what is she going to write about? She’s also never thought about anything.
“You could make icons and then you could make your layout all cute. It was so much fun.”
Brutal. How does Mike fucking do it? YEARS with this shit. And for what? She’s a total parasite. She’s bringing in fifty bucks a month. And Mike isn’t getting any of that money, it’s all hers.
14:30 – She’s reading from the chat. “Do you or Mike have one game that you’re not interested in playing.”
Then she looks to Mike for an answer because, of course, she doesn’t know. ALL OF THEM, Erin. You’re not interested in playing ANY game.
Then Erin says Animal Crossing. She played it and didn’t like it. Great.
16:00 – “Yoshi says, ‘I think the very first thing I did when I got internet access was go look at Ultimate…Mortal Kombat III site for a moves list.'”
You know what Erin’s response was? “That’s awesome.”
“The first thing I ever did was I looked up a Spice Girls official website.”
That’s awesome. And boring as fuck.
“And like Sailor Moon stuff.”
See above.
It’s the same tedious bullshit with Erin over and over and over again.
Anyway, Mike died so I think Erin is going to start playing now. Let’s see how many seconds she can last. She’s not getting past the first round.
16:30 – Mike is explaining the game and during the explanation, Erin says, “Look at the tomato man.” Mike ignores this.
She has no interest whatsoever in any of this. How can he possibly put up with this? She’s fucking braindead.
Oh my god. This is so fucking bad. She keeps jumping for reasons that only she knows. Constantly jumping.
17:30 – They’re talking about Sonic the Hedgehog. Erin says, “I remember in the first grade, there was a girl who had Sonic the Hedgehog shoes and they were pretty cute.”
I just don’t get it. Has it been as long as five years that they’ve been together? What’s the appeal? Okay, buttsex, great. LOTS of women will let you put your thing in their butt. Erin isn’t special in this regard.
You know who else likes buttsex? Gay men. If you’re that into buttsex, as Mike clearly is, just find a gay man. Fucking Tony from Hack the Movies is single. Ask him. He’d be a much more interesting conversationalist too. Plus, he has a job.
17:45 – She managed to get through the next round. Maybe it was all the jumping that gave her the edge. Nobody else was jumping but Erin was. Constantly.
18:00 – “I like Pokemon. Like I’m a casual Pokemon fan.”
REALLY casual. At best. In the sense that she knows of Pokemon. She’s aware of the existence of Pokemon. So this makes her a fan.
18:30 – Erin is reading from the chat. “You were in the Smashing Pumpkins Yahoo chat room?”
You want to know Erin’s response? You’ll never guess in a million years.
“That’s awesome.”
Is it, though? Who gives a shit what chat rooms this guy went to in 1997? There’s nothing REMOTELY awesome about that non-story.
19:00 – So this is the second round. Can Erin do it? Let’s find out. She surprised me on the first one.
She’s constantly jumping again. Well, maybe that’s the key. Maybe Erin has uncovered a pro strat.
19:30 – “How do I grab? I forget how to grab. Oh, it just happens.”
She’s a real gamer.
20:00 – “Okay, now I’m stressed. I wasn’t stressed but now I’m a little stressed.”
She has no idea what to do. She’s never seen this level before.
Erin is terrible at the game and Mike just laughs at how bad she’s doing. Then she fails to qualify.
22:00 – Mike asks if she wants to go again or if it’s his turn. Erin says that she wants to go again. That’s surprising.
23:15 – “That’s cool, Dan.”
We don’t know what’s cool. It could be anything. She didn’t read his comment out.
Mike asks Erin what he likes. After thinking about it for a while, she says, “Donald Duck”. Then Mike makes a sad half-joke about how that’s the end of the list.
That’s all that she could think of. Donald Duck. She’s been with this guy for like five years. What have they been doing all this time? Donald Duck? That’s as much as she knows about him?
So she continues her list. “You like Zelda”. “You like it when I make you your coffee.”
This is unbelievable. What the fuck are they doing?
Does she not cook? Does she not do anything? They’re clearly not talking. She’s just mentioning things that any fucking horntard could have given.
Now she’s reading from the chat. She ran out of ideas so the chat has to prompt her. “Three’s Company” was what the horntards suggested.
Mike isn’t so sure that he likes Three’s Company so he makes an “ehh” sound.
Erin: You like Three’s Company.
