Gamer Girls

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fki5GjuIP-E

0:00 – James, for the love of god, do something with your hair.

And he’s in front of a green screen, of course.  It looks as awful as ever.

I’d prefer to see James in front of the actual green screen.  Don’t superimpose this fake shit on to it.  Just have him in front of the green screen.  It’s fine.  That would be better than this shit.

0:15 – “Here’s five shows that I love.  Not necessarily the top five shows that I love in any particular order.”

Title of the video: “TOP 5 Shows That I Love”.  Way to go, Kieran or whoever titled this thing.

Anyway, who cares what five shows Jimmy likes?  He couldn’t even be bothered to sit down and figure out what his actual top five favourites are.  These are just five shows that he liked and wanted to talk about for this completely disposable video.

0:30 – “But first, a word from this video’s sponsor.”

One day, it’s going to be Keeps.  It has to be.  It’s a natural.  The comedy writes itself.

No, it’s that fucking shit mobile game that he keeps shilling for.  And he claims to play it.  Why lie?  Because it’s clearly a lie.  Why not just talk about the game?  Don’t say that you personally play it.  

1:30 – There’s a graphic that says “30$”.  If you click the link, you get thirty dollars worth of virtual shit.  This graphic was made by the company for this advertisement that they send out to all of the shilling Youtubers.  But why would they put “30$” instead of “$30”?  Euros are written like that.  Maybe other currencies.  It seems like a weird mistake.  No American on earth would make that mistake so I suspect that it wasn’t an American making that graphic.  And no Americans were doing any quality control for that video.

We’re two and a half minutes in and he’s already encouraged you to watch FIVE other videos that he made.  Lazy videos.  

4:00 – South Park.  He give about 15 seconds of “review” on this one.  Some episodes are good, some are bad.  Great review, Jimmy.  He also mentioned a bunch of shows that he DIDN’T want to include on this.  Maybe cut out that bullshit and just talk about the five shows that you DO want to talk about.

4:15 – Mystery Science Theatre 3000.  

Wait…what?  Neither of those shows were even part of the list.  GET TO THE LIST, JIMMY, YOU FUCKING RETARD!  DON’T JUST MENTION RANDOM SHOWS THAT AREN’T ON THE LIST!  GET TO YOUR FIVE RANDOM SHOWS THAT ARE ON THE LIST!

We’re fucking one-third into the video and he still hasn’t got to the fucking list.

4:45 – Always Sunny in Philadelphia.  Oh.  A show about Pennsylvania.  How about broadening your interests, Jimmy?  It’s like how he likes Rocky because it takes place in Pennsylvania.  It’s such an insular, small-minded way to go through life.  

Imagine only watching tv shows and movies that take place in your hometown.  What kind of fucking moron does this?

5:45 – He likes the show because it reminds him of sleazy Pennsylvania bars that he went to in college.  Have you done anything since college, Jimmy?  God, this is fucking terrible.

6:15 – Family Matters.  What are you fucking nine years old?  This is a list that an adult man compiled?  FAMILY MATTERS?

I remember being like 12 years old and kids would sometimes talk about it and I’d think, “What is wrong with these people?  Are they fucking retarded?”

I watched the show.  It was on the popular TGIF line-up on the ABC television network.  And I was a kid.  But I didn’t enjoy it.  I never laughed once.  At any of these shows.  I knew that they were all bad.  But that’s what was on.  It was the shitty children’s shows of TGIF or…I don’t know…Law & Order or something.  I’m not watching that shit.

Fucking Family Matters.  All I remember is shitty ass Urkel and when Laura got huge tits.  Oh, and fucking…that big-titted girl who liked Urkel.  I can’t remember her name.  She died years ago, unfortunately.

A much hotter show was Step By Step.  You have fucking Suzanne Somers with her big jugs.  And there was also…Stacy Keach?  Was that her name?  I’d be astonished if I remembered this.  No, Stacy Keach is an old man.  What was I thinking of?

Staci Keanan.  Yeah, she was hot.  And Angela Watson, who played Karen…still hot but less so.

I saw an interview years ago with Brandon Call, who played JT, and he said that he always got horny around Suzanne Somers and that she let him touch her ass.  

Anyway, we’re not here for my perverted stories about bad TGIF shows.  We’re here for James Rolfe’s BORING AS FUCK takes on them.  Fucking Family Matters.

6:30 – “When it comes to sitcoms from my generation, this is my favourite.”

You’re a retard, James.  

Then he just starts listing other shows in the TGIF line-up.  This video is entirely filler.  He has nothing to say about these shows.  At least talk about Laura’s tits.

7:30 – This is what I’m talking about.  A good shot of Laura in a tight, low-cut top.  Oh, and Myra is there too.  That’s the girl who liked Urkel.

8:30 – Star Trek: The Next Generation.  Really?  I’ve never heard Jimmy talk about this show before.

I watched it, I was really into it, but then I turned 15.  As an adult, this wouldn’t be on my top 100 shows.

He likes Picard.  Great.  This is…boring as fuck.  

What about Deanna Troi?  Is he going to talk about Deanna Troi’s tits?  If not, why bother?  Why even release a video?  

I had a trading card of Troi that had a good shot of her cleavage and that card got some use.  This was before the internet and easy availability of pornography.

10:30 – Breaking Bad.  I’ve never seen any of this shit.  Same with Always Sunny in Philadelphia.  I haven’t watched tv in many years.  So I don’t know who the big-titted characters are on these.  So I don’t give a shit.

What about Two Broke Girls?  That one girl was ridiculous.  The show was god awful.  Ridiculously old-fashioned, hacky, 1980s sitcom material.  It was also bizarrely racist with that Asian “me speaky Chinese” owner.  But yeah, that one girl had big tits so that was the only redeeming quality of that show.

Anyway, after reviewing Breaking Bad, Jimmy directs you to a full review of the show that he’s already done.  STOP PROMOTING YOUR OTHER SHITTY VIDEOS!

And there aren’t links to any of this.  Not that I can see, anyway.  So what are we supposed to do?  Just search the channel for these videos ? 

12:45 – Twilight Zone is, mercifully, the last show on the list.  Who gives a fuck?  This is the world’s most boring list of five random shows.  And were there any big tits in Twilight Zone?  Not that I can remember.

14:45 – “Esc-u-lating”.  For “escalating.”  Nice pronunciation, Jimmy.

15:45 – “Let me know in the comments, what are your favourite tv shows?”

Oh god.  Can this be any more bland?  

This guy can not make a fucking video.  What has he been doing for the past 15 years?  It really goes to show that it was Mike who was the “creative genius” behind this shit.  And then Screenwave.  The Screenwave shit was terrible but it wasn’t boring.  

Jimmy, left to his own devices, could not be entertaining if his life depended on it.  He’s just a deeply autistic man who was a puppet for the actual people writing this shit, coming up with the ideas, whatever.  He just sat like there a drooling imbecile until it was time to read the lines.

So to answer Jimmy’s question, what are my random five shows that I maybe like, I’d have to start with Love Boat.  But only the episodes with Charo.

My second choice would be the little-known 1991 sitcom Hi Honey, I’m Home.  It was on Nick at Nite.  Briefly.  It was their first, and possibly only, original program.  It was a parody of 1950s situation comedies.  It was as funny as cancer and only a few episodes were broadcast but the two female leads had big tits.  I think that it was just padding to go with their character but I don’t care.

My third choice is Nurses.  Actually, I HATED this show.  I also hated the show that it spun off from: Empty Nest.  But compared to Nurses, Empty Nest is Seinfeld.  It’s on the list because there was so much potential with this show.  It’s a show about nurses.  Come on.  This shit writes itself.  But not one of these nurses had big tits.  What were they thinking?  Just watch Savanah RN instead.

Living Dolls is number four on my list.   Initially, I was going to go with King of Queens because Leah Remini has some big tits but then I thought, “Why not choose the show that has Leah Remini and Halle Berry?”  Also, Living Dolls is probably the best Who’s the Boss spinoff of them all.

 

My final pick is the short-lived What a Country starring Soviet immigrant Yakov Smirnoff, who was red-hot at the time.  The show was like Head of the Class but absolutely abysmal.  The only saving grace was the Maria Conchita Lopez character and her melons, ably played by Ada Maris.  Oh that’s right.  She was also in Nurses.  So okay, that’s a redeeming feature of Nurses.  

Breasts aside, these were all terrible, terrible shows.  But I’d still rather watch any of them than fucking Family Matters.