Gamer Girls

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7tcHyC7Som4

Another desperate video from Erin.  She’s using the “Five Bad Games” thing again that I guess was the title for an early AVGN video.  I don’t even know.  Erin certainly doesn’t know.  Mike must have given her this idea.  And she’s used this before.  Blatantly.  

But the first thing I noticed first was the description.  “And if you like the shirt I’m wearing in this video, check out (website)!  Get 15% off of your purchase by using my link or using promocode (promo code)”

What a shill.  She must be making pennies off of this shit.  Why bother?  

It’s like if I were to monetise the blog.  I’d get like five bucks a month.  It’s not worth the hassle.  Plus, there would be a banner ad on the site, I assume.  For five bucks a month?  Fuck off.  

But Erin needs these pennies.  Apparently.  If she needs money, why doesn’t she just get a job like a normal person?  She would make WAY more money if she did that.  Even if it was minimum wage.  Whatever.  Let’s check it out.

0:00 – Oh, new intro.  It’s that stripped down disc that she inexplicably put on her t-shirt in the “merch” store.  Mike was wearing a t-shirt with this disc on it in the latest Talking About Games or whatever.  

I subsequently learned that this is a Famicom disc.  I guess.  I don’t know.  But why would Erin use this as her logo?  Has she ever played a Famicom game in her life?  It makes no sense.  

“Talking about bad video games is always entertaining.”

But never when it’s Erin doing the talking.  What a fucking shit intro.  

So she’s focusing on games from Ocean.  You guys are all familiar with the Ocean library of games, right?  Sure, everybody is.  We’re all hardcore retro gamers here who know every game released by every developer.  And nobody is a more hardcore retro gamer than Erin Plays.

It’s fucking preposterous.  She doesn’t know any of these games.  She either went to Wikipedia or Mike told her five games to do a video on.  

I can’t think of a single game by Ocean.  I’ve seen the logo but I couldn’t tell you any Ocean games.  I think that this is the normal experience of a normal person who played video games in the 1990s.  But Erin thinks that we all know about Ocean and she’s pretending that she knows all about Ocean too.

0:15 – Literally, Wikipedia dot com.  She’s just reading from Wikipedia now.  Talking about Ocean Software.  

0:30 – “Let’s kick things off with the hot mess that is Platoon.”

She’s never played it before.  Neither have I.  This is pathetic.

She made like two complaints about the game, both issues that Mike has raised numerous times.  Did he write this thing?  

1:45 – Robocop 2.  I’m pretty sure that Mike played both this game and Platoon fairly recently, on stream, for money.  What a coincidence.

I’m pretty sure that Mike did all of the footage for this game too.  This doesn’t look like Erin’s usual quality of gameplay.  Plus, she has carpal tunnel syndrome.  She can’t play games any more.

3:00 – Erin claims that she looked up a playthrough while playing this game.  Sure you did, Erin.  She’s a real World of Longplays enthusiast.  She’s constantly on GameFaqs dot com pouring through the walkthroughs.  

3:30 – “Okay, so I have a lot to say about this one” and then the McDonalds logo appears.  Erin is a big McDonald’s fan, guys!

She’s regularly demonstrated her complete lack of knowledge about anything to do with the McDonaldland characters.  I don’t even want to get into it.  Just take my word for it.  She knows as much about shitty McDonald’s advertisements as she does about video games.

“Before we get into the game, does anybody else remember the absolutely aggressive marketing campaign this movie had?”

What movie?  She hasn’t mentioned what she’s talking about yet.  Great editing, Erin.  

Then there’s a clip from The Flintstones Movie.  So I guess that that’s the movie that she’s talking about.  Maybe she could have mentioned this at the beginning.

“I never ended up seeing the movie.”

Holy shit.  You don’t say.  It’s constant with Erin.  She’s never seen or done ANYTHING.  So why talk about it?  Why have a channel if you don’t know anything about anything?  

By the way, I don’t remember seeing a single ad for this movie, McDonald’s or otherwise.  But Erin claims that the ads were everywhere.  They somehow passed me by.  Or just weren’t memorable.