Mike: I don’t like the later episodes, though.
Erin: I like a lot of things.
This isn’t about you, you dumb bitch. We’re talking about Mike. Can you fucking believe how outrageous this is?
She came up with NOTHING for Mike’s interests. Nothing. Donald Duck, Zelda, and when she makes him coffee. Then the horntards suggest Three’s Company. Then Erin says, “I like a lot of things.”
What the fuck. And she doesn’t even like a lot of things. MAYBE Disney and Britney Spears on some superficial level. Other than that, NOTHING. Colours? Cute things? She’s never done anything. She has no fucking interests.
But let’s get back to Mike because that’s the fucking topic here, even though Erin obviously wants to change it to herself. Star Trek. Did you think of that one, Erin? “Schmups”. That’s another good one. Buttsex. Racist comics. Inspector Gadget. Elvis. Halloween decorations. The Nintendo Entertainment System. Monkeyball. Air travel. Romania. Wawa. New Jersey. Don Bluth. Cartoons that were cancelled by the time he was four years old.
I can go on and on and I don’t even live with the guy. I’m giving the most superficial answers that anybody can possibly give.
Erin is in a fucking relationship with Mike. FOR YEARS. She lives with him. How can she not know anything?
But no. Fuck Mike. Erin wants to talk about herself. She likes a lot of things. She just steered the conversation this way because she totally ran out of stuff to say about Mike. So okay, let’s hear it. What does Erin like? I’ll say Sailor Moon, Buffy, Britney Spears, Hello Kitty, and Disney. The same fucking tedious shit that she talks about all the time in a pathetic attempt to try to portray herself as somebody who has interests and hobbies.
Mike: You like a lot more things than I do.
Erin: Yes.
Great conversation. What chemistry these two have.
Then a horntard suggests that Mike likes Alf.
Erin: Do you like Alf?
Mike: Yeah.
Erin: Yeah, you like Alf.
She didn’t even know this. She was totally unaware of Mike’s lifelong passion for Alf. It was a fucking horntard who had to tell her. And she doesn’t even know who Alf is. The show was cancelled by the time she was three years old.
25:00 – Mike says, “Sometimes people try to buy me Elvis things and it’s a mistake because I’m so particular about it. Not Erin, but like other people try to buy me Elvis things.”
Of course Erin isn’t getting you any Elvis shit. With what money? She’s making fifty bucks a month with this shit. Plus, she doesn’t give a single fuck about you. This is all for fucking Youtube promotion. You know it, Erin knows it, I know it, we all know it.
So as Mike is talking about Elvis merchandise, Erin is just complaining about how bad she’s doing at the game. She’s AWFUL. And this is the same fucking map that she played earlier and she was able to get through it. So she learned nothing from that experience.
She doesn’t even attempt to do this with any kind of skill. There are spinning blades, for example. You obviously have to time when you should go through the entrance. Obviously, you want to go when the blade isn’t there.
She doesn’t do this. She just goes whenever. As soon as possible. Even when it’s obvious as fuck that she’s going to get hit by the blade.
Then Mike explains this to her. “You have to wait.” She didn’t know this. She needed to be told this. She thinks that you’re supposed to just blindly jump right into the blades over and over and over again until you magically get through it.
Then, with that pro tip from Mike, she managed to get through the level. And she said, “Yay! I qualified!” and raised her hand and smiled broadly as though she gives a fuck about any of this.
28:15 – Erin says, “I’ve only seen one episode of The Beavis and Butthead Show but I liked it so I’ll watch the rest of it.”
Let’s just move on.
28:30 – “Look at this situation. I like the green and pink together. They look very nice.”
It’s just so terrible. You feel so bad for Mike when you watch this shit. Why does he do this? How much can he possibly hate himself to endure this?
And Erin has obviously never seen this level before. But she played this before. And she thought that it was fun.
Never bothered to play it again. That one time, on stream, for money, was enough for her.
30:00 – Erin failed to qualify. You know what might have helped? Having some experience with the game.
Now it’s Mike’s turn. We can stop here. There’s another…oh fuck. Two and a half hours of this shit.
Next parts:
The only difference between Erin and other women is how blatant she is about it. Other women ask you your interests, regurgitate shit you've said too; but deep down they have the same response as Erin. They just don't give a fuck about nerd shit or any shit besides looking pretty and being told they're pretty.