Gamer Girls

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R-GWV2HrW0c

0:15 – But first a word from our sponsor.  Come on…KEEPS!

Oh.  Fucking VPN.  What happened to proxies?  I used to use them all the time.  There were websites that had massive lists of proxies.  You just put that information into some setting in your browser and…assuming it works…you have a new IP address.  A lot of times they didn’t work so you’d just have to try another one.

There were also what were called “CGI proxies” which were websites where you just have to type in what URL you want to go to and it would change your IP address.  A lot of these weren’t very good, though.  You were better off using the manual proxies.

I’m pretty sure that these proxy sites still exist.  And they seem to do the exact same thing as these VPNs.  And they’re free.  So why not use them instead?  Yeah, none of them are exactly fast but it’s free.  You can’t beat free.

Yeah, and this ad is talking about how you can choose a VPN from a bunch of different countries.  Same thing with proxies.  I used some proxy site and there would be a little flag next to each proxy to tell you what country it’s from.  Same exact shit.  FREE.

1:30 – That’s some hairline, Jimmy.  Why even bother at this point?

“When it comes to movie-based games, you’d think I’d covered them all by now.”

Indeed, Jimmy.  It’s so obviously algorithm-based.  

4:30 – God.  Just shave your head.  There’s no point to this.  The hairline runs across the middle of his scalp.  And you know that there’s nothing in the back.  So it’s just this thin strip of hair that he’s working with and he’s having to consciously never show you the back.  It’s ridiculous.

7:00 – Terrible CGI special effects of Jimmy trying to drink a beer and the beer exploding.  This is all part of a terrible running gag wherein every time Jimmy tries to take a drink of beer, something happens to knock the glass out of his hands or something.

9:00 – Jimmy is pretending to play the game and he’s getting “angry”.  Terrible, terrible acting.

10:30 – Shit Pickle appears and weirdly bald Jimmy says, “I’ve been to ask you this for the longest time but how did shit get on your head?”

This is so terrible.  Doesn’t Jimmy respect his lore any more?  If memory serves, Shit Pickle first appeared in Wizard of Oz 3: Dorothy Goes to Hell.  One of the characters was holding a pickle, dropped the pickle, and the pickle bounced into a pig’s anus.  It’s some real biting satire.

“Were you shat on?  Were you up somebody’s butt?  Were you dipped in shit that’s already been shat?  Or have you always existed that way and there’s no faecal origin?”

YOU KNOW THE ANSWER, JIMMY.  Whoever wrote this shit may not know but JIMMY knows.  Doesn’t Jimmy care about his lore?  This is somebody who REFUSES to make more more Board James because it would destroy the lore.  Everybody dies at the end of Board James (or something) so Jimmy says that he can’t make any more.  Everybody’s dead.  

Nobody ON EARTH cares about the stupid lore of Board James.  Everybody HATED the stupid stories that he would tack on to these videos, which got more and more elaborate with each video.  People jsut want to see him review board games.  But Jimmy will not do it because of his commitment to the lore.

But here he is asking for Shit Pickle’s origin.

Actually, maybe it works.  Yeah, James Rolfe knows about Shit Pickle’s origin but I don’t think The Angry Video Game Nerd knows.  So…whatever.

Then Shit Pickle says “shit pickle” about two hundred times and a bunch of clips from various wars play.  This is funny to…James?  Maybe?  But who else?  

12:00 – If you tap the “B” button, you throw a punch but if you hold “B” it punches.  Kieran, or whoever wrote this, thinks that this is stupid.  They suggest that a better control scheme would be to press select to switch between the two.  Or hold up and “B” to throw the ball.

What?  No, these are clearly worse methods.  There are definitely games that have a similar control scheme.  

16:00 – Kieran thinks that there’s something wrong with the sentence, “You may have saved the economic fate of the whole world.”  He takes issue with the word “may”.

But no.  That’s right.  Perfectly acceptable use of the word.  So this whole rant afterwards just makes Jimmy look like an idiot.  

17:15 – Then Jimmy starts yelling about doody and whatnot.

17:45 – Then Jimmy (or somebody, you just see the arm) throws the game in the trash, which causes a bad CGI explosion and fire for some unexplained reason.

Let me try to freeze frame this.  Is it really Jimmy’s arm?  We can tell by the level of hair.

No.  We don’t see the arm at all.  There’s no way that this was Jimmy throwing this.

The video ends with Kieran singing the Folgers coffee theme song for some stupid reason.

So credits.  Written, directed by, and starring James Rolfe.  Uh huh.  Sure it was.

Edited and filmed by Kieran Fallon.  

Well, at least he got upgraded from “help”.  

This was…not good.  It wasn’t good.  But there was nothing really rage-inducing.  Let’s see what the boys on Reddit have to say.

They seem to cover the same ground that I’ve done.  James is bald, the acting is bad, but overall it was just a boring, inoffensive episode.