There is absolutely no way that this is Erin playing the game, by the way.  It’s Mike.  Mike wrote this.  He did all of the video game footage.  Erin is just the “actress”.  

It’s like how Jimmy makes AVGN videos.  There’s somebody else writing everything and doing all of the game footage and Jimmy just shows up to read the lines.

6:15 – “I imagine a lot of kids renting it back in the day and then being stuck with it for an entire weekend.”

Yeah.  Maybe.  Did you ever rent a game, Erin?  Tell us your experience of renting games.  

She’s never rented a game in her life.  Was it even a thing when she was a kid?  I vaguely remember Erin claiming to have rented games from the grocery store.  Of course she didn’t, though.

6:30 – “I wasn’t sure if I should include this on the list or not since it wasn’t technically released.”

What game are you talking about?  Who edited this shit?  Shishi?  Once again, she’s talking about something but doesn’t mention the fucking game.

The Shadow.  Fine.  Maybe mention that FIRST.

6:45 – “Imagine the kids who were sitting on the floor back in the 1930s listening to this show and then showing them this.”

Ummm…they’d be at least in their 70s and wouldn’t give a shit.  And why does Erin keep telling us to imagine stuff?  Talk about YOUR OWN EXPERIENCE, Erin.  Do you have any experiences that you can talk about?  Ever listen to the radio, for example?  Tell us about it.  

She’s never done anything.

Then she compares the game to Final Fight.  Good job, Mike.  You’re making observations.  Observations that Erin couldn’t make in a million years.

This whole video has Mike written all over it.  It’s ridiculously obvious.  Is he going to get credit for this at the end?  “Help from Mike Matei” perhaps.

7:30 – Alien Olympics 2044 AD.  You guys all remember this game, right? 

8:00 – Shout out to Baby Upa.  You guys all know Bio-Miracle Bokutte Upa, right?  Well, Erin played this game once, on stream, for money so she’s an expert at the game now.

10:15 – “So do you agree with this list or do you think I have it wrong about some of them?”

What’s to agree or disagree with?  She just briefly talked about five games that she probably never played even once.  It was Mike playing all of this.  It was the most superficial “review” possible.  

We didn’t even get a good view of her top.  How am I supposed to know if I want to buy it or not?  You have to model the fucking shirt, Erin.  What is this shit?  She knows NOTHING about salesmanship.

Oh, she links to her Patreon.  £2.50/month.  No, thanks.  Only 47 patrons.  She’s getting £129/month.  That’s…I don’t know…$150 or so.  What a joke.

What do you even get on her Patreon?  She rarely advertises this.  

You get blog posts, occasional exclusive videos, and “whatever else.”  Mmmm…nobody would be excited by this.  

There was a two month gap between her two latest videos.  She can’t even release one video a month.  What are these people paying for?  And all of these videos are just, “Hi!  Quick update on my next video” kind of shit.  Who cares?  

What about try on hauls?  She could try on different shirts from her “sponsor” and then say, “Hey!  If you like the shirt, go to their website and use my promo code for 15 per cent off.”

It would be an easy video to make, she might make a few pennies, and it would titillate the horntards.  

– “Erin I love your shirt, where can I get one of those?”

This has to be a shill.

– “You were a “small child” in 94. Im guessing, you meant you were about 5 years old, so, that would make you about, 33. You look mid-late 20s, at the oldest. You’re holding that age quite well.”

Hello, creepy man.  Good luck getting a date with these sort of pick up lines.

– “I saw the Flintstones movie at a theater in Lancaster, PA that was $1 for everything so you could get your ticket, drink, and popcorn for $3.”

That is a good deal.  Maybe rural Pennsylvania has low prices.  Here’s a promotion I’d like to see: a $1 handjob from PVC Bondage Girl?  Newt can watch.

– “I can highly recommend Kim Justice’s videos on Ocean if you want a really good idea of their whole gaming philosophy”

Erin replies with, “Thanks! And cool, I’ll have to check that out :)”

Yeah.  Put it on your to-do list, Erin.  “Watch fat ladyboy talk about retro video games.”

She’s not going to watch that.  It’s fucking ridiculous.  Why say that you’re going to?  Well, she’s a compulsive liar.  I suppose that that’s why